Palin Speaks to Sarkozy

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNhA9W9IgFc

Palin takes prank call from fake French president
By CHARMAINE NORONHA – 1 day ago

TORONTO (AP) — Sarah Palin unwittingly took a prank call Saturday from a Canadian comedian posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy and telling her she would make a good president someday.

"Maybe in eight years," replies a laughing Palin.

The Republican vice presidential nominee discusses politics, the perils of hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney, and Sarkozy's "beautiful wife," in a recording of the six-minute call released Saturday and set to air Monday on a Quebec radio station.

Palin campaign spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt confirmed she had received the prank call.

"Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy and other celebrities, in being targeted by these pranksters. C'est la vie," she said.

The call was made by a well-known Montreal comedy duo Marc-Antoine Audette and Sebastien Trudel. Known as the Masked Avengers, the two are notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state.

Audette, posing as Sarkozy, speaks in an exaggerated French accent and drops ample hints that the conversation is a joke. But Palin seemingly does not pick up on them.

He tells Palin one of his favorite pastimes is hunting, also a passion of the 44-year-old Alaska governor.

"I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun," the fake Sarkozy says.

He proposes they go hunting together by helicopter, something he says he has never done.

"Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done," Palin counters. "We can kill two birds with one stone that way."

The comedian jokes that they shouldn't bring Cheney along on the hunt, referring to the 2006 incident in which the vice-president shot and injured a friend while hunting quail.

"I'll be a careful shot," responds Palin.

Playing off the governor's much-mocked comment in an early television interview that she had insights into foreign policy because "you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska," the caller tells her: "You know we have a lot in common also, because ... from my house I can see Belgium."

She replies: "Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes."

When Audette refers to Canadian singer Steph Carse as Canada's prime minister, Palin replies: "Well, he's doing fine and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder." Canada's prime minister is Stephen Harper.

Palin praises Sarkozy throughout the call and also mentions his wife Carla Bruni, a model-turned-songwriter.

"You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife," Palin says. "Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours."

The Sarkozy impersonator tells Palin his wife is "so hot in bed" and then informs her that Bruni has written a song for her about Joe the Plumber entitled "Du rouge a levres sur une cochonne" — which translates as "Lipstick on a Pig."

Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama derided his Republican challenger John McCain's call for change in Washington as "lipstick on a pig," days after Palin made a lipstick joke at the Republican convention. The McCain-Palin campaign then released an ad implying Obama was calling Palin a pig with that remark.

The caller asks Palin if Joe the Plumber is her husband and adds: "We have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit."

He also tells the Alaska governor that he loved the "documentary" made about her and referred to a pornographic film with a Palin look-alike made by Hustler founder Larry Flynt.

She answers tentatively, "Ohh, good, thank you, yes."

The callers then reveal the prank and identify themselves and their radio station.

"Ohhh, have we been pranked?" Palin asks before handing the phone to an aide who ends the call.

Obama's campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs, commenting on the prank, said: "I'm glad we check out our calls before we hand the phone to Barack Obama."

Putting Lipstick on a Pig

The Republican National Committee has reportedly spent over $150,000 on Sarah Palin’s outfits, hair and nails over the last couple months, according to this story on Politico, http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14805.html What was it that Obama was saying a few weeks ago about trying to put lipstick on a pig? Does it really matter how you look when you are making statements this ignorant?

“All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008
(clip: XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=54&gps=532_406_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/30/sarah-palin-answers-what_n_130706.html)

“Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan." –Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=161&gps=337_655_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D9H-btXPfhGs)

“T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008

(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=225&gps=448_840_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dl40nrw3V3GA)

"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008

(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=317&gps=328_86_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/palin-talks-russia-with-k_n_129318.html)

"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." --Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008

"I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing ... any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that." --Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state's ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008

Katie Couric: "What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?"
Sarah Palin: "Well, let's see. There's --of course --in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are -- those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know -- going through the history of America, there would be others but--"
Couric: "Can you think of any?"
Palin: "Well, I could think of -- of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I'm so privileged to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today." --unable to name any Supreme Court decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008


"But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy." --Sarah Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008

"Perhaps so." --Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008

"You'll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans." --Sarah Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008


“I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you." --Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS interview, Sept. 24, 2008

"Absolutely. Yup, yup." --Sarah Palin after being asked by People magazine if she was ready to be a heartbeat away from the presidency

“GIBSON: We talk on the anniversary of 9/11. Why do you think those hijackers attacked? Why did they want to hurt us?
PALIN: You know, there is a very small percentage of Islamic believers who are extreme and they are violent and they do not believe in American ideals, and they attacked us and now we are at a point here seven years later, on the anniversary, in this post-9/11 world, where we're able to commit to never again. They see that the only option for them is to become a suicide bomber, to get caught up in this evil, in this terror. They need to be provided the hope that all Americans have instilled in us, because we're a democratic, we are a free, and we are a free-thinking society. "

Work is Overrated

Having a job gives one a handy response when people ask you "what do you do?" and the biweekly paychecks certainly come in handy, but other than that, isn't gainful employment a bit overrated? First of all, who decided that the ratio of work days to play days should be 5 versus 2? If you were drawing up plans for a perfect world, is this the formula you would use?

Osama to Endorse Obama

There are only a few possible things that could keep Obama out of the White House at this point.

1. Osama endorses Obama- you know this is coming right? Bin Laden is going to put his scraggly ass back in front of the camera and make some kind of statement where he either bluntly or subtely states some preference for Obama to win the election. Not because Osama actually wants Obama to win, mind you, just the opposite. If we elect a black man whose father was a muslim, that undermines their claim that we are an intolerant country that wants to wage a crusade against Islam. (Never mind the fact that our policies in the Middle East are appaling and the fact that many Americans do fear and hate Islam) No, Osama wants to have another trigger happy cowboy who talks tough and antagonizes the rest of the world. That would be John Sideny "Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Iran" McCain.

An Osama tape release of any kind, no matter what the message would be bad for Obama, the man who "pals around with terrorists", according to Sarah Palin and other illiterate fearmongers in the Republican party, your local trailer park experts, and people who travel the NASCAR circuit. For all of the rhetoric about Obama being a terrorist lover, you'd think that Osama was actually on his ticket. Please Osama, don't do it. No tapes please.

