Most of the focus regarding the Blago-gate scandal that has been the talk of Chicago and much of the nation this week has been on Blago's efforts to sell Obama's senate seat. And while this is obviously noteworthy in its own way, my favorite part of the scandal are the revelations about Patti Blagojevich, Rod's wife. From the Chicago Tribune: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-blagojevich_patti_10dec10,0,1460523.story
"She helped her husband hatch a plan to sell President-elect Barack Obama's old U.S. Senate seat. She angled to trade her husband's power for lucrative spots on corporate boards. And she unleashed an obscenity-filled tirade suggesting Tribune Co. ownership should "just fire" Chicago Tribune editorial writers if the company wanted the state to help it unload Wrigley Field to ease its crushing debt."
Authorities alledge that while her husband was on the phone with a Tribune company executive, Patti could be heard in the background shouting, "hold up that fucking Cubs shit- Fuck them!"
Imagine that you are on the phone with the govenor of Illinois and you hear that in the background? Aside from the obviously profane language, what is it about women trying to talk to their husbands while they are on the phone? My wife would never use that kind of language, but she is prone to trying to tell me things while I'm on the phone with someone else. For example, the other day I was on the phone with Direct TV about a technical problem we were having, and while on the phone with them determined that they were overcharging us. Wouldn't you know it, though, my beloved wife tried to explain to me that we weren't being overcharged, just as I was securing a credit from the representative. Maybe she wanted to set the record straight, but couldn't this have waited?
More on Patti Blago from the Trib:
"The affidavit also alleges she participated in a two-hour conference call last month in which she, Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his aides discussed selling Obama's seat in exchange for her placement on paid corporate boards. Patricia Blagojevich suggested she would be qualified for such positions because she has a background in real estate and appraisals, while the governor stated that he hoped she would pull in at least $150,000 annually to alleviate the family's "financial stress," according to the complaint."
Feel pity for the Blago's, they pulled in a mere 214,580 in 2007 according to their taxes, and, given what we know about their ties to corrupt people here in Chicago, that means that they probably only made a million or two dollars that year.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Cubs to Fans: Pay Up Suckers
On October 5th, after the Cubs went down meekly in ignominious disgrace in the first round of the playoffs, I posted a bitter screed here forecasting the impending destruction of the planet, along with a likely Cubs ticket price increase. Well, so far, I'm right about the ticket price increase- and I'm not ruling out the Armageddon stuff either. The Cubs announced the increase last week- very strategically timed to appear in the Saturday morning newspaper- the least read paper of the week.
Its difficult to calculate the exact scale of the increase- the Cubs are being purposely vague and misleading about it. They've stated that the increase is "only 6% outside of 14 platinum games." So the Cubs have now created a fourth category of ticket prices for "platinum" games- games against the Cardinals, Mets, during holiday weekends, etc. The price hikes for the platinum games are very substantial- for example, a bleacher seat will now go for $60- a 25% increase. So the overall increase is probably something in the range of 15-20%.
So this is a big price increase in the wake of yet another disastrous playoff collapse and, in the teeth, of the country's worst recession in 34 years. Yet the Cubs spun the increases like Karl Rove would spin an indictment against the administration, absurdly claiming that "33% of tickets will remain at the same price." The headline of the article about the ticket price increases on mlb.com was actually, "Cubs freeze 33% of Ticket Prices"! http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20081206&content_id=3704406&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb And the Chicago Tribune dutifully covered the story similarly, with the 33% freeze nonsense in the first line of their coverage, http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports_hardball/2008/12/cubs-announce-t.html Even the Chicago Sun Times got in on the act- biting on the Trib's transparent spin job, and swallowing their 33% nonsense hook, line and sinker, which is a little like running a story about a thief who steals $9,999 from someone and leaves $3,333 behind with the headline, "Victim Allowed to Keep 33% of Their Money." http://www.suntimes.com/sports/baseball/cubs/1317794,cubs-raise-ticket-prices-2009-120608.article
Are these reporters too dumb or lazy to be able to report beyond what they read in the press release the Cubs sent them? Maybe. But the more likely excuse for their pathetic reporting is the old soft coverage for acess deal. They know that if they portray the Cubs as the band of marauding, unscrupulous highway bandits that they are, they'll find it difficult to secure any interviews with players and those in the front office. But let's be real here- when do players, managers, or front office personnel ever say anything of interest to the press anyways? Is it really so critical to get that interview with so and so where he expounds on how hard he's been working and how he just wants to take it one game at a time and give 110% and so forth? Spare me- i'd rather have a real journalist who tells us the truth and doesn't have access to the prima-donnas who don't say a damn thing of interest anyways.
The Cubs have the second most expensive tickets in baseball- the Red Sox- who have the most expensive seats- announced that they will not hike prices for the first time in 14 years due to the recession. And let's not forget that these folks have taken home 2 trophies recently. And what new players have the Cubs added to their roster in the off-season to justify another price hike? Let's see: a downgrade in the bullpen with Kevin Gregg (3.41 ERA/29 Saves/MLB leading 9 Blown Saves/37 BB/58 K's) replacing Kerry Wood (3.26 ERA/34 Saves/6 Blown Saves/18 BB/ 84 K's) and, drum roll please, Chad Fox. Chad Freaking Fox people- yes- rush out now and get those season tickets, Chad Fox will be taking the mound next year! Can't you see the t-shirt hawkers outside Wrigely now with shirts which say, "I'm a Fox!" And those with the old "We Got Wood" t-shirts, will now need to trade them in for "We Settled For Gregg" ones.
The Cubs raised ticket prices by 23% prior to last season and the public responded by turning out in record numbers- more than 3.3 million fans walked through the turnstiles. (And approximately 2.9 million of them left the ballpark drunk off their asses) The point is that people are desperate to attend Cubs games. No visit to Chicago in the summertime by every dork from Omaha to Arkansas is complete without the obligatory trip to Wrigley. Desperation, ignorance, and too much disposable income or access to credit all feed into the evil and diabolical plans of Cubs management, who would like nothing more than to charge $1,000,000 per ticket if they could get away with it.
