Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Do you Speak Fluent Hungarian, Macedonian, Dutch, Slovene, Bosnian and Spanish?
Looking for a job is frustrating, but also, at times, hillarious. Take for example, this advertisement (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wl/jobs/JS_JobSearchDetail?jobid=27889751&jobSummaryIndex=0&agentID=&xfeed=1&tid=244&wpmk=MK0000004&GCID=C17812x033-Other&keyword=no_keyword) for an analyst position at Georgetown University's Imaging Science and Information Center. Did you notice this kicker of a sentence: "Excellent writing skills in Hungarian, Dutch, Macedonian, Bosnian, Slovenian, Spanish, and excellent communication skills, and self-motivation are required." OK, I think I have the communication skills and self-motivation part covered- and i feel fairly confident that anyone that speaks all of those languages is fairly self-motivated and has communication skills- but is there any human being on earth that can speak all of these disparate languages? There are definitely Macedonians who can also speak Bosnian and Slovene, and vice versa- but can those people also speak Dutch, Hungarian and Spanish? And are they looking for a low paying job at Georgetown University?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Warm Tropical Breezes Inside a Mexican Taxi Cab
This is a story about air-conditioning, or, more broadly, an episode from one day of our recent trip to Mexico that highlights some of the cultural differences that exist between our two nations. It all started with a Martin Lawrence movie. A really bad one (are there any other kind?). My wife, Jen, my 17-month-old son, Leo, and I were on a Primera Plus “first class” bus that had originated in Guanajuato and was heading to San Miguel de Allende. “First Class” in this context meant semi-functional air conditioning, no livestock visible in the cabin, brightly upholstered seats largely free of vomit stains, a free boxed lunch complete with a Frankenstein like mystery meat sandwich on months old knock-off wonder bread, and “entertainment.” By “entertainment” I mean six TV screens placed strategically around the bus so that anyone attempting to read, sleep, think, converse, or simply hide from the onslaught of programming would surely give up in frustration.
The ear-splitting volume of the film on offer was the first thing I noticed when we boarded the bus. The movie- it may have been “Rebound” but I can’t be sure- was already in progress, and yet, despite all the noise, most of the handful of passengers seemed to be either sleeping or trying to sleep. Most American movies are dubbed into Spanish for the Mexican market, and this one was no different. Jen and I were hoping that Leo would be able to nap on the 75 minute ride to San Miguel- we were planning just a day trip and hoped a nap would be just the thing to get him through the experience. I saw our bus driver chatting away with another driver amicably outside- despite the fact that it was already ten minutes past our scheduled departure time- and asked him in broken Spanish if we could lower the volume of the film. He did not say “si” or “no”, he simply looked at me dismissively.
I can’t be sure that the driver actually increased the volume of the film, once he finally deigned to board and commence our trip, but it sure seemed that way as I slumped down in my seat and tried to hide from Martin Lawrence and company. Unable to read, sleep, or hear much of what my wife was saying, I succumbed and watched a bit of the film. My Spanish is quite basic, but I got the gist- Martin was the coach of some kind of youth sports team that, despite low expectations, had overcome obstacles and led his team to an improbable victory over a better opponent. When the closing credits came on, I nearly cried tears of joy- not because I was so happy for Martin’s team, but because I thought that there wouldn’t be enough time left in the journey for the driver to inflict another film on us.
We enjoyed perhaps 60 seconds of blissful silence- by this time my son had fallen asleep but I was too agitated to do anything more than squirm in my seat- before our reverie came to a crashing halt as the sadistic driver treated us to Mexican cartoons at a volume that even the hard of hearing would object to. I appealed to a Mexican businessman who was sitting across from us. “Yes, its too loud,” he conceded, “but the driver is in control- there is nothing we can do!” I had been hoping he’d take the issue up with the driver, but his fatalistic approach to the problem reminded me of the difference between the American approach to nuisances and the approach you encounter in many other countries around the world, Mexico included. Americans think that they can at least endeavor to resolve any problem- be it a minor discomfort or a major irritant, but in many other parts of the world, the attitude is something akin to- let’s just grin and bear it, life is tough and we have no expectation of comfort.