2. Obama gets caught on tape balling Joe the Plumber's Wife

3. Lewinsky has another stained dress in her closed with Obama's DNA on it

4. Obama gets caught playing footsie in adjoining bathroom stalls with Bill Ayers

5. Obama announces that the Rev. Jeremiah Wright would be his choice for Secretary of Homeland Security or would swear him in and sing the national anthem at his inauguration

6. Michelle Obama is caught in a state of undress in the back of Joe the Plumber's van


7. Barrack pulls a Boutrous Boutrous Ghali and changes his first name to Hussein, making him Hussein Hussein Obama

8. Sarah Palin does an interview in which she manages to sound literate

9. The McCain campaign ceases its usage of the following phrases, "my friends", "i know how to...", "we're mavericks", "take on the good old boy network", and "shining city on a hill"

10. Prior to casting his ballot on election day, Obama rolls out a prayer matt and kneels down to pray in the direction of Mecca

The Hazards of Public Transportation in Chicago

When I used to work in sales, I had no option but to drive to and from work, and I used to dream of a less stressful commute aboard public transportation. I had visions of a nice comfortable seat, perhaps some music or a podcast playing on my ipod, and a morning paper or a good book to brighten my mood on my way into work or home. These days I commute via the “L” , Chicago’s T, tube, subway, whatever you prefer to call it, and I can confirm that my earlier notions of public transport bliss were woefully naïve.

First of all, for those who drive, its easy to forget that there is a reason why the word “public” appears pretty prominently in the phrase “public transportation.” If you aren’t particularly fond of the public I can’t really recommend public transportation, because riding the rails exposes one to the unwashed masses and all of the problems that arise when trying to cope with mankind’s irritating habits. These days, there are a hell of a lot of people using public transportation, and on any one el car you are likely to encounter the following types of people and situations:



1. Cell phone users- I understand the occasional need to make phone calls while riding the L, but when people are crammed into close quarters, is it really necessary to have LENGTHY conversations at a volume so loud, that everyone in the nearby vicinity is unable to concentrate on their book, magazine or newspaper? The other day, I was within about two feet of a woman that was practically screaming in Russian, no less, into her cell phone for the entire length of my ride- 30- minutes. In fact, when we arrived at the final stop on the line, where I got out, she sat still in her seat and continued to scream into her phone. No amount of dirty looks or audible sighs diminished her volume in any way. I imagine that she continued her performance for those boarding the train and heading back into the city. It’s even worse when the offenders- who are usually, though not always women- are speaking English. “She said what?” “that bitch!” “he wasn’t copied on the e-mail? That’s bullshit- she’s always cc’ing my boss whenever I do anything wrong!” I can’t tell you how frequently I am subjected to these kinds of conversations and have to give up on whatever book I am trying to read. Last week I encountered a man, old enough to know better, who was- get this- hollering into his cellphone while it was on speakerphone on a very crowded train. So we were all subjected not only to his inane ramblings, but the equally inspid retorts of the woman he was speaking to.
2. Mobile DJ’s- There was once a time in our history when, if you wanted to inflict your taste in music on others, you had to carry around a massive ghetto blaster, but today all you need is an ipod nano and you can subject half a train car full of people to your horrific taste in music. I notice that people who like to blast music in their headphones like to sit down next to someone like me that has his nose buried in a book, rather than sitting next to the cell phone users. You can give them all the dirty looks you want, you can even cover your ears ostentatiously, but they aren’t going to lower their music.
3. Space invaders- No delicate way to put this- public transport is getting more and more crowded, but people’s asses aren’t getting any less gigantic. But do those with ass cheeks so spacious that they take up 1.5 seats, choose to stand? Hell no.
4. Captive Audiences- There are lots of people on the L in Chicago that are: a) “just trying to get something to eat”, b) “here to tell you that the Lord Jesus Christ is your savior, or c) “trying to raise money for their church/school/drug habit by selling these delicious M & M’s”
5. When the hell will the train leave?- I’ve been studying the pattern of when the L comes and goes in the morning on the green and blue lines each day for the last several weeks, each morning I jot down what time my train actually departs from the station. I can now conclude, with a reasonable degree of accuracy, that there is absolutely no pattern whatsoever.
6. Should I run to catch it or walk?- Each morning that I take the green line into the city, I am faced with a choice as I get up to the platform- should I run, jog, or walk towards the train? For some unknown reason, the train, which starts at my station and is usually sitting idle when I get there, is always parked a very long way down the platform. There is only a very brief chime before the doors close and one never knows when that can happen, so you can be nonchalant and stroll down the platform towards the train, but you might be standing there as the doors shut in your face. Or you can run and look like a jackass when you board the train, out of breath, and then just sit there for 10 minutes while the doors remain wide open. The choice is up to you.
7. We appreciate your patience- CTA (Chicago Transit Authority) is constantly telling you how much they “appreciate your patience” at the most inopportune times. I find that whenever I am cursing the damn, mother&*^&*^&*(^! train, I am usually being thanked for being so patient.

McCain Knows How to Get Bin Laden

But he's not telling. Not unless you elect him president. What a patriot!

Cubs Clinch Another Early Winter Vacation

So the Cubs have choked again- getting swept in the first round of the playoffs for the second consecutive season- where is the news story there, you ask? But this year, like so many other years before it, was supposed to be “the year”. “This is the Year” the signs and t-shirts, and endless Ron Santo audio clips on WGN said. This year, however, turned out to be just like the previous 99 years as the underachieving Cubs, who led the National League with 97 wins, went down meekly to a Dodgers team that, had it been in the Cubs division would have finished 5th with 84 wins.

For me, the most disturbing part of this most recent Cubbie collapse is that there will be no consequences for those responsible for this debacle. The Cubs players- nearly all of them multi-millionaires- will retreat to the Sun Belt and Latin America to enjoy the winter in their luxury homes with their trophy wives, far away from their disgusted and disappointed fans that have nothing to look forward to now, other than visions of some other teams fans celebrating a world championship and a long, cold, dark Chicago winter. Does the fact that I hope that all the Cub players catch venereal diseases and become impotent in the offseason make me a bad person?