Admit it, this is a stinking, rotting, corpse of a franchise. Yes, I know, the ticket brokers (of which the Tribune company owns the largest one) often get far more than face value for Cubs tickets- it's a scam perpetrated on dumb asses who probably deserve to be fleeced anyways. So I come around to this point then to Cubs team management: fine, increase your prices as much as you like- make the tickets so completely unaffordable that only the rich can attend games. Replace the hot dogs and beer at the concession stands with champagne and caviar. Bring in Robin Leach to sing during the 7th inning stretch.
I just don't care any more, because what I'd like more than anything else, is for Cubs fans to just stay away. Let attendance and revenues dwindle. Put Alfonso "Cubs Fans Should Have Patience" Soriano and the other overpaid millionaires on the bread line. Stop signing free agents. What will happen? The team will continue to NOT win the World Series. So what? Perhaps then we can be like the Tampa Rays, and at least have some fun watching young players at more reasonable prices.
Note: I dedicate this column to the most loyal Cubs fan in St. Louis, Mr. Ian "I Still Believe in the Inherit Righteousness of the Cubs" Caso, who wants Cubs ticket prices to be raised as much as possible, because he lives in St. Louis and doesn't attend games anyways, and foolishly believes that the Cubs will use the money to pursue studs like Jake Peavy and Brian Roberts.
Its difficult to calculate the exact scale of the increase- the Cubs are being purposely vague and misleading about it. They've stated that the increase is "only 6% outside of 14 platinum games." So the Cubs have now created a fourth category of ticket prices for "platinum" games- games against the Cardinals, Mets, during holiday weekends, etc. The price hikes for the platinum games are very substantial- for example, a bleacher seat will now go for $60- a 25% increase. So the overall increase is probably something in the range of 15-20%.
So this is a big price increase in the wake of yet another disastrous playoff collapse and, in the teeth, of the country's worst recession in 34 years. Yet the Cubs spun the increases like Karl Rove would spin an indictment against the administration, absurdly claiming that "33% of tickets will remain at the same price." The headline of the article about the ticket price increases on mlb.com was actually, "Cubs freeze 33% of Ticket Prices"! http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20081206&content_id=3704406&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb And the Chicago Tribune dutifully covered the story similarly, with the 33% freeze nonsense in the first line of their coverage, http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports_hardball/2008/12/cubs-announce-t.html Even the Chicago Sun Times got in on the act- biting on the Trib's transparent spin job, and swallowing their 33% nonsense hook, line and sinker, which is a little like running a story about a thief who steals $9,999 from someone and leaves $3,333 behind with the headline, "Victim Allowed to Keep 33% of Their Money." http://www.suntimes.com/sports/baseball/cubs/1317794,cubs-raise-ticket-prices-2009-120608.article
Are these reporters too dumb or lazy to be able to report beyond what they read in the press release the Cubs sent them? Maybe. But the more likely excuse for their pathetic reporting is the old soft coverage for acess deal. They know that if they portray the Cubs as the band of marauding, unscrupulous highway bandits that they are, they'll find it difficult to secure any interviews with players and those in the front office. But let's be real here- when do players, managers, or front office personnel ever say anything of interest to the press anyways? Is it really so critical to get that interview with so and so where he expounds on how hard he's been working and how he just wants to take it one game at a time and give 110% and so forth? Spare me- i'd rather have a real journalist who tells us the truth and doesn't have access to the prima-donnas who don't say a damn thing of interest anyways.
The Cubs have the second most expensive tickets in baseball- the Red Sox- who have the most expensive seats- announced that they will not hike prices for the first time in 14 years due to the recession. And let's not forget that these folks have taken home 2 trophies recently. And what new players have the Cubs added to their roster in the off-season to justify another price hike? Let's see: a downgrade in the bullpen with Kevin Gregg (3.41 ERA/29 Saves/MLB leading 9 Blown Saves/37 BB/58 K's) replacing Kerry Wood (3.26 ERA/34 Saves/6 Blown Saves/18 BB/ 84 K's) and, drum roll please, Chad Fox. Chad Freaking Fox people- yes- rush out now and get those season tickets, Chad Fox will be taking the mound next year! Can't you see the t-shirt hawkers outside Wrigely now with shirts which say, "I'm a Fox!" And those with the old "We Got Wood" t-shirts, will now need to trade them in for "We Settled For Gregg" ones.
The Cubs raised ticket prices by 23% prior to last season and the public responded by turning out in record numbers- more than 3.3 million fans walked through the turnstiles. (And approximately 2.9 million of them left the ballpark drunk off their asses) The point is that people are desperate to attend Cubs games. No visit to Chicago in the summertime by every dork from Omaha to Arkansas is complete without the obligatory trip to Wrigley. Desperation, ignorance, and too much disposable income or access to credit all feed into the evil and diabolical plans of Cubs management, who would like nothing more than to charge $1,000,000 per ticket if they could get away with it.
Admit it, this is a stinking, rotting, corpse of a franchise. Yes, I know, the ticket brokers (of which the Tribune company owns the largest one) often get far more than face value for Cubs tickets- it's a scam perpetrated on dumb asses who probably deserve to be fleeced anyways. So I come around to this point then to Cubs team management: fine, increase your prices as much as you like- make the tickets so completely unaffordable that only the rich can attend games. Replace the hot dogs and beer at the concession stands with champagne and caviar. Bring in Robin Leach to sing during the 7th inning stretch.
I just don't care any more, because what I'd like more than anything else, is for Cubs fans to just stay away. Let attendance and revenues dwindle. Put Alfonso "Cubs Fans Should Have Patience" Soriano and the other overpaid millionaires on the bread line. Stop signing free agents. What will happen? The team will continue to NOT win the World Series. So what? Perhaps then we can be like the Tampa Rays, and at least have some fun watching young players at more reasonable prices.
Note: I dedicate this column to the most loyal Cubs fan in St. Louis, Mr. Ian "I Still Believe in the Inherit Righteousness of the Cubs" Caso, who wants Cubs ticket prices to be raised as much as possible, because he lives in St. Louis and doesn't attend games anyways, and foolishly believes that the Cubs will use the money to pursue studs like Jake Peavy and Brian Roberts.