I’ve always disliked bus travel, as I find it confining and rarely comfortable- but being forced to listen to loud Spanish language cartoons elevated my distaste for bus travel to new heights. I resolved to find a different way- any way- to return to Guanajuato later that afternoon.
Our knight in shining armor arrived in the form of a gleaming new VW taxi that took us from the bus station into the center of San Miguel de Allende. By this point in our Mexican adventure, we had traveled in at least a dozen Mexican taxi’s in Puerto Vallarta, Guadalajara and Guanajuato, and had only been in a cab with A/C on one occasion. Nearly all the cabs we’d been in were the Mexican equivalent of a mid to late 80’s Nissan Sentra, but this was something akin to a brand new VW Jetta. The English-speaking driver (another first), one Senor Gonzalez had his own business card and boasted that he could take us back to Guanajuato- in complete silence- for only about $10 more than the bus tickets would cost us.
San Miguel de Allende has been accused of being essentially an Epcot-center-like pavilion of Mexican culture, long on color and charm but short on authenticity. The very fact that we’d been picked up by an English speaking, air-con using driver in a new car seemed a testament to this notion, but we weren’t complaining. There are so many elderly American snowbirds in San Miguel, that it does rather have the vibe of an American retirement community, albeit one with substantially more Mexican restaurants, souvenir stands and aggressive beggars. It is still a very pleasant place- with interesting churches, good food, and colonial-era architecture.
Leo had seen enough of San Miguel after a few hours, so we asked the waiter at Ten Ten Pie, a nice little taco place near the cathedral, to call Senor Gonzalez to come pick us up in his dream machine. Twenty minutes later a dilapidated old Nissan Sentra came sputtering up to the restaurant. Much to my dismay, he was looking for us. Senor Gonzalez was sick, he claimed. I pointed to the air vents in the car and asked if he had A/C. It was about 90 degrees and the oppressive sun had worn all three of us down. The driver assured us that he had A/C and turned it on full blast to demonstrate. Nothing but an avalanche of very hot air came out. Just wait, it takes time he said.
Five minutes into our trip, we were still broiling. It was clear that our new ride had no A/C. Suddenly the whole notion of paying more to take a taxi back to Guanajuato didn’t seem so ingenious any more. For all of Primera Plus’s faults- and there were many- they did at least have A/C. I tried to calculate what was preferable- a silent, yet sweltering ride in a battered old cab, or a cooler, noiser ride on a bus.
“Call Senor Gonzalez and ask him if you can use his car to drive us,” I asked.
The driver called someone, but claimed this was impossible. Irritated at this obvious bait and switch scam, and with beads of sweat poring down my back, I instructed our driver to take us to the San Miguel bus station. He very grudgingly complied, but when we pulled up, the place seemed deserted, so I instructed Jen and Leo to wait in the car while I jumped out, and determined that the next bus for Guanajuato left in nearly two hours on the dreaded Primera Plus line. So the option was continue on with an angry driver in his sweltering hot car in the middle of the afternoon in the scorching sun, or sit with a crabby, tired 17 month old child in an un-air-conditioned bus station for nearly two hours only to wait for a bus that would no doubt feature blaring, bad American movies dubbed into Spanish, and perhaps Mexican cartoons as well.
It was a no brainer- so I sheepishly told the drive to take us on to Guanajuato. He’d had it with us by that point, but wasn’t about to kick us out of his cab either. As soon as we got outside of town and our driver was able to put the peddle to the metal, I immediately began to question my decision to entrust this man with our lives. A confluence of factors seemed to be working against us- our driver was clearly insane to begin with, he was trying to make up time lost on the bus station detour, and he was obviously angry with us and worn down from my complaints about the lack of A/C and the bait and switch auto scheme.