Why is it that the players sound a lot more upbeat than their fans right now? I wonder if it could be that their only punishment for losing is that they now have the next four months off? If the only consequence you had for failing miserably at your job was that you got to start an already long vacation a few weeks early, you'd be feeling pretty good too, wouldn't you?

Many Cubs fans will now swear off the team- vowing to kick their Cubs habit once and for all, after this latest heartbreak, but its not going to happen. A few weeks from now, Cubs Inc will announce yet another ticket price increase, and everyone will piss and moan, but come February, the same people will be paying through the nose to the scores of ticket brokers who have cornered the market for Cubs tickets. The previous two years of playoff embarrassments, or the other 98 years of playoff futility won’t matter, nor will it matter that the Cubs will stand by and watch idly as the other big market clubs sopp up the best free agents on the market. The more this team loses, the more popular it gets.

Other teams in a similar position would feel the need to hold off on ticket price increases, sign big free agents, and issue mea culpas to placate their angry fans. Not the Cubs- they know that there are no consequences for failure in Cubbieland. Alfonso Soriano, the Cubs left fielder, who made $14,000,000 this year, and was 1-14 in the losing effort, reportedly said that Cubs fans need to” be patient.” This from the man whose idea of patience at the plate is not swinging if the ball is thrown into one of the dugouts.

Still, even if real Cubs fans decided to boycott the Wrigley carnival- even for a day- it wouldn’t matter, because Wrigley is stop number one for every tourist, conventioneer, and businessperson passing through town. Everyone wants a piece of the cliché- the posed photo in front of the Harry Caray statue, the overpriced warm cans of Miller Lite at Murphy’s Bleachers, the drunken sorority girls in the bleachers, and the 7th inning stretch sing along. If they don’t win it’s a shame, but it doesn’t matter much either, does it? So what is to be done about this, to borrow a phrase from the Iranian president, “stinking corpse” of a franchise? I would lobby for the following clauses to be added to Cubs players contracts.

After each losing season, players must do the following:

§ Remain in Chicago to suffer through the bitter winter amongst their angry and frustrated fans.
§ Volunteer as bar-backs in Wrigleyville bars, clearing away the detritus left behind by their embittered fans.
§ Donate a hefty portion of their fat salaries to mental health facilities that treat Cubs fans.

Feel free to add your own suggestions to this list.

Sarah Speaks!

Sarah Palin is not a foreign policy lightweight; she’s a super-bantamweight. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boxing_weight_classes) She’s not a pig; she’s a horse’s ass. She’s been cramming for weeks (sample question McCain staffers quizzed her with- O.K. who’s in the U.N. Security Council, again?) and finally deigned to be interviewed yesterday by ABC’s Charlie Gibson, and in case you missed it, let me give you the low-lights and some analysis.

GIBSON: When I asked John McCain about your national security credentials, he cited the fact that you have commanded the Alaskan National Guard and that Alaska is close to Russia. Are those sufficient credentials?

PALIN: But it is about reform of government and it's about putting government back on the side of the people, and that has much to do with foreign policy and national security issues Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this table, Charlie, and that's with the energy independence that I've been working on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent of the U.S. domestic supply of energy, that I worked on as chairman of the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, overseeing the oil and gas development in our state to produce more for the United States.

GIBSON: I know. I'm just saying that national security is a whole lot more than energy.

PALIN: It is, but I want you to not lose sight of the fact that energy is a foundation of national security. It's that important. It's that significant. END QUOTE

So in other words, she has no experience, but she has been the governor of an oil-producing state for (less than) two years. The idea that foreign policy/national security and oil are essentially the same thing is an interesting idea- and it more or less confirms the rest of the world’s fears that the war in Iraq and our foreign policy writ large is dominated by our thirst for oil.

GIBSON: Did you ever travel outside the country prior to your trip to Kuwait and Germany last year?

PALIN: Canada, Mexico, and then, yes, that trip, that was the trip of a lifetime to visit our troops in Kuwait and stop and visit our injured soldiers in Germany. That was the trip of a lifetime and it changed my life. END QUOTE

Sadly, Gibson did not follow up to ask, “how did visiting troops in the deserts of Kuwait change your life?” So Sarah’s been to Tijuana, and crossed over into Canada to get a better look at Niagara Falls. Doesn’t really matter, because she lives in Alaska, which is so darned close to Russia.

GIBSON: You said recently, in your old church, "Our national leaders are sending U.S. soldiers on a task that is from God." Are we fighting a holy war?

PALIN: You know, I don't know if that was my exact quote.

GIBSON: Exact words.

PALIN: But the reference there is a repeat of Abraham Lincoln's words when he said -- first, he suggested never presume to know what God's will is, and I would never presume to know God's will or to speak God's words.
But what Abraham Lincoln had said, and that's a repeat in my comments, was let us not pray that God is on our side in a war or any other time, but let us pray that we are on God's side.
That's what that comment was all about, Charlie. And I do believe, though, that this war against extreme Islamic terrorists is the right thing. It's an unfortunate thing, because war is hell and I hate war, and, Charlie, today is the day that I send my first born, my son, my teenage son overseas with his Stryker brigade, 4,000 other wonderful American men and women, to fight for our country, for democracy, for our freedoms.
Charlie, those are freedoms that too many of us just take for granted. I hate war and I want to see war ended. We end war when we see victory, and we do see victory in sight in Iraq.

GIBSON: I take your point about Lincoln's words, but you went on and said, "There is a plan and it is God's plan."

PALIN: I believe that there is a plan for this world and that plan for this world is for good. I believe that there is great hope and great potential for every country to be able to live and be protected with inalienable rights that I believe are God-given, Charlie, and I believe that those are the rights to life and liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
That, in my world view, is a grand -- the grand plan. END QUOTE

Aside from the fact that she used the word, “Charlie” three times within one minute, this is an astonishing exchange. Again much of the Muslim World- suspects that the U.S. is engaged in a holy war in Iraq and Afghanistan, and here Palin’s previous statement confirms this for them. And Palin’s Honest Abe comparison is simply ludicrous- her statement bears more resemblance to the Blues Brothers “mission from God” quote than Lincoln’s.

GIBSON: What insight into Russian actions, particularly in the last couple of weeks, does the proximity of the state (of Alaska) give you?

PALIN: They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska.

GIBSON: What insight does that give you into what they're doing in Georgia?