Confessions of a New Father: Question: How Big is Leo? Answer: He's Getting Pretty Damn Big
Leo is now nearly fifteen months old and is already well on his way to being a big boy. How big, you might ask? My son could tell you: “Soooooooooooo Big.” That’s pretty damn big for those of you scoring along at home. Other questions we’ve taken to asking Leo include:
“How smart is Leo?”
“How handsome is Leo?”
“How gifted is Leo?”
The answer, which Leo invariably gives with a raise of both hands over his head as though he were in a sports arena doing the wave, is always, “So _______”
Luckily for him, we haven’t started to resort to trick questions yet like, “How smelly is Leo?” (hint: the answer is “So ____!”)
On November 2nd Leo was christened. Good thing for him too, because the devil was probably starting to wonder if the procrastinating parents were prepared to let him play for the wrong team. Leo was decked out like a little John Travolta circa the Saturday Night Fever era, with a stunning three piece dove white suit and tie, made complete by his curly, long locks (which have since been cut). Like most children, he wasn’t too stoked about being dunked in a cauldron of holy water, though after I lifted him out and the deacon said a few words, he then told the gathered audience to give Leo a little cheer. I hoisted the boy up and down over my head a few times and he delighted in the cries of “Yeah Leo!” that came from the pews. He is nothing if not a sucker for adulation-there are few things he enjoys more than hearing his name accompanied by a good round of applause.
Another significant milestone in Leo’s life was his first trip to the barbershop. We had to wait about an hour to have a private audience with Frank, my Sicilian-American barber from my grandma’s hometown of Villarosa, Sicily. Frank let Leo play on one of the vacant barber chairs and look at himself in the mirror. Leo was cool at the beginning of the cut, though his mood deteriorated rapidly as the cut wore on. Perhaps he wanted to wear his hair longer than Frank had in mind, but we’ll never know. Afterwards, we all repaired to a Greek dinner to split a massive chocolate milkshake- one of Leo’s favorites. The interesting thing about Leo and milkshakes though, is that he’s smart enough to not just want any old shake. One afternoon I brought him home one of those cheapie $1.50 shakes that comes out of a machine at a fast food restaurant and probably contains no actual milk or ice cream, thinking I was giving him a treat. He wanted no part of it. But offer the boy a sip of a $5 milkshake from the Oberweis Dairy, and he will howl with disgust if you try to take it away from him- even if its just you trying to get in a quick sip.
Leo started to walk about a month or so ago, and has actually gotten serious about it in the last couple weeks. The interesting thing about Leo’s walk is that its something of a cross between a drunken stagger and a confident swagger. Maybe we could call it a stwagger. He’s bold in the movement of his hips and in his pace- but he is also sometimes uncertain about whether he’ll careen out of control. Begin cliché’d, yet true, observation. Watching my son walk around the apartment is quite a site- somehow I just look at him and have a hard time believing how quickly he’s growing up. End cliché’d, yet true, observation. (I hope)
Leo’s a man of few, or more accurately, no real words at the moment, though he is fond of stringing together unrelated syllables and sounds. I’m fairly certain his first real, complete word is going to be “cookie.” Like his dad, he loves cookies, and is smart enough to know where we keep them. When he wants one, he points up to the cabinet and says loudly, “COOOH!” When I pull out the package he starts to smile and give himself a small round of applause. Yes, he must think, he’s going to get me a cookie, I’m training this sucker pretty good. Other foods that Leo likes include raspberries- he can eat them by the dozen- strawberries, soft pretzels, toast, jam, and teddy grahams. Boy can he take down the teddy grahams.
Of course, cookies and teddy grahams aren't his only guilty pleasures. He still enjoys breast milk as well- not so much for the milk itself mind you (he won't drink regular milk- only chocolate), but more for the sheer joie de vivre of it. When the chips are down- i.e. he's tired, hungry, bored, or has just had one of us take some item away from him when he was determined to have it- a little breast feeding is just the ticket to bring him down out of the doldrums or put him to sleep. Its also his early morning ritual. Typically sometime around 6.30 a.m. we'll hear some light clucking sounds emanating from his crib and echoing through our monitor system. The clucks become more insistent and louder if we try to ignore them and sleep in. Which we often do. Without success, I might add. When I liberate the boy from his crib and bring him into the bedroom, he reaches for Jen in bed instantaneously. I could easily sink into a pile of quicksand and the boy would not notice- which I'm ok with, given the circumstances.
After a brief and vigorous snack, the boy searches around our king size bed for the remote control, which he knows is the key to getting Sesame Street turned on. He'll snack a bit intermittently throughout the show, as red blooded Americans are wont to do, though rarely during the segments of his favorite characters- Elmo, Cookie Monster or Oscar the Grouch. Throughout the program though, he wants to have one hand on a breast- sometimes letting his little fingers just fish around as though he were reaching into a bowl of popcorn. Jen finds this habit to be most annoying and slightly embarrassing- particularly as he often starts putting his hand down her shirt in public when he wants a snack, though I do not fault the boy in the least. A young man needs something to fiddle with when he's watching telly or simply out in public having a good time, and a breast is just as good as a remote control or anything else. Begin cliché'd, yet true observation. Come to think of it, beyond breasts and remote controls, what else is there for the average American male? End, clichéd observation. (I hope) Whatever his motivations, its clear that the boy likes to breast-feed and weaning him is going to be a chore- though we hope to get it done sometime before he heads off to university. Breast feeding is Leo's way of unwinding after or before a long, stressful day of throwing food and toys and making random unintelligible proclamations, so we aren't ready to deny him the pleasure just yet.
Parents often like to speculate on what their children are going to be when they grow up. Typically that speculation involves lofty, high profile callings like law, medicine, garbage collecting or professional wrestling. I actually think Leo's going to be a demolition crew member. Who knows, maybe even a demolition crew leader. We do dare to dream in this household. The kid likes to destroy stuff. I bought him a whole bunch of elaborate Lego Duplo's a couple weeks ago in the hopes it would inspire him to build. I make him all kinds of elaborate stuff with them to get him interested in them, but all he wants to do is essentially wreck them. I build, he demolishes. The grander my structure, the more his glee as he dismantles it. Try to read the boy a book, he tries to rip the pages. Provide him with an in-flight magazine (we do this only if there is a significant delay) and he'll happily shred it. Ok, so perhaps his destructive tendencies aren't always a bad thing. If the demolition stuff doesn't pan out, he could also be a cable guy, as he loves to play with cords and wires.