As unpleasant as the trip to San Miguel had been on Primera Plus, I had not noticed how curvy the road was. I’ve had many bad cab driver in my life- Cairo certainly stands out as one place where I remember particularly risky drivers- but our driver on this afternoon was driving with a vengeance- accelerating into hair raising curves on lonely, high elevation roads with no guard rails. I looked in the back seat and saw that Leo was sleeping on his mother’s lap (no seat belts in the back seat), his hair fluttering in the hot breeze that whipped in through the open windows. I couldn’t help but think of what an irresponsible parent I was, and how miserable it would be to die in a musty old Nissan Sentra on one of Mexico’s forlorn byways. Instead of asking him to slow down- I made a show of clutching onto the hand rests when he’d fly around a dangerous curve at top speed, and occasionally would hold my hands up in front of my chest, as if to brace myself for a trip through the windshield.
Despite how fast the driver was going, and how he’d aggressively pass two or three trucks at a time- often on blind curves and uphill portions of the road- the ride seemed to be taking forever. My t-shirt was soaked with perspiration and no matter which way we turned, I always seemed to have the sun beating right on me. We passed through a dry, mocha colored, desolate landscape- if the car broke down, we’d be stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no garages around for many miles. It looked like the kind of place where one could easily die of thirst.
Miraculously we reached what seemed to be the outskirts of Guanajuato alive, but just as I began to practically taste the comforts of our hotel room, the sounds of a police siren poisoned my brightening mood. The driver pulled to the side of the road and turned off the motor. I was literally baking in the hot sun, and braced myself for a lengthy delay. Even though I was obviously displeased by the turn of events, I felt somewhat vindicated by the police action- our man had been driving like a maniac and richly deserved to be ticketed.
My hombre stepped out of the cab and met two officers just a few feet behind the car. I could see them in the mirror and could make out some of the Spanish language conversation that ensued. The police claimed he was going 90 in a 40 zone, although I think their estimate of his speed was charitable. Our driver unleashed his entire afternoon of frustration on the cops- the word “gringos” was thrown about liberally, and each time he used it, I detected looks of empathy and knowing nods of concern from the officers. I picked up enough of the Spanish to understand the crux of his defense: he had no choice but to speed because the gringos were angry about his non-functioning air conditioning. The whole thing was our fault. After making his closing arguments, the driver jogged back to the cab, grabbed a fistful of pesos ( I couldn’t tell how much) from a secret hiding spot underneath the wheel. The cops were paid, and off we went, not two minutes after the initial stop.
The driver peeled out, squealing tires and all, and zoomed off, leaving the cops in a storm of dust. If he was angry before, now he was livid, and seemed determined to drive us over a cliff, or perhaps into a tree. Somehow we arrived in the city intact, and it was obvious that the driver had no idea how to find our hotel, so I gladly agreed to get out and walk the rest of the way-so relieved was I to be alive and out of his greenhouse like sweatshop of a car. I paid the man and he roared off without comment or thanks. He was so mad he could hardly look us in the eyes. Whatever profit he was to make from the trip, had surely been eroded by the bribe he had to pay to mollify the police. Somehow, despite the fact that our driver had been going at least twice as fast as the bus, it had actually taken us 10 minutes longer to ride in his cab than it had to take the bus. I can only guess that he took a more circuitous route to avoid tolls.
Looking back on the incident- and I began to do so as soon as we left his cab- I couldn’t help but feel compelled by the fact that our disparate cultures and upbringings caused us both to conclude that we were the aggrieved parties. We were angry because we’d negotiated a price to ride in comfort with A/C in a new car, and that wasn’t we got. In his mind, he surely thought- I ride around in this old car without A/C every day, why can’t they just deal with it for an hour or so? The sun also probably did not feel that hot to him- he was used to it, and was not sweating like I was. Because we were on vacation, we felt as though we were entitled to a relaxing, comfortable trip, but certainly his perspective was: what do these rich gringos have to complain about? They are enjoying a nice holiday while I’m stuck here driving in this shitty old cab to make a living. In some ways, we were both right, but what I can definitively conclude from the experience is that comfort is always relative, safety is a state of mind, and silence is golden. Especially when Martin Lawrence is involved.