PALIN: Well, I'm giving you that perspective of how small our world is and how important it is that we work with our allies to keep good relation with all of these countries, especially Russia. We will not repeat a Cold War. We must have good relationship with our allies, pressuring, also, helping us to remind Russia that it's in their benefit, also, a mutually beneficial relationship for us all to be getting along. END QUOTE

Indeed- Palin knows well what is going on in the Caucasus region- 10 time zones away from Alaska- because the western most extreme portion of her state is close to Siberia. Nice one. Also, love the notion of her Rodney King like- ‘can’t we all just get along’ idea- this coming just one question after she had just stated that we needed to “keep our eyes on Russia”, while calling their actions in Georgia “unprovoked” and “unacceptable”. Those statements are sure to improve ties.

After stating that Georgia and Ukraine should be brought into NATO, “Charlie” then asked:

GIBSON: And under the NATO treaty, wouldn't we then have to go to war if Russia went into Georgia?
PALIN: Perhaps so. I mean, that is the agreement when you are a NATO ally, is if another country is attacked, you're going to be expected to be called upon and help.
But NATO, I think, should include Ukraine, definitely, at this point and I think that we need to -- especially with new leadership coming in on January 20, being sworn on, on either ticket, we have got to make sure that we strengthen our allies, our ties with each one of those NATO members.
We have got to make sure that that is the group that can be counted upon to defend one another in a very dangerous world today.

GIBSON: And you think it would be worth it to the United States, Georgia is worth it to the United States to go to war if Russia were to invade.
PALIN: What I think is that smaller democratic countries that are invaded by a larger power is something for us to be vigilant against. We have got to be cognizant of what the consequences are if a larger power is able to take over smaller democratic countries.
And we have got to be vigilant. We have got to show the support, in this case, for Georgia. The support that we can show is economic sanctions perhaps against Russia, if this is what it leads to.
It doesn't have to lead to war and it doesn't have to lead, as I said, to a Cold War, but economic sanctions, diplomatic pressure, again, counting on our allies to help us do that in this mission of keeping our eye on Russia and Putin and some of his desire to control and to control much more than smaller democratic countries.
His mission, if it is to control energy supplies, also, coming from and through Russia, that's a dangerous position for our world to be in, if we were to allow that to happen. END QUOTE

So essentially, yes she is willing to take actions (i.e. admitting Georgia and Ukraine into NATO) that could drag us into war with Russia, but she’s only willing to offer vague “support” and rhetoric to Georgia with vague notions of some kind of unspecified economic sanctions against Russia. Memo to super-bantamweight Sarah (SBS) :“Being called up on to help” and going to war are two different things.

GIBSON: We talk on the anniversary of 9/11. Why do you think those hijackers attacked? Why did they want to hurt us?

PALIN: You know, there is a very small percentage of Islamic believers who are extreme and they are violent and they do not believe in American ideals, and they attacked us and now we are at a point here seven years later, on the anniversary, in this post-9/11 world, where we're able to commit to never again. They see that the only option for them is to become a suicide bomber, to get caught up in this evil, in this terror. They need to be provided the hope that all Americans have instilled in us, because we're a democratic, we are a free, and we are a free-thinking society. END QUOTE

Keep hope alive! Even for suicide bombers? What is this crap about people having no hope and no options becoming suicide bombers? Most of the 9/11 hijackers were highly educated (delusional and evil, yes, but uneducated and hopeless? Not so much) and from middle class families. It wasn’t like they lost their jobs one day and then went off the rails. Pulllleeeezzzze!

Gibson then asked super-bantamweight Sarah (SBS) about the Bush Doctrine and she had no clue what he was talking about. The segment closed with SBS dodging Gibson’s question about whether she’d support staging attacks on militants in Pakistan without the approval of the Pakistani government. It was not a pretty performance for America’s favorite pit bull/hockey mom.

Why am I picking on SBS? I don’t care about the fact that her daughter got knocked up, or her trooper- gate scandal, or that she tried to fire the town librarian for objecting to her plan to ban books, and I’m not even that troubled by the fact that she’s only been a governor for a couple of years. Let's also leave aside the fact that she named her children Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper and what that says about her judgement. Obama doesn’t have a wealth of foreign policy experience either- but at least the man sounds intelligent when asked a question- whereas Palin is barely coherent. I’ve overheard more intelligent banter in the urinals of sports bars for God’s sakes. This is a woman that attended five colleges (two of them community colleges, and two others were in Hawaii) before managing to graduate with a degree in sports journalism. She did win “miss congeniality” in a beauty pageant years ago, and last night that was essentially what she sounded like: a beauty pageant contestant that was trying hard to sound intelligent but was completely out of her depths. But will Americans say “she’s a dumb-ass, I’m voting Obama”, or will they say, “she’s a dumb-ass just like me, I think I’ll vote for her!”

http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/Vote2008/story?id=5782924&page=1

Michael Phelps Takes a Crap

We get it already- Michael Phelps can swim. NBC, which paid 14 trillion dollars- or approximately the cost of waging the war in Iraq for one weekend- or, put another way- the dollar value of Dick Cheney's Halliburton shares- is, once again, trying to make the Olympics a soap opera- all about personalities rather than athletics. Not to take anything away from Phelps' achievement, but I keep reading that he's the greatest olympic athlete ever. Hmmmm. Why? Because he has the most gold medals? Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but swimming has a motherload of events- many of them pretty damn similar (someone who is good at swimming 2 laps of a given stroke is pretty darn likely to also be good at swimming 4 or 8 laps of that stroke as well, no?) It really isn't fair to compare swimmers with athlete's that compete in sports that only have a few medal opportunities. Like what about those 4 foot tall midgets who can lift 1,000 pounds? Or how about those Cuban or Venezuelan women's volleyball players that wear those daisy duke like gym shorts?

While we are on the topic of the Olympics, why on earth is NBC spending so much time showing us beach volleyball? Does anyone actually give a damn about beach volleyball? Or are they thinking that people just want to watch women in bikinis? I have seen enough of the following sports to last me a lifetime: rowing, beach volleyball, water polo, badmitton, softball, and cycling. How about a little tennis, NBC? Anyways, what I find far more interesting is Beijing's pollution. Just show me a smog cam and people straining to breath and I'm riveted. Then mix in some interviews with Chinese officials claiming that the air is fine, and I'm happy.