Leo's a happy kid though, I must say. His default setting is a mischievous smile and a laugh. His laugh is one of the most pleasant sounds I've ever heard. It's impossible for me to be down about anything at all, when my son is happy. On rare occasions when he is angry- usually when something has been unjustifiably (in his mind) taken away from him- his look of disgust is almost comical, and we try hard not to laugh at him. I feel pride in him in even the oddest things- a particularly loud burp, a prominent fart, his propensity for gobbling cookies, when he throws a piece of food clear across the room! Damn, he's good, I think to myself, or sometimes out loud. I guess that, for a father, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing your son demonstrate your own traits, even if they aren't ones you are really proud of.
“How smart is Leo?”
“How handsome is Leo?”
“How gifted is Leo?”
The answer, which Leo invariably gives with a raise of both hands over his head as though he were in a sports arena doing the wave, is always, “So _______”
Luckily for him, we haven’t started to resort to trick questions yet like, “How smelly is Leo?” (hint: the answer is “So ____!”)
On November 2nd Leo was christened. Good thing for him too, because the devil was probably starting to wonder if the procrastinating parents were prepared to let him play for the wrong team. Leo was decked out like a little John Travolta circa the Saturday Night Fever era, with a stunning three piece dove white suit and tie, made complete by his curly, long locks (which have since been cut). Like most children, he wasn’t too stoked about being dunked in a cauldron of holy water, though after I lifted him out and the deacon said a few words, he then told the gathered audience to give Leo a little cheer. I hoisted the boy up and down over my head a few times and he delighted in the cries of “Yeah Leo!” that came from the pews. He is nothing if not a sucker for adulation-there are few things he enjoys more than hearing his name accompanied by a good round of applause.
Another significant milestone in Leo’s life was his first trip to the barbershop. We had to wait about an hour to have a private audience with Frank, my Sicilian-American barber from my grandma’s hometown of Villarosa, Sicily. Frank let Leo play on one of the vacant barber chairs and look at himself in the mirror. Leo was cool at the beginning of the cut, though his mood deteriorated rapidly as the cut wore on. Perhaps he wanted to wear his hair longer than Frank had in mind, but we’ll never know. Afterwards, we all repaired to a Greek dinner to split a massive chocolate milkshake- one of Leo’s favorites. The interesting thing about Leo and milkshakes though, is that he’s smart enough to not just want any old shake. One afternoon I brought him home one of those cheapie $1.50 shakes that comes out of a machine at a fast food restaurant and probably contains no actual milk or ice cream, thinking I was giving him a treat. He wanted no part of it. But offer the boy a sip of a $5 milkshake from the Oberweis Dairy, and he will howl with disgust if you try to take it away from him- even if its just you trying to get in a quick sip.
Leo started to walk about a month or so ago, and has actually gotten serious about it in the last couple weeks. The interesting thing about Leo’s walk is that its something of a cross between a drunken stagger and a confident swagger. Maybe we could call it a stwagger. He’s bold in the movement of his hips and in his pace- but he is also sometimes uncertain about whether he’ll careen out of control. Begin cliché’d, yet true, observation. Watching my son walk around the apartment is quite a site- somehow I just look at him and have a hard time believing how quickly he’s growing up. End cliché’d, yet true, observation. (I hope)
Leo’s a man of few, or more accurately, no real words at the moment, though he is fond of stringing together unrelated syllables and sounds. I’m fairly certain his first real, complete word is going to be “cookie.” Like his dad, he loves cookies, and is smart enough to know where we keep them. When he wants one, he points up to the cabinet and says loudly, “COOOH!” When I pull out the package he starts to smile and give himself a small round of applause. Yes, he must think, he’s going to get me a cookie, I’m training this sucker pretty good. Other foods that Leo likes include raspberries- he can eat them by the dozen- strawberries, soft pretzels, toast, jam, and teddy grahams. Boy can he take down the teddy grahams.
Of course, cookies and teddy grahams aren't his only guilty pleasures. He still enjoys breast milk as well- not so much for the milk itself mind you (he won't drink regular milk- only chocolate), but more for the sheer joie de vivre of it. When the chips are down- i.e. he's tired, hungry, bored, or has just had one of us take some item away from him when he was determined to have it- a little breast feeding is just the ticket to bring him down out of the doldrums or put him to sleep. Its also his early morning ritual. Typically sometime around 6.30 a.m. we'll hear some light clucking sounds emanating from his crib and echoing through our monitor system. The clucks become more insistent and louder if we try to ignore them and sleep in. Which we often do. Without success, I might add. When I liberate the boy from his crib and bring him into the bedroom, he reaches for Jen in bed instantaneously. I could easily sink into a pile of quicksand and the boy would not notice- which I'm ok with, given the circumstances.
After a brief and vigorous snack, the boy searches around our king size bed for the remote control, which he knows is the key to getting Sesame Street turned on. He'll snack a bit intermittently throughout the show, as red blooded Americans are wont to do, though rarely during the segments of his favorite characters- Elmo, Cookie Monster or Oscar the Grouch. Throughout the program though, he wants to have one hand on a breast- sometimes letting his little fingers just fish around as though he were reaching into a bowl of popcorn. Jen finds this habit to be most annoying and slightly embarrassing- particularly as he often starts putting his hand down her shirt in public when he wants a snack, though I do not fault the boy in the least. A young man needs something to fiddle with when he's watching telly or simply out in public having a good time, and a breast is just as good as a remote control or anything else. Begin cliché'd, yet true observation. Come to think of it, beyond breasts and remote controls, what else is there for the average American male? End, clichéd observation. (I hope) Whatever his motivations, its clear that the boy likes to breast-feed and weaning him is going to be a chore- though we hope to get it done sometime before he heads off to university. Breast feeding is Leo's way of unwinding after or before a long, stressful day of throwing food and toys and making random unintelligible proclamations, so we aren't ready to deny him the pleasure just yet.