The ear-splitting volume of the film on offer was the first thing I noticed when we boarded the bus. The movie- it may have been “Rebound” but I can’t be sure- was already in progress, and yet, despite all the noise, most of the handful of passengers seemed to be either sleeping or trying to sleep. Most American movies are dubbed into Spanish for the Mexican market, and this one was no different. Jen and I were hoping that Leo would be able to nap on the 75 minute ride to San Miguel- we were planning just a day trip and hoped a nap would be just the thing to get him through the experience. I saw our bus driver chatting away with another driver amicably outside- despite the fact that it was already ten minutes past our scheduled departure time- and asked him in broken Spanish if we could lower the volume of the film. He did not say “si” or “no”, he simply looked at me dismissively.
I can’t be sure that the driver actually increased the volume of the film, once he finally deigned to board and commence our trip, but it sure seemed that way as I slumped down in my seat and tried to hide from Martin Lawrence and company. Unable to read, sleep, or hear much of what my wife was saying, I succumbed and watched a bit of the film. My Spanish is quite basic, but I got the gist- Martin was the coach of some kind of youth sports team that, despite low expectations, had overcome obstacles and led his team to an improbable victory over a better opponent. When the closing credits came on, I nearly cried tears of joy- not because I was so happy for Martin’s team, but because I thought that there wouldn’t be enough time left in the journey for the driver to inflict another film on us.
We enjoyed perhaps 60 seconds of blissful silence- by this time my son had fallen asleep but I was too agitated to do anything more than squirm in my seat- before our reverie came to a crashing halt as the sadistic driver treated us to Mexican cartoons at a volume that even the hard of hearing would object to. I appealed to a Mexican businessman who was sitting across from us. “Yes, its too loud,” he conceded, “but the driver is in control- there is nothing we can do!” I had been hoping he’d take the issue up with the driver, but his fatalistic approach to the problem reminded me of the difference between the American approach to nuisances and the approach you encounter in many other countries around the world, Mexico included. Americans think that they can at least endeavor to resolve any problem- be it a minor discomfort or a major irritant, but in many other parts of the world, the attitude is something akin to- let’s just grin and bear it, life is tough and we have no expectation of comfort.
I’ve always disliked bus travel, as I find it confining and rarely comfortable- but being forced to listen to loud Spanish language cartoons elevated my distaste for bus travel to new heights. I resolved to find a different way- any way- to return to Guanajuato later that afternoon.
Our knight in shining armor arrived in the form of a gleaming new VW taxi that took us from the bus station into the center of San Miguel de Allende. By this point in our Mexican adventure, we had traveled in at least a dozen Mexican taxi’s in Puerto Vallarta, Guadalajara and Guanajuato, and had only been in a cab with A/C on one occasion. Nearly all the cabs we’d been in were the Mexican equivalent of a mid to late 80’s Nissan Sentra, but this was something akin to a brand new VW Jetta. The English-speaking driver (another first), one Senor Gonzalez had his own business card and boasted that he could take us back to Guanajuato- in complete silence- for only about $10 more than the bus tickets would cost us.
San Miguel de Allende has been accused of being essentially an Epcot-center-like pavilion of Mexican culture, long on color and charm but short on authenticity. The very fact that we’d been picked up by an English speaking, air-con using driver in a new car seemed a testament to this notion, but we weren’t complaining. There are so many elderly American snowbirds in San Miguel, that it does rather have the vibe of an American retirement community, albeit one with substantially more Mexican restaurants, souvenir stands and aggressive beggars. It is still a very pleasant place- with interesting churches, good food, and colonial-era architecture.
Leo had seen enough of San Miguel after a few hours, so we asked the waiter at Ten Ten Pie, a nice little taco place near the cathedral, to call Senor Gonzalez to come pick us up in his dream machine. Twenty minutes later a dilapidated old Nissan Sentra came sputtering up to the restaurant. Much to my dismay, he was looking for us. Senor Gonzalez was sick, he claimed. I pointed to the air vents in the car and asked if he had A/C. It was about 90 degrees and the oppressive sun had worn all three of us down. The driver assured us that he had A/C and turned it on full blast to demonstrate. Nothing but an avalanche of very hot air came out. Just wait, it takes time he said.