Companion to Paul Theroux's Ghost Train to the Eastern Star Part 1

In the first year of the new millenium I ditched what passed for a job at the Chicago Tribune to take a (mostly) overland trip from Cairo to Shanghai. I wrote what should have been a runaway bestseller about this challenging journey called, Resumegapping- Cairo to Shanghai the hard way. But instead of gracing the bookshelves of your neighborhood Borders, this "book" languished in a dusty binder- a forlorn collection of e-mails that few people ever read. Last week, Paul Theroux released another stellar travel narrative- Ghost Train to the Eastern Star, in which he travels to many of the same places he visited on his Great Railways Bazaar trip in 1973. Theroux travels to some of the same off the map places that I visited, and for those who plan to read his book- and you should- check out what happened to me in some of the same locales. This segment below is about a memorable trip from Turkey into Georgia- the only border in the world where you travel east from Asia into Europe. Enjoy:

Blood Feuds


After three days of heavy rain in Trabzon, I set off for the Georgian border on yet another miserable morning, feeling as though I were sneaking out of town as I walked down the wet empty streets of Trabzon. Small to mid-size otogars (bus stations) in Turkey are highly perplexing places and Trabzon’s was a mess. There was no posted departure board so one must canvass the scores of competing bus company counters to determine which company has buses to your destination, when they leave and what they cost. I looked out onto a big L-shaped row of counters, there must have been 20 different bus companies- where to start? I randomly approached a counter for a company called “Metro”, where 3 men were chatting: two of them behind the counter and one leaning across it’s front. My look of bewilderment must have betrayed me.
“Where you go?” asked the fat, balding man whose belly lazily slumped across the counter.
“Batumi- Georgia” I said to looks of eyebrow crinkling confusion.
I pulled out my map to show them where I wanted to go, yet none of them seemed to understand until I said the name of the border town of Sarp.
The fat man wrote down 5.9 million on a scrap of paper. It was unclear to me if he was qualified to sell me a ticket, but I set my concerns aside since especially since he claimed the bus was leaving in 15 minutes at 9am. 5.9 million seemed like far too high a price ($10) but I had 5 million Turkish Lira left so I was prepared to unload it. I wrote down my offer, and the fat, gap toothed vulture shook his head smiling at me.
“Fixed price” he said. I wondered how people who speak little English somehow always manage to learn phrases like that. I showed gap tooth my wad of crumpled bank notes and he relented, smiling and shaking my hand to seal the transaction. He led me out to the parking lot and pointed for me to board an empty parked bus.
“Where is my ticket?” I asked incredulously. He waved his fat fingers, palm down in a fanning motion, indicating for me to relax or wait I suppose. In any event, he scurried off back into the station as I lingered in the rain.

I grudgingly headed off to what looked to be a new bus, but I smelled a rat. The side of the bus did not bear the “Metro” logo of the counter I’d just been at, it said “Ulusoy”- how could he sell me a ticket for another company? I looked at the sign on the bus window, it said, “Hopa”, not Sarp. Where the fuck was Hopa?? I yanked out my map in the rain and struggled angrily with it, before discovering that Hopa was on the Turkish side of the border- would I have to walk from there to Sarp? It all suddenly fit together, I had solved the puzzle-I was being had. But was it too late? I ran back into the otogar, my backpack ungracefully slapping against my ass to find gap tooth. I looked for him near the Metro booth but his pals would not clue me into his whereabouts, I ran around the corner and our eyes met. He looked alarmed that I was not compliantly sitting on the bus, waiting for my doctored, inflated black market ticket. He was heading towards the Ulusoy counter- that bastard! He was just going to go buy a ticket there and then give it to me! I dashed towards the booth trying to beat him there-I wanted to know the real price of the ticket to Sarp, or Hopa or wherever the fuck they were sending me. Gap tooth grabbed my arm as we collided perhaps 5 feet in front of the Ulusoy counter, he flashed a ticket at me and grabbed my arm trying to pull me in the direction of the bus. “Get off me!” I yelled angrily yanking my arm out of his grip and turning to face the uniformed Ulusoy folks.
“How much is a ticket to Sarp or Hopa?” I demanded to know as gap tooth howled his protests at them, no doubt imploring them not to tell me. A nervous young girl wrote down 2.5 million. “Bastard!” I yelled, staring at gap tooth, who had been caught red handed, right in the eyes. He came over and thrust 2.5 million into my hands and the ticket. “No fucking way” I said, demanding and getting all 5 million before thrusting his ticket back at him. I wanted him to be stuck with it, but sincerely hoped he wouldn’t use it himself. Gap tooth disappeared as I bought a legit ticket, feeling angry and shaken by the experience.

I bought some rock hard bread and cokes with my spare cash and headed out towards the bus. Just before getting on though, I decided that I wanted to teach gap tooth a lesson. I had seen a police office in the station- how could they allow gap tooth to get away with swindling foreigners? I stormed back into the station, approaching a uniformed policeman. My useless list of Turkish phrases did me no good, so I merely motioned for him to come with me, which he did. We walked over to gap tooth, who was by then reminiscing with his friends at the Metro booth. I pointed at him, fingering him as though I were staring down a police line-up. Yep that’s him- lock him up boys. I showed the cop my ticket, and wrote down 2.5 million, pointing at the Ulusoy booth, then I wrote down 5 million pointing at gap tooth, who was now already defending himself in Turkish. A small group of curious Turks formed a circle around us now, as gap tooth loudly defended himself, attracting more attention with his lusty voice. It was now 8.56, 4 minutes till blastoff. I knew that I was being slandered and I wanted to defend myself, yet I had no linguistic means to do so. After gap tooth finished his speech, the crowd and the cop looked at me, as if to say, “So what do you have to say to that?”
In desperation, I began to shout, “Thief” “Criminal” “Bastard” “Crook” “Animal”- pointing at Gap tooth, who in turn began laughing and taunting me. He seemed to be saying to the crowd, which had grown to at least 20, “This stupid American thinks there is something wrong with fleecing tourists! Ha!” His sinister looking crooked smile, his disgusting hairy chest and uni -brow gave him the look of a real parasite. He jabbed one of his fat fingers too close to my face while making some point and I pushed him forcefully away from me. He pushed back and a wave of adrenalin rushed over me, I wanted to end his miserable life, in front of the whole crowd. Alas, though the cop stepped in and shrugged at my protests as if to say, “I’m washing my hands clean of this situation”. Meanwhile gap tooth began taunting me again, and the crowd began laughing- was he mimicking me? I had hoped to, at the very least cause him some embarrassment, to let people know I was on to him. Yet as I was led out to the parking lot by the cop, I realized that Turks probably find nothing wrong with the parasitic behavior of people like Gap. I was out of my element. The cop and I walked past the Ulusoy booth and I addressed the young girl, who seemed to understand some English. “Why do you allow this guy to hawk tickets for your buses- he’s obviously not going anywhere?” But she only shrugged sympathetically. Another clash of civilizations under my belt, I grudgingly boarded the bus feeling bloodied but unbowed.