Parents often like to speculate on what their children are going to be when they grow up. Typically that speculation involves lofty, high profile callings like law, medicine, garbage collecting or professional wrestling. I actually think Leo's going to be a demolition crew member. Who knows, maybe even a demolition crew leader. We do dare to dream in this household. The kid likes to destroy stuff. I bought him a whole bunch of elaborate Lego Duplo's a couple weeks ago in the hopes it would inspire him to build. I make him all kinds of elaborate stuff with them to get him interested in them, but all he wants to do is essentially wreck them. I build, he demolishes. The grander my structure, the more his glee as he dismantles it. Try to read the boy a book, he tries to rip the pages. Provide him with an in-flight magazine (we do this only if there is a significant delay) and he'll happily shred it. Ok, so perhaps his destructive tendencies aren't always a bad thing. If the demolition stuff doesn't pan out, he could also be a cable guy, as he loves to play with cords and wires.
Leo's a happy kid though, I must say. His default setting is a mischievous smile and a laugh. His laugh is one of the most pleasant sounds I've ever heard. It's impossible for me to be down about anything at all, when my son is happy. On rare occasions when he is angry- usually when something has been unjustifiably (in his mind) taken away from him- his look of disgust is almost comical, and we try hard not to laugh at him. I feel pride in him in even the oddest things- a particularly loud burp, a prominent fart, his propensity for gobbling cookies, when he throws a piece of food clear across the room! Damn, he's good, I think to myself, or sometimes out loud. I guess that, for a father, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing your son demonstrate your own traits, even if they aren't ones you are really proud of.
NPR: Letting Criminals Walk Free is "Common Sense"
I know that listening to right-wing nuts rail about the liberal media can be tiresome, but, in many instances they are correct, especially when it comes to the elite media- major newspapers, the news networks, and, the granddaddy of them all, NPR. A story on NPR this morning about poor criminals was a perfect example. The story was about a change to bond procedures for criminals in Cook County Illinois. The lead-in to the story said something along the lines of “a new law in Cook County will make it easier for accused criminals to post bond at their hearings” or something along those lines- and that immediately caught my attention- because I thought it was going to be one of those “outrage” stories you hear where the reason why its news, is because its so outrageous.
But instead, NPR spun this new law as a victory for poor defendants, who are supposedly disadvantaged by high bonds that they can’t possibly post to get out of jail. The story was entirely positive and ended by concluding with a statement referring to the law as a “common-sense solution” to the bail hearing problem! “Common sense solution”? I guess NPR believes that setting accused criminals free asap is common sense. That last phrase, stated seemingly innocuously completely stripped away any sense of objectivity in the report, which was lacking in it anyways. Forgive me, but isn’t it the job of any good journalist to present both sides of any story- can this reporter (whose name I do not remember) honestly tell us that he wasn’t able to find anyone in Chicago that thinks that making it easier for accused criminals to get out of jail might not actually be the greatest thing since sliced bread? Give me a flipping break, NPR.
But instead, NPR spun this new law as a victory for poor defendants, who are supposedly disadvantaged by high bonds that they can’t possibly post to get out of jail. The story was entirely positive and ended by concluding with a statement referring to the law as a “common-sense solution” to the bail hearing problem! “Common sense solution”? I guess NPR believes that setting accused criminals free asap is common sense. That last phrase, stated seemingly innocuously completely stripped away any sense of objectivity in the report, which was lacking in it anyways. Forgive me, but isn’t it the job of any good journalist to present both sides of any story- can this reporter (whose name I do not remember) honestly tell us that he wasn’t able to find anyone in Chicago that thinks that making it easier for accused criminals to get out of jail might not actually be the greatest thing since sliced bread? Give me a flipping break, NPR.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Palin Speaks to Sarkozy
Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNhA9W9IgFc
Palin takes prank call from fake French president
By CHARMAINE NORONHA – 1 day ago
TORONTO (AP) — Sarah Palin unwittingly took a prank call Saturday from a Canadian comedian posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy and telling her she would make a good president someday.
"Maybe in eight years," replies a laughing Palin.
The Republican vice presidential nominee discusses politics, the perils of hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney, and Sarkozy's "beautiful wife," in a recording of the six-minute call released Saturday and set to air Monday on a Quebec radio station.
Palin campaign spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt confirmed she had received the prank call.
"Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy and other celebrities, in being targeted by these pranksters. C'est la vie," she said.
The call was made by a well-known Montreal comedy duo Marc-Antoine Audette and Sebastien Trudel. Known as the Masked Avengers, the two are notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state.
Audette, posing as Sarkozy, speaks in an exaggerated French accent and drops ample hints that the conversation is a joke. But Palin seemingly does not pick up on them.
He tells Palin one of his favorite pastimes is hunting, also a passion of the 44-year-old Alaska governor.
"I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun," the fake Sarkozy says.
He proposes they go hunting together by helicopter, something he says he has never done.
"Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done," Palin counters. "We can kill two birds with one stone that way."
The comedian jokes that they shouldn't bring Cheney along on the hunt, referring to the 2006 incident in which the vice-president shot and injured a friend while hunting quail.
"I'll be a careful shot," responds Palin.
Playing off the governor's much-mocked comment in an early television interview that she had insights into foreign policy because "you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska," the caller tells her: "You know we have a lot in common also, because ... from my house I can see Belgium."
She replies: "Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes."
When Audette refers to Canadian singer Steph Carse as Canada's prime minister, Palin replies: "Well, he's doing fine and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder." Canada's prime minister is Stephen Harper.
Palin praises Sarkozy throughout the call and also mentions his wife Carla Bruni, a model-turned-songwriter.
"You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife," Palin says. "Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours."
The Sarkozy impersonator tells Palin his wife is "so hot in bed" and then informs her that Bruni has written a song for her about Joe the Plumber entitled "Du rouge a levres sur une cochonne" — which translates as "Lipstick on a Pig."
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama derided his Republican challenger John McCain's call for change in Washington as "lipstick on a pig," days after Palin made a lipstick joke at the Republican convention. The McCain-Palin campaign then released an ad implying Obama was calling Palin a pig with that remark.
The caller asks Palin if Joe the Plumber is her husband and adds: "We have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit."
He also tells the Alaska governor that he loved the "documentary" made about her and referred to a pornographic film with a Palin look-alike made by Hustler founder Larry Flynt.
