Osama to Endorse Obama

There are only a few possible things that could keep Obama out of the White House at this point.

1. Osama endorses Obama- you know this is coming right? Bin Laden is going to put his scraggly ass back in front of the camera and make some kind of statement where he either bluntly or subtely states some preference for Obama to win the election. Not because Osama actually wants Obama to win, mind you, just the opposite. If we elect a black man whose father was a muslim, that undermines their claim that we are an intolerant country that wants to wage a crusade against Islam. (Never mind the fact that our policies in the Middle East are appaling and the fact that many Americans do fear and hate Islam) No, Osama wants to have another trigger happy cowboy who talks tough and antagonizes the rest of the world. That would be John Sideny "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran" McCain.

An Osama tape release of any kind, no matter what the message would be bad for Obama, the man who "pals around with terrorists", according to Sarah Palin and other illiterate fearmongers in the Republican party, your local trailer park experts, and people who travel the NASCAR circuit. For all of the rhetoric about Obama being a terrorist lover, you'd think that Osama was actually on his ticket. Please Osama, don't do it. No tapes please.

2. Obama gets caught on tape balling Joe the Plumber's Wife

3. Lewinsky has another stained dress in her closed with Obama's DNA on it

4. Obama gets caught playing footsie in adjoining bathroom stalls with Bill Ayers

5. Obama announces that the Rev. Jeremiah Wright would be his choice for Secretary of Homeland Security or would swear him in and sing the national anthem at his inauguration

6. Michelle Obama is caught in a state of undress in the back of Joe the Plumber's van


7. Barrack pulls a Boutrous Boutrous Ghali and changes his first name to Hussein, making him Hussein Hussein Obama

8. Sarah Palin does an interview in which she manages to sound literate

9. The McCain campaign ceases its usage of the following phrases, "my friends", "i know how to...", "we're mavericks", "take on the good old boy network", and "shining city on a hill"

10. Prior to casting his ballot on election day, Obama rolls out a prayer matt and kneels down to pray in the direction of Mecca

McCain Knows How to Get Bin Laden

But he's not telling. Not unless you elect him president. What a patriot!

Osama as a Child

A few interesting facts about Osama bin Laden's childhood according to the Looming Tower by Lawrence Wright:

+ OBL was the founding member of an a cappella singing group as a teen. The group- which seems to have been something of a babershop quartet minus the barbershop- cut some singles they wrote about jihad, but never cracked the Saudi charts.

+ OBL married for the first time in high school, at age 17. His first bride was a cousin who was 14 at the time. They went on to have 11 children together.

+ OBL's second wife had a PHD in child psycology and was seven years older than him- she bore him one child. His third wife also had a doctorate (in Arabic grammar) and bore him four children. His fourth and wife bore him 4 children. Wikipedia claims that he's had 5 wives and has divorced two of them.

+ Friends and relatives claim that OBL became interested in the plight of Palestinians at age 14, and would sometimes break into tears when hearing about events in Palestine on the news.