¨¨¨¨¨¨


Technically, we were driving eastward from Asia into Europe along a muddy path paralleling the Black Sea. The closer we came to the Georgian border, the worse the road became. The distance between Trabzon and Sarp, which looked so utterly insignificant on the map, would take an arduous five hours. We arrived at the dire looking village of Hopa as the rain seemed to intensify. Luckily, there was a mini bus about to leave across the border. Unluckily, it was packed to the hilt with Georgians who looked considerably more 19th century in dress and manner than the Turks. The mini bus slogged its way across a mud track, a sort of no man’s land that neither country had bothered to pave.

A few minutes into our journey we were recklessly cut off by an expensive white sports car that looked highly incongruous on this inauspicious mud path. Our driver, a scruffy, thin, middle-aged man, became enraged, blaring his horn and waving frantically for the offender to pull over. Shockingly, the sports car did just that, pulling over perhaps 30 yards in front of us. There was a buzz of chatter in our van as our driver stopped the car and got out. It was literally poring rain, what the hell was he thinking? There were about a dozen of us on the bus; all watching our driver approach the vehicle with rapt attention. We could see that an animated conversation was taking place. The sports car had put all of us in danger by recklessly passing us on such a narrow shithole of a road, but what was this proving? The concept of revenge and blood feuds has a long history in the Caucasus. Essad Bey in his 1930 tome, Twelve Secrets of the Caucasus, attempted to explain to European readers blood feud etiquette….

“Almost every tenth Caucasian is involved in some affair that has to do with a
blood feud..one should never introduce two Caucasians before finding out
in what feuds they are involved. Killing in self defense, manslaughter and
accidental homicide are not recognized by the justice of the mountains..
Vengeance is taken in the following way: Immediately after the murder,
the injured family arms for the campaign, and the house of the enemy family
is besieged. During the siege the besiegers support themselves at the
expense of the enemy, until the intermediaries are successful in concluding a
treaty according to which the murderers are permitted to move freely about their
own house and courtyard upon payment of certain damages. At this the beleaguerers withdraw, and only the close relatives of the murderer are watched. The moment the
later leaves the house, the hunt begins.”

Essad Bey goes on to note that, “blood vengeance follows not only upon murder, but also upon any other form of loss. For example a substantial theft is a ground for it, as is a love affair with a girl by which her moral value is diminished. Intercourse with animals- an abuse which is very widely practiced in the mountains- also demands blood vengeance. The animal in question is considered polluted, and the miscreant must pay the owner the whole price of the animal if he wants to escape blood vengeance.” Bey concludes that, “the law of the blood feud renders any peaceful government of the mountains an impossibility. No policeman dares arrest anybody, no judge dares punish anybody, because they would instantly be declared blood enemies of the damaged family.”

All hell broke loose, as a man who could only be described as a giant emerged from the passenger side of the sports car and came around to confront our man. The giant had at least a foot on our driver. Sensing our driver was in danger, and that the very pride of our vehicle was at stake, 6 or 7 men jumped out of the van and ran off down the mud track towards the parked sports car. I felt a tinge of guilt for not jumping out with them, I was the lone male left in a van of women and children. I didn’t want to run out in the rain, but I didn’t want to lose face either. I rationalized that by sticking around I was looking after the women and children. The potentially volatile situation seemed to have been defused, as the giant was apparently not enthusiastic about taking on 7 or 8 men at once. The driver of the sports car never did emerge from his perch. Our men returned to the van muddy and wet, smiling triumphantly; we had seemingly won the standoff, or at least taught them a lesson of some kind. Welcome to the Caucasus.

Almost the entire minibus got out at a dire looking village just before the border- only two of us were actually crossing the border: myself and a Turkish student named Aydin, who was heading to Batumi. Although he spoke little English, he seemed to have been through this border many times and would clearly be my patron. I followed him to the first hut, where we stood in the rain, waiting to pay a “3 dollar computer fee” as Aydin called it. Thankfully, we were then sent indoors, into a garage of sorts that resembled an abandoned car wash, to be questioned by an officious looking woman in full dress grays and a cute pointy hat. She spoke fluent English.
“American, my god, well what are you doing here?” she asked smiling almost flirtatiously as she scrutinized my thick blue passport of privilege.
“Just traveling” I said trying to be both vague and non-threatening.
“What do you do?” she persisted in a friendly way, as though we were chatting in a pub, instead of some obscure border crossing in a small ex-Soviet republic.
“I’m a student” I lied hoping to avoid any follow-ups.
“Welcome to Georgia, Welcome, we are lucky to have you here!” she said smiling more broadly now. “Why did you come here?”
“I’ve heard a lot about Georgia, good things about the people, the land, the culture- I wanted to see for myself.”
“Do you want to change money?” she asked in a pretty radical segue. I agreed to change some money with her, although I felt it odd to be conducting such a transaction with a border officer, but by now I surmised that we were becoming friends.
“I’ll give you a good rate- 2 lari to the dollar, better than out there- go look if you don’t believe me.”
“No, no of course not- I believe you” I reassured her as I yanked out a damp wad of American bills. She noticed that I had a few of my trusty two dollar bills.
“You have a two dollar bill?” she inquired snatching it from my hand and setting it on her desk. “THIS” she said holding up the Jeffersonian bill, “is a present for me, OK?” She smiled demurely at me, attempting to be coquettish despite her age, which must have been around 40.
I agreed that yes, the deuce would be for her, and we completed our transaction. As I hoisted my backpack on she said, “You know I’d like to go to America, maybe I’ll see you there some day” smiling broadly at me beneath her funny hat.
“I hope so, that would be nice” I said, wondering if she was fishing for my phone number, which I decided not to relinquish.