Five minutes into our trip, we were still broiling. It was clear that our new ride had no A/C. Suddenly the whole notion of paying more to take a taxi back to Guanajuato didn’t seem so ingenious any more. For all of Primera Plus’s faults- and there were many- they did at least have A/C. I tried to calculate what was preferable- a silent, yet sweltering ride in a battered old cab, or a cooler, noiser ride on a bus.
“Call Senor Gonzalez and ask him if you can use his car to drive us,” I asked.
The driver called someone, but claimed this was impossible. Irritated at this obvious bait and switch scam, and with beads of sweat poring down my back, I instructed our driver to take us to the San Miguel bus station. He very grudgingly complied, but when we pulled up, the place seemed deserted, so I instructed Jen and Leo to wait in the car while I jumped out, and determined that the next bus for Guanajuato left in nearly two hours on the dreaded Primera Plus line. So the option was continue on with an angry driver in his sweltering hot car in the middle of the afternoon in the scorching sun, or sit with a crabby, tired 17 month old child in an un-air-conditioned bus station for nearly two hours only to wait for a bus that would no doubt feature blaring, bad American movies dubbed into Spanish, and perhaps Mexican cartoons as well.
It was a no brainer- so I sheepishly told the drive to take us on to Guanajuato. He’d had it with us by that point, but wasn’t about to kick us out of his cab either. As soon as we got outside of town and our driver was able to put the peddle to the metal, I immediately began to question my decision to entrust this man with our lives. A confluence of factors seemed to be working against us- our driver was clearly insane to begin with, he was trying to make up time lost on the bus station detour, and he was obviously angry with us and worn down from my complaints about the lack of A/C and the bait and switch auto scheme.
As unpleasant as the trip to San Miguel had been on Primera Plus, I had not noticed how curvy the road was. I’ve had many bad cab driver in my life- Cairo certainly stands out as one place where I remember particularly risky drivers- but our driver on this afternoon was driving with a vengeance- accelerating into hair raising curves on lonely, high elevation roads with no guard rails. I looked in the back seat and saw that Leo was sleeping on his mother’s lap (no seat belts in the back seat), his hair fluttering in the hot breeze that whipped in through the open windows. I couldn’t help but think of what an irresponsible parent I was, and how miserable it would be to die in a musty old Nissan Sentra on one of Mexico’s forlorn byways. Instead of asking him to slow down- I made a show of clutching onto the hand rests when he’d fly around a dangerous curve at top speed, and occasionally would hold my hands up in front of my chest, as if to brace myself for a trip through the windshield.
Despite how fast the driver was going, and how he’d aggressively pass two or three trucks at a time- often on blind curves and uphill portions of the road- the ride seemed to be taking forever. My t-shirt was soaked with perspiration and no matter which way we turned, I always seemed to have the sun beating right on me. We passed through a dry, mocha colored, desolate landscape- if the car broke down, we’d be stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no garages around for many miles. It looked like the kind of place where one could easily die of thirst.
Miraculously we reached what seemed to be the outskirts of Guanajuato alive, but just as I began to practically taste the comforts of our hotel room, the sounds of a police siren poisoned my brightening mood. The driver pulled to the side of the road and turned off the motor. I was literally baking in the hot sun, and braced myself for a lengthy delay. Even though I was obviously displeased by the turn of events, I felt somewhat vindicated by the police action- our man had been driving like a maniac and richly deserved to be ticketed.