She answers tentatively, "Ohh, good, thank you, yes."
The callers then reveal the prank and identify themselves and their radio station.
"Ohhh, have we been pranked?" Palin asks before handing the phone to an aide who ends the call.
Obama's campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs, commenting on the prank, said: "I'm glad we check out our calls before we hand the phone to Barack Obama."
Palin takes prank call from fake French president
By CHARMAINE NORONHA – 1 day ago
TORONTO (AP) — Sarah Palin unwittingly took a prank call Saturday from a Canadian comedian posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy and telling her she would make a good president someday.
"Maybe in eight years," replies a laughing Palin.
The Republican vice presidential nominee discusses politics, the perils of hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney, and Sarkozy's "beautiful wife," in a recording of the six-minute call released Saturday and set to air Monday on a Quebec radio station.
Palin campaign spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt confirmed she had received the prank call.
"Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy and other celebrities, in being targeted by these pranksters. C'est la vie," she said.
The call was made by a well-known Montreal comedy duo Marc-Antoine Audette and Sebastien Trudel. Known as the Masked Avengers, the two are notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state.
Audette, posing as Sarkozy, speaks in an exaggerated French accent and drops ample hints that the conversation is a joke. But Palin seemingly does not pick up on them.
He tells Palin one of his favorite pastimes is hunting, also a passion of the 44-year-old Alaska governor.
"I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun," the fake Sarkozy says.
He proposes they go hunting together by helicopter, something he says he has never done.
"Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done," Palin counters. "We can kill two birds with one stone that way."
The comedian jokes that they shouldn't bring Cheney along on the hunt, referring to the 2006 incident in which the vice-president shot and injured a friend while hunting quail.
"I'll be a careful shot," responds Palin.
Playing off the governor's much-mocked comment in an early television interview that she had insights into foreign policy because "you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska," the caller tells her: "You know we have a lot in common also, because ... from my house I can see Belgium."
She replies: "Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes."
When Audette refers to Canadian singer Steph Carse as Canada's prime minister, Palin replies: "Well, he's doing fine and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder." Canada's prime minister is Stephen Harper.
Palin praises Sarkozy throughout the call and also mentions his wife Carla Bruni, a model-turned-songwriter.
"You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife," Palin says. "Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours."
The Sarkozy impersonator tells Palin his wife is "so hot in bed" and then informs her that Bruni has written a song for her about Joe the Plumber entitled "Du rouge a levres sur une cochonne" — which translates as "Lipstick on a Pig."
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama derided his Republican challenger John McCain's call for change in Washington as "lipstick on a pig," days after Palin made a lipstick joke at the Republican convention. The McCain-Palin campaign then released an ad implying Obama was calling Palin a pig with that remark.
The caller asks Palin if Joe the Plumber is her husband and adds: "We have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit."
He also tells the Alaska governor that he loved the "documentary" made about her and referred to a pornographic film with a Palin look-alike made by Hustler founder Larry Flynt.
She answers tentatively, "Ohh, good, thank you, yes."
The callers then reveal the prank and identify themselves and their radio station.
"Ohhh, have we been pranked?" Palin asks before handing the phone to an aide who ends the call.
Obama's campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs, commenting on the prank, said: "I'm glad we check out our calls before we hand the phone to Barack Obama."
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Putting Lipstick on a Pig
The Republican National Committee has reportedly spent over $150,000 on Sarah Palin’s outfits, hair and nails over the last couple months, according to this story on Politico, http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14805.html What was it that Obama was saying a few weeks ago about trying to put lipstick on a pig? Does it really matter how you look when you are making statements this ignorant?
“All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008
(clip: XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=54&gps=532_406_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/30/sarah-palin-answers-what_n_130706.html)
“Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan." –Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=161&gps=337_655_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D9H-btXPfhGs)
“T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=225&gps=448_840_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dl40nrw3V3GA)
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=317&gps=328_86_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/palin-talks-russia-with-k_n_129318.html)
"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." --Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008
"I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing ... any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that." --Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state's ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008
Katie Couric: "What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?"
Sarah Palin: "Well, let's see. There's --of course --in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are -- those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know -- going through the history of America, there would be others but--"
Couric: "Can you think of any?"
Palin: "Well, I could think of -- of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I'm so privileged to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today." --unable to name any Supreme Court decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008
"But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy." --Sarah Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"Perhaps so." --Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
"You'll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans." --Sarah Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008
“I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you." --Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"Absolutely. Yup, yup." --Sarah Palin after being asked by People magazine if she was ready to be a heartbeat away from the presidency
“GIBSON: We talk on the anniversary of 9/11. Why do you think those hijackers attacked? Why did they want to hurt us?
PALIN: You know, there is a very small percentage of Islamic believers who are extreme and they are violent and they do not believe in American ideals, and they attacked us and now we are at a point here seven years later, on the anniversary, in this post-9/11 world, where we're able to commit to never again. They see that the only option for them is to become a suicide bomber, to get caught up in this evil, in this terror. They need to be provided the hope that all Americans have instilled in us, because we're a democratic, we are a free, and we are a free-thinking society. "
“All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008
(clip: XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=54&gps=532_406_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/30/sarah-palin-answers-what_n_130706.html)
“Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan." –Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=161&gps=337_655_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D9H-btXPfhGs)
“T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=225&gps=448_840_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dl40nrw3V3GA)
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=317&gps=328_86_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/palin-talks-russia-with-k_n_129318.html)
"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." --Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008
"I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing ... any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that." --Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state's ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008
Katie Couric: "What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?"
Sarah Palin: "Well, let's see. There's --of course --in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are -- those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know -- going through the history of America, there would be others but--"
Couric: "Can you think of any?"
Palin: "Well, I could think of -- of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I'm so privileged to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today." --unable to name any Supreme Court decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008
"But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy." --Sarah Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"Perhaps so." --Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
"You'll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans." --Sarah Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008
“I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you." --Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"Absolutely. Yup, yup." --Sarah Palin after being asked by People magazine if she was ready to be a heartbeat away from the presidency
“GIBSON: We talk on the anniversary of 9/11. Why do you think those hijackers attacked? Why did they want to hurt us?