Aydin gave me a wry smile as I left the garage; he had been waiting for me and had understood the flirtation and the “present” despite the language barrier. I was like some minor celebrity, perhaps a local newscaster or some other such pseudo celebrity who had not earned their fame. She had not been interested in having any conversation with Aydin. Perhaps the opportunity to chat with a young American in this little traveled post was as close as my interlocutor would get to America. I thought mistakenly that we were free to leave, but alas, we were soon being given the once over at one final shed, which had four soldiers in it. None of them spoke a word of English. A heated argument ensued between Aydin and the soldiers. I assumed that they must have been giving him a hard time for some reason; I shamelessly wondered if his problem was going to hold me up, should I ditch him? Aydin slammed his bad down on the ground and sat on the cement, totally disgusted. We were at a momentary standstill that I did not understand. Rain pored down upon us. The soldiers had our passports. Life was beginning to suck. Royally. I was just about to go summons my new girlfriend but Aydin motioned for me to stay with him. Moments later,
the soldiers seemed to have a change of heart and we were off.
Since we were both heading to Batumi we split the only cab in sight. I felt a bit apprehensive, not knowing or understanding what motives Aydin might possibly have. Yet in the rain at this remote border, there seemed no other option. We hopped into an old white Lada with a cracked windshield. Aydin wrote on a piece of paper that we would each pay 2.5 laris, or a buck and a quarter each to get to Batumi, which was half and hour away. Batumi looked frightening in the rain, there was garbage and muck everywhere, the homes looked to all be in a state of disrepair, like an old disused horror movie set. We arrived at Aydin’s apartment building, which was a tall, ugly Soviet looking gulag.
Another big and incomprehensible (to me) argument ensued between the driver and Aydin. Aydin signaled for me to come with him and I did as I was told.
“You come, my home” was all he said. What the hell was going on? Why was I going to his house- to be beaten and robbed? I decided to put my fate in his hands and go with the flow.

Aydin introduced me to his roommates, three other Turks studying in Batumi- one of whom spoke fluent English. Their apartment was neat and well furnished, especially given the bleak exterior of the building. I was given a pair of slippers to wear and a hot cup of Turkish coffee. Aydin was understandably relieved to finally have a translator. Abdullah, who made extra cash by teaching English, attempted to explain the events of the last hour to me.
“Aydin says that at the border they were demanding you give them ten dollars, the soldiers told him that Americans are rich so they must pay a special tax- he told them you would not pay, that’s why he got so upset.”
So I was the cause of the delay! I immediately felt guilty for considering ditching him at the border-he had saved me ten bucks.
“What about in the taxi- what was that argument about?” I asked curious to know
if I was being subjected to another foreigner “tax”.
“He says that once the driver found out you were American, he insisted that you pay more, so Aydin wanted you to get out with him, because he knew you would be in trouble.”
I thanked Aydin profusely and he seemed genuinely bashful at the accolades he was receiving. Abdullah turned to me and said, “You two have been through much together, you are brothers now.”

I passed around some pictures I had of my girlfriend Jen, my family and also of Chicago and Egypt. The guys passed them around as they sat on the couch looking at them in wonderment. I could almost anticipate the next question, which came from Cendel, the youngest member of the group at 19.
“Where do you find money to travel like this?” he asked.
I had told them I was a student and that I’d saved up for three years for my trip. I tried to impress upon them that I was traveling on a tight budget but I don’t think they could comprehend what I was up to. The idea of traveling around the world was as foreign to them as baseball and apple pie. I told the guys that I was planning on taking the next train to Tbilisi and was told that Cendel would go to the station to get my ticket. It was still poring rain outside, so the very idea of having my ticket delivered to me appealed to me tremendously but I could not allow it. My American suspicion told me that these guys were up to something- would they take a commission? Could it be possible that they were just incredibly kind? I didn’t’ know, but insisted on going with them to the station.
Abdullah and Aydin did not want me to be put out, “Cendel will get the ticket, and we will stay here and watch Braveheart on video!”
The idea of sitting in their cozy apartment and watching Braveheart on a rainy day sounded wonderful but I insisted that we all go the station- what better thing to do then all band together to take an American to the train station in a downpour?

As Cendel, Aydin and I headed to the door I suddenly panicked realizing that I’d taken the lock off my bag to show them my photos. My backpack was sitting, half opened right next to their front door, with over $300 in cash and my camera in it. Abullah and their third roommate, whose name was beyond my comprehension, weren’t coming to the station- would they help themselves to my things? I faced a split second decision: if I bent down and locked my bag up, they would have clearly seen that I didn’t trust them and thus wasn’t an option I decided. I decided to throw the ball in their court,
“Should I bring my bag?” I asked, hoping against hope they’d say yes.
But Cendel said it wasn’t necessary since the train didn’t leave until 10pm. I decided to trust them and headed out with them into the miserable afternoon.

We took two different shared minibuses across town to get to the station, passing along cratered streets that had not been repaired in decades. Aydin insisted on paying for both rides, to my great embarrassment. With the help of Cendel’s translation, they helped me buy a $7.50 first class sleeper ticket to Tbilisi, even going to the trouble of taking me on the train to show me the difference between 1st and second class. The difference in price was modest, but I did not want to reinforce their image of me as a free spending rich American so I asked Aydin which class he would travel in if he were going to Tbilisi. Thankfully, he said if it were up to him, he’d ride first class, which made me feel completely justified in the “splurge”. The first class cabins did look relatively plush given the dinginess of the surroundings.
Cendel, who had a dark complexion and hailed from Izmir, opined that I’d be” riding with Shevernadze (the president of Georgia) on this train”.
Shevernadze they told me, was in fact running for re-election on that very day.