My hombre stepped out of the cab and met two officers just a few feet behind the car. I could see them in the mirror and could make out some of the Spanish language conversation that ensued. The police claimed he was going 90 in a 40 zone, although I think their estimate of his speed was charitable. Our driver unleashed his entire afternoon of frustration on the cops- the word “gringos” was thrown about liberally, and each time he used it, I detected looks of empathy and knowing nods of concern from the officers. I picked up enough of the Spanish to understand the crux of his defense: he had no choice but to speed because the gringos were angry about his non-functioning air conditioning. The whole thing was our fault. After making his closing arguments, the driver jogged back to the cab, grabbed a fistful of pesos ( I couldn’t tell how much) from a secret hiding spot underneath the wheel. The cops were paid, and off we went, not two minutes after the initial stop.
The driver peeled out, squealing tires and all, and zoomed off, leaving the cops in a storm of dust. If he was angry before, now he was livid, and seemed determined to drive us over a cliff, or perhaps into a tree. Somehow we arrived in the city intact, and it was obvious that the driver had no idea how to find our hotel, so I gladly agreed to get out and walk the rest of the way-so relieved was I to be alive and out of his greenhouse like sweatshop of a car. I paid the man and he roared off without comment or thanks. He was so mad he could hardly look us in the eyes. Whatever profit he was to make from the trip, had surely been eroded by the bribe he had to pay to mollify the police. Somehow, despite the fact that our driver had been going at least twice as fast as the bus, it had actually taken us 10 minutes longer to ride in his cab than it had to take the bus. I can only guess that he took a more circuitous route to avoid tolls.
Looking back on the incident- and I began to do so as soon as we left his cab- I couldn’t help but feel compelled by the fact that our disparate cultures and upbringings caused us both to conclude that we were the aggrieved parties. We were angry because we’d negotiated a price to ride in comfort with A/C in a new car, and that wasn’t we got. In his mind, he surely thought- I ride around in this old car without A/C every day, why can’t they just deal with it for an hour or so? The sun also probably did not feel that hot to him- he was used to it, and was not sweating like I was. Because we were on vacation, we felt as though we were entitled to a relaxing, comfortable trip, but certainly his perspective was: what do these rich gringos have to complain about? They are enjoying a nice holiday while I’m stuck here driving in this shitty old cab to make a living. In some ways, we were both right, but what I can definitively conclude from the experience is that comfort is always relative, safety is a state of mind, and silence is golden. Especially when Martin Lawrence is involved.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Israel's Appetite for Destruction
Israel’s violent assault on the Gaza Strip and the repugnant complicity of the United States in sanctioning Israel’s actions undermines America’s already diminished moral authority in the world, damages the West’s ability to confront international terrorism, and jeopardizes Israel’s long term security interests. The current offensive in Gaza is certainly not the first time Israel has committed atrocities against Palestinian civilians, and the United Stated has long been complicit in condoning and even supporting Israel’s reprehensible response to perceived threats from the Palestinians. Yet the scope and scale of Israel’s current rampage against Gaza a low point in the recent history of both Israel and the United States, particularly vis-à-vis the Palestinians and the wider Arab world.
Murder Incorporated
A comparison of the bloodshed on both sides of the current conflict shows a stunning disparity in the level of casualties and exposes how utterly disproportionate Israel’s response to Hamas’ patchwork rockets has been. Israel has killed nearly twenty times more Palestinians (more than 1,000 and counting with nearly 5,000 injured, including 346 children dead and another 1,709 children wounded according to the United Nations as of January 15, 2009) in just the first fortnight of its assault on the Gaza Strip compared to the last two years worth of Israeli casualties at the hands of Palestinian terror attacks (49 dead in 2007-8 ). Twice as many Palestinians were killed on the very first day of Israel’s rampage (250-300) compared to the number of Israelis killed over the last four years in terror attacks. (116) Thus far, four Israeli civilians have been killed in the conflict, with approximately 78 people wounded . Far more Israelis die each year from traffic accidents than from Hamas rockets. For example, in 2005, the number of Israeli victims of “terror attacks” was less than 10% of the number of traffic fatalities . In 2008 the number of Israeli victims of terror attacks was once again less than 10% of the number killed in traffic accidents, with more than 400 people were killed in road accidents , compared to 36 Israelis killed in terror attacks . Let me be clear- every death is one too many, but it’s important to put the level of violence in context in order to understand how utterly inappropriate Israel’s response is in this situation.