PALIN: You know, there is a very small percentage of Islamic believers who are extreme and they are violent and they do not believe in American ideals, and they attacked us and now we are at a point here seven years later, on the anniversary, in this post-9/11 world, where we're able to commit to never again. They see that the only option for them is to become a suicide bomber, to get caught up in this evil, in this terror. They need to be provided the hope that all Americans have instilled in us, because we're a democratic, we are a free, and we are a free-thinking society. "
Friday, October 17, 2008
Work is Overrated
Having a job gives one a handy response when people ask you "what do you do?" and the biweekly paychecks certainly come in handy, but other than that, isn't gainful employment a bit overrated? First of all, who decided that the ratio of work days to play days should be 5 versus 2? If you were drawing up plans for a perfect world, is this the formula you would use?
Osama to Endorse Obama
There are only a few possible things that could keep Obama out of the White House at this point.
1. Osama endorses Obama- you know this is coming right? Bin Laden is going to put his scraggly ass back in front of the camera and make some kind of statement where he either bluntly or subtely states some preference for Obama to win the election. Not because Osama actually wants Obama to win, mind you, just the opposite. If we elect a black man whose father was a muslim, that undermines their claim that we are an intolerant country that wants to wage a crusade against Islam. (Never mind the fact that our policies in the Middle East are appaling and the fact that many Americans do fear and hate Islam) No, Osama wants to have another trigger happy cowboy who talks tough and antagonizes the rest of the world. That would be John Sideny "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran" McCain.
An Osama tape release of any kind, no matter what the message would be bad for Obama, the man who "pals around with terrorists", according to Sarah Palin and other illiterate fearmongers in the Republican party, your local trailer park experts, and people who travel the NASCAR circuit. For all of the rhetoric about Obama being a terrorist lover, you'd think that Osama was actually on his ticket. Please Osama, don't do it. No tapes please.
2. Obama gets caught on tape balling Joe the Plumber's Wife
3. Lewinsky has another stained dress in her closed with Obama's DNA on it
4. Obama gets caught playing footsie in adjoining bathroom stalls with Bill Ayers
5. Obama announces that the Rev. Jeremiah Wright would be his choice for Secretary of Homeland Security or would swear him in and sing the national anthem at his inauguration
6. Michelle Obama is caught in a state of undress in the back of Joe the Plumber's van
7. Barrack pulls a Boutrous Boutrous Ghali and changes his first name to Hussein, making him Hussein Hussein Obama
8. Sarah Palin does an interview in which she manages to sound literate
9. The McCain campaign ceases its usage of the following phrases, "my friends", "i know how to...", "we're mavericks", "take on the good old boy network", and "shining city on a hill"
10. Prior to casting his ballot on election day, Obama rolls out a prayer matt and kneels down to pray in the direction of Mecca
1. Osama endorses Obama- you know this is coming right? Bin Laden is going to put his scraggly ass back in front of the camera and make some kind of statement where he either bluntly or subtely states some preference for Obama to win the election. Not because Osama actually wants Obama to win, mind you, just the opposite. If we elect a black man whose father was a muslim, that undermines their claim that we are an intolerant country that wants to wage a crusade against Islam. (Never mind the fact that our policies in the Middle East are appaling and the fact that many Americans do fear and hate Islam) No, Osama wants to have another trigger happy cowboy who talks tough and antagonizes the rest of the world. That would be John Sideny "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran" McCain.
An Osama tape release of any kind, no matter what the message would be bad for Obama, the man who "pals around with terrorists", according to Sarah Palin and other illiterate fearmongers in the Republican party, your local trailer park experts, and people who travel the NASCAR circuit. For all of the rhetoric about Obama being a terrorist lover, you'd think that Osama was actually on his ticket. Please Osama, don't do it. No tapes please.
2. Obama gets caught on tape balling Joe the Plumber's Wife
3. Lewinsky has another stained dress in her closed with Obama's DNA on it
4. Obama gets caught playing footsie in adjoining bathroom stalls with Bill Ayers
5. Obama announces that the Rev. Jeremiah Wright would be his choice for Secretary of Homeland Security or would swear him in and sing the national anthem at his inauguration
6. Michelle Obama is caught in a state of undress in the back of Joe the Plumber's van
7. Barrack pulls a Boutrous Boutrous Ghali and changes his first name to Hussein, making him Hussein Hussein Obama
8. Sarah Palin does an interview in which she manages to sound literate
9. The McCain campaign ceases its usage of the following phrases, "my friends", "i know how to...", "we're mavericks", "take on the good old boy network", and "shining city on a hill"
10. Prior to casting his ballot on election day, Obama rolls out a prayer matt and kneels down to pray in the direction of Mecca
The Hazards of Public Transportation in Chicago
When I used to work in sales, I had no option but to drive to and from work, and I used to dream of a less stressful commute aboard public transportation. I had visions of a nice comfortable seat, perhaps some music or a podcast playing on my ipod, and a morning paper or a good book to brighten my mood on my way into work or home. These days I commute via the “L” , Chicago’s T, tube, subway, whatever you prefer to call it, and I can confirm that my earlier notions of public transport bliss were woefully naïve.
First of all, for those who drive, its easy to forget that there is a reason why the word “public” appears pretty prominently in the phrase “public transportation.” If you aren’t particularly fond of the public I can’t really recommend public transportation, because riding the rails exposes one to the unwashed masses and all of the problems that arise when trying to cope with mankind’s irritating habits. These days, there are a hell of a lot of people using public transportation, and on any one el car you are likely to encounter the following types of people and situations:
1. Cell phone users- I understand the occasional need to make phone calls while riding the L, but when people are crammed into close quarters, is it really necessary to have LENGTHY conversations at a volume so loud, that everyone in the nearby vicinity is unable to concentrate on their book, magazine or newspaper? The other day, I was within about two feet of a woman that was practically screaming in Russian, no less, into her cell phone for the entire length of my ride- 30- minutes. In fact, when we arrived at the final stop on the line, where I got out, she sat still in her seat and continued to scream into her phone. No amount of dirty looks or audible sighs diminished her volume in any way. I imagine that she continued her performance for those boarding the train and heading back into the city. It’s even worse when the offenders- who are usually, though not always women- are speaking English. “She said what?” “that bitch!” “he wasn’t copied on the e-mail? That’s bullshit- she’s always cc’ing my boss whenever I do anything wrong!” I can’t tell you how frequently I am subjected to these kinds of conversations and have to give up on whatever book I am trying to read. Last week I encountered a man, old enough to know better, who was- get this- hollering into his cellphone while it was on speakerphone on a very crowded train. So we were all subjected not only to his inane ramblings, but the equally inspid retorts of the woman he was speaking to.