Ticket safely in hand we repaired to aTurkish restaurant near the center of town. The boys were clearly regulars, as they kissed members of the staff upon arrival. Cendel began to tell me their stories over delicious plates of marinated meat and steamed rice. They all came from different parts of Turkey and none of them had wanted to study in Batumi.
“None of us was accepted to the University’s we wanted to go to, so we were forced to come here” he said bluntly.
Cendel had been studying English Language and literature and Aydin engineering.
We chatted on amiably as the rain continued to pour down, and once again they insisted on paying the bill. They made a point of saying that I was their guest and that I’d do the same for them if they were in America. The sad fact was that a) they’d probably never get a visa to enter America and b) if they did, it would be unlikely they’d see this kind of hospitality. In America people are suspicious of outsiders, our curiosities dulled by fear and uncertainty. I became depressed thinking about the Darwinian aspects of our country but I did not disappoint them by cluing them into my opinions.

Back at their apartment, I found an excuse to look in my backpack and was happy to find all of my money and things still there. Their hospitality had been sincere kindness. We spent a few hours looking at photos and chatting- until it was time for me to leave. They insisted on seeing me off, literally escorting me right into my “Shevarnadze compartment”. I felt so touched as they each kissed my cheeks and told me how happy they were to have met me. I would be leaving behind family in Batumi, despite the fact that I’d been there for less than 24 hours.

¨¨¨¨¨



I shared my “Shevardnadze” compartment with Ruslan, a 20 year old Georgian who was on his way back to the capitol. I asked him where he learned to speak such good English.
“I was an exchange student in a small town outside of Winston Salem, North Carolina my senior year of high school” he said speaking in a quiet, measured tone. I cringed to hear what he thought of life in a small town in the south, but couldn’t resist asking.
“It was hard to fit in, I wanted to go home most of the year- my house was far from town and I had no car so it was difficult. By the end of the year I was making more friends, but by then it was time to come back.”
“What kind of things did high school kids do for fun where you lived?” I asked.
“They’d go into the woods to drink, shoot their guns and have sex” he said, kind of embarrassed to break this news to me. “The only thing people were interested to know about my country was that we had no drinking age- they liked that.”
“Did you vote in the election today?” I asked hoping to change the topic.
“Yeah, I voted for Shevardnadze- there is no one else, besides the West likes him for some reason, so we think maybe he can keep the aid flowing in.”
“But there seems to be some opposition to him, wasn’t he almost assassinated recently?” I asked.
“Twice in fact, but they didn’t get him and no one was arrested.”
“Who’s they?” I asked.
“Mafia probably, you see this is a hard time for us, we have lost Abkhazia, S. Ossetia and now also Ajaria, where I am originally from, is seeking more autonomy.”
“Why are there so many regions breaking away?” I asked.
“Well, Ossetians and Abkhazians are not Georgians, they have their own languages and cultures, but they’ve just historically been incorporated onto our land. I’m Ajarian, we are Georgians, we share the Georgian language. My grandmother is Abkhazian, she doesn’t even speak Georgian, you see.”
“How did Georgia lose Abkhazia?” I asked.
“There was a small band of Abkhazian soldiers who wanted independence, but Russia gave them money and weapons…they wanted to weaken us you see, so eventually we gave up- we couldn’t take on the Russians.”
“No one even knows about Abkhazia being a sovereign country, do you think anyone is going to recognize them as independent?” I asked.
“No- I think we are going to get it back eventually, it’s a very rich land, it has a great coastline- people used to vacation in Abkhazia- Shevarnadze is pledging to win it back, but I think this is only an election promise.”

I found Ruslan’s political savvy to be remarkable for a twenty year old, his colleagues in North Carolina would probably be hard pressed to name their own Senators.
“Do you think your clan, the Ajarians will eventually want independence?” I asked.
“No, just some kind of special status- it’s a ploy to get more money from Tbilisi, really.”
Our conversation turned to Tbilisi, I was curious what the impact of foreign investment was on the capitol.
“Lately, there seem to be a lot of foreigners in Tbilisi, but I’m not sure if they are good investors, or just mafia.. but yeah there are Western companies coming in, Westerners think Georgia is cheap, so they run around buying drinks and screwing all the best girls” Ruslan shook his head and laughed a bitter chuckle, I could tell he was rankled.
“You were young during the communist period, but have you seen much benefit from the end of communism?” I asked.
“Not really, in communist times we had jobs and health care and a lot of money, but there was nothing in the stores, nothing to buy. Now we have everything to buy but no money. Local companies cannot compete with Western ones- you’ll see there are Marlboro billboards all over Tbilisi- people have been brainwashed that Western goods are the best and local things are shit, local companies have no chance against all the advertising these Western companies are doing. Everyone thinks they must have snickers now for example, but we have our own chocolate that’s better!”
I tried to tell him that I believed that the hunger for Western goods was more a temporary phase, a reaction to newfound freedom that might subside in another ten years once people learn to invest and spend to support local industries. Ruslan wasn’t buying it though.
“You have to understand something, we have many foreign aid people here already who are supposed to be helping us improve our economy, your USAID is here, but they are doing nothing for Georgian people! They are spending 60K per month living at the Sheraton, but they aren’t helping people. You see, Georgia is important to America, they want to run an oil pipeline here, Caspian oil from Azerbaijan.”

As we continued to speak into the night old ladies and young boys came through the corridors selling “limonota” and other beverages from tattered woolen sacks. Just as we finished the two tall beers Ruslan had bought us, a man from the next compartment came in with two more- toasting us for no apparent reason.
“What was that, do you know him? Why did he just buy us beers?” I asked perplexed but pleased.
“It’s Georgia” Ruslan said with a shrug.
“Sometimes people start buying each other drinks in a bar, because if some people receive two drinks- they send back four- and so on. So if you don’t have much money, you might buy drinks and hope you get more in return.”
“So we need to buy him 4 beers now?” I asked naively.
“Technically yes, but its late now so don’t worry.”

Ruslan and I talked late into the night, he on his bunk and me on mine, laughing and kidding as though we were at a sleep over. Each time there would be a period of silence I wondered if he was asleep, but then conversation would start up again, as if we were testing each other to see who’d fall asleep first.
Oddly, I feel less disoriented waking up on a train than I do in my own bed at home. Perhaps the motion gives me pleasant dreams or maybe it’s only waking up in the same damn place every day that unsettles and disturbs me. As we alighted onto the dark platform, I looked at my watch: it had taken 11 and a half hours to travel 300 miles, at this rate I’d never make it to Shanghai to meet Jen.