Screw the Giants AND the Patriots

For the first time I can remember I do not plan to watch the Super Bowl. This year's matchup confirms my earlier suspicions that there is no justice in the world, and that particularly loathsome sports teams continue to thrive in this increasingly cruel planet. According to stubhub.com, the average Super Bowl ticket is going for $4,387 PER TICKET. I thought we were in a global recession? Who the hell are these people willing to pay 3-4 times the per capita GDP of developing countries to watch these two miserable franchises go toe to toe?

And why on earth should New England sports fans be treated to another Super Bowl win? Isn't God ready to let the Bills win one yet? Or if it can't be the Bills, how about some other team that: hasn't won before, has hardcore fans, and plays outdoors, preferably in cold weather outside the Sun-Belt.

What about the Giants? If you've ever been exposed to their obnoxious fans-many of whom are also Yankees fans- you wouldn't even ask the question. I will never forget having to barracade myself in my dorm room after Norwood missed the kick in the 1990 Super Bowl, for fear that the jubilant mob of Giants fans that were trying to break my door down would have lynched me, the only Bufalo Bills fan in my dorm, just for fun. No, the Giants fans don't deserve another triumph either. We already have the Yankees/Red Sox strangelhold on the American League- and now these two cities have the Super Bowl too? Its just too much.

Budweiser has reportedly spent just over $24 million dollars on nine ads to air during the Super Bowl, and pathetic people who thrive on "your mother" jokes are already lighting up the internet with speculation on what Bud will do with their commercials this year. Who gives a damn? If Bud used 1% of its yearly advertising budget on better hops and barley, they'd brew the best beer in the world. Bud probably doesn't give a damn that I don't plan to watch- since I don't drink their beer anyways- but I don't think I'm going to feel bad about missing the obligatory salutes to our troops in Iraq and the accompanying feel-good patriotism, the decrepit old washed up "stars" that will be trotted out at half-time- which this year will include Kylie Minogue and Paul Abdul- and what will inevitably be a shitty game.