2. Mobile DJ’s- There was once a time in our history when, if you wanted to inflict your taste in music on others, you had to carry around a massive ghetto blaster, but today all you need is an ipod nano and you can subject half a train car full of people to your horrific taste in music. I notice that people who like to blast music in their headphones like to sit down next to someone like me that has his nose buried in a book, rather than sitting next to the cell phone users. You can give them all the dirty looks you want, you can even cover your ears ostentatiously, but they aren’t going to lower their music.
3. Space invaders- No delicate way to put this- public transport is getting more and more crowded, but people’s asses aren’t getting any less gigantic. But do those with ass cheeks so spacious that they take up 1.5 seats, choose to stand? Hell no.
4. Captive Audiences- There are lots of people on the L in Chicago that are: a) “just trying to get something to eat”, b) “here to tell you that the Lord Jesus Christ is your savior, or c) “trying to raise money for their church/school/drug habit by selling these delicious M & M’s”
5. When the hell will the train leave?- I’ve been studying the pattern of when the L comes and goes in the morning on the green and blue lines each day for the last several weeks, each morning I jot down what time my train actually departs from the station. I can now conclude, with a reasonable degree of accuracy, that there is absolutely no pattern whatsoever.
6. Should I run to catch it or walk?- Each morning that I take the green line into the city, I am faced with a choice as I get up to the platform- should I run, jog, or walk towards the train? For some unknown reason, the train, which starts at my station and is usually sitting idle when I get there, is always parked a very long way down the platform. There is only a very brief chime before the doors close and one never knows when that can happen, so you can be nonchalant and stroll down the platform towards the train, but you might be standing there as the doors shut in your face. Or you can run and look like a jackass when you board the train, out of breath, and then just sit there for 10 minutes while the doors remain wide open. The choice is up to you.
7. We appreciate your patience- CTA (Chicago Transit Authority) is constantly telling you how much they “appreciate your patience” at the most inopportune times. I find that whenever I am cursing the damn, mother&*^&*^&*(^! train, I am usually being thanked for being so patient.
First of all, for those who drive, its easy to forget that there is a reason why the word “public” appears pretty prominently in the phrase “public transportation.” If you aren’t particularly fond of the public I can’t really recommend public transportation, because riding the rails exposes one to the unwashed masses and all of the problems that arise when trying to cope with mankind’s irritating habits. These days, there are a hell of a lot of people using public transportation, and on any one el car you are likely to encounter the following types of people and situations:
1. Cell phone users- I understand the occasional need to make phone calls while riding the L, but when people are crammed into close quarters, is it really necessary to have LENGTHY conversations at a volume so loud, that everyone in the nearby vicinity is unable to concentrate on their book, magazine or newspaper? The other day, I was within about two feet of a woman that was practically screaming in Russian, no less, into her cell phone for the entire length of my ride- 30- minutes. In fact, when we arrived at the final stop on the line, where I got out, she sat still in her seat and continued to scream into her phone. No amount of dirty looks or audible sighs diminished her volume in any way. I imagine that she continued her performance for those boarding the train and heading back into the city. It’s even worse when the offenders- who are usually, though not always women- are speaking English. “She said what?” “that bitch!” “he wasn’t copied on the e-mail? That’s bullshit- she’s always cc’ing my boss whenever I do anything wrong!” I can’t tell you how frequently I am subjected to these kinds of conversations and have to give up on whatever book I am trying to read. Last week I encountered a man, old enough to know better, who was- get this- hollering into his cellphone while it was on speakerphone on a very crowded train. So we were all subjected not only to his inane ramblings, but the equally inspid retorts of the woman he was speaking to.
2. Mobile DJ’s- There was once a time in our history when, if you wanted to inflict your taste in music on others, you had to carry around a massive ghetto blaster, but today all you need is an ipod nano and you can subject half a train car full of people to your horrific taste in music. I notice that people who like to blast music in their headphones like to sit down next to someone like me that has his nose buried in a book, rather than sitting next to the cell phone users. You can give them all the dirty looks you want, you can even cover your ears ostentatiously, but they aren’t going to lower their music.
3. Space invaders- No delicate way to put this- public transport is getting more and more crowded, but people’s asses aren’t getting any less gigantic. But do those with ass cheeks so spacious that they take up 1.5 seats, choose to stand? Hell no.
4. Captive Audiences- There are lots of people on the L in Chicago that are: a) “just trying to get something to eat”, b) “here to tell you that the Lord Jesus Christ is your savior, or c) “trying to raise money for their church/school/drug habit by selling these delicious M & M’s”
5. When the hell will the train leave?- I’ve been studying the pattern of when the L comes and goes in the morning on the green and blue lines each day for the last several weeks, each morning I jot down what time my train actually departs from the station. I can now conclude, with a reasonable degree of accuracy, that there is absolutely no pattern whatsoever.
6. Should I run to catch it or walk?- Each morning that I take the green line into the city, I am faced with a choice as I get up to the platform- should I run, jog, or walk towards the train? For some unknown reason, the train, which starts at my station and is usually sitting idle when I get there, is always parked a very long way down the platform. There is only a very brief chime before the doors close and one never knows when that can happen, so you can be nonchalant and stroll down the platform towards the train, but you might be standing there as the doors shut in your face. Or you can run and look like a jackass when you board the train, out of breath, and then just sit there for 10 minutes while the doors remain wide open. The choice is up to you.
7. We appreciate your patience- CTA (Chicago Transit Authority) is constantly telling you how much they “appreciate your patience” at the most inopportune times. I find that whenever I am cursing the damn, mother&*^&*^&*(^! train, I am usually being thanked for being so patient.
McCain Knows How to Get Bin Laden
But he's not telling. Not unless you elect him president. What a patriot!
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