We Didn’t Start the Fire
Israel speciously claims that its bloody offensive against the Gaza Strip is a response to rocket fire from Hamas, but even if this were true, which it is not, the response would be wildly disproportionate, as Hamas rocket fire has resulted in less than two dozen Israeli fatalities over the last eight years according to Israeli human rights groups. The truth is that Israel has been planning this attack for more than six months- even as Israel was negotiating a ceasefire agreement with Hamas - and long before the Israelis themselves violated a four month long ceasefire with Hamas on November 4 by assassinating 6 Hamas operatives in the Gaza Strip . Note the significance of the date the Israelis chose to break the ceasefire- November 4 was the date of the U.S. Presidential election- certainly the best day of the year to commit acts you don’t want the international community to notice. Just as the timing of the November 4 attack was no accident, the timing of the current offensive- just before the Israeli election and prior to the inauguration of Barrack Obama- is obviously calculated and not a swift reaction to Hamas rocket fire.
Hamas predictably retaliated for the November 4 strike against its members, but its worth noting that Israel assassinated dozens of Palestinians even during the four month period from mid-June to early November when Hamas wasn’t firing any rockets into Israel at all, and it has also assassinated numerous Palestinians on the West Bank- where no rockets have ever been launched from- including, Arafat Al Khawaja, an unarmed 22 year-old that was demonstrating against the assault on Gaza on December 27 . Even the Israeli Foreign Ministry acknowledges that there were virtually no rockets fired into Israel during the ceasefire, prior to their November 4 assault. http://www.mfa.gov.il/MFA/Terrorism-+Obstacle+to+Peace/Palestinian+terror+since+2000/Missile+fire+from+Gaza+on+Israeli+civilian+targets+Aug+2007.htm#statistics
The fact that Israel and not the Palestinians violated this most recent ceasefire is part of a pattern of Israel stoking the conflict after periods of dormancy. A study conducted by Tel Aviv University, along with M.I.T. and other academic institutions looked at the last eight years of hostilities and concluded that Israel had unilaterally interrupted 96% of the 25 lulls in violence that lasted a week or more, and 100% of the 14 lulls in violence that lasted for at least 9 days.
What a Fool Believes
Over the last fortnight the Israeli government has served up several dubious claims regarding the background and conduct of the present conflict that need to be dispelled in order to understand the context of what is transpiring in Gaza.
The Song Remains the Same
1) Israel ended its occupation of the Gaza Strip by “disengaging” from the territory three years ago- While it’s true that Israel dismantled its settlements in the Gaza Strip, it routinely enters the territory to conduct assassinations, home demolitions, and other operations. Israel has never truly “disengaged” from the territory or given the Gazans any measure of freedom- it retains control over land and sea borders and airspace, controlling the flow of people and products in and out of the Strip. No one can come or go from the Gaza Strip unless Israel grants them a permit, and Israel often inexplicably denies non-combatants with no criminal history the right to leave Gaza. For example, in July, Israeli officials denied exit permits to three students from Gaza that had won prestigious U.S. government funded Fulbright Scholarships to study in the United States, even after repeated pleas from American diplomats to let them travel to the United States .
This is not an isolated incident, as an article in the International Herald Tribune notes, hundreds of students in Gaza that have won scholarships to study abroad are unable to leave- not because they cannot secure the visas to study in foreign countries- but because Israel prefers to keep them as prisoners in the Gaza Strip. The bottom line is that Gazans have no more control over their lives now than they did prior to Israel’s “disengagement,” and, in fact, Israel has killed more than 1,300 Palestinians in the Gaza Strip since disengagement, prior to the current round of fighting which commenced on December 27, including more than 250 children .
The Hustle
2) Instead of turning Gaza into a Dubai on the Mediterranean, Hamas has used the territory to terrorize Israel- The truth is that ever since