Felix Pie's Twisted Testicle

Today's Chicago Tribune features an article with the headline, "New Twist in Center Field- Pie has minor Surgery," which informs us that Pie is suffering from a "twisted testicle". Apparently, Pie (pronounced Pee-ay) had surgery which involved, "sewing the outer layer of the testicle to the scrotum wall," to correct the problem. The Trib reports that Pie is likely to miss 3-5 days- presumably so he can rest his testicles. Now I know that Cubs fans have a right to know if one of their players is injured- but honestly- do we really need this level of detail? Personally, I want to read about Pie scaling Wrigley's ivy-adorned walls to catch fly balls, I don't want to read about his scrotum walls.

Why don't the Cubs tell us that Pie has the flu? Do I really need to know about Pie's twisted testicles and his scrotum wall? Honestly, folks, here is a team that consistently has lied to its fan base about critical injuries to its franchise pitching stars- namely Wood and Prior-yet, now, when it comes to a twisted testicle, they want to disclose all the gory details for us? As a Cubs fan, I have enough to worry about what with the weight of 100 years of losing on our collective shoulders, I really cannot concern myself with a minor testicle injury that is only going to cost the guy less than a week.

Note: The Trib might have come to its senses, because this article does not currently appear on the Trib website, despite the fact that it is on page 3 of today's sports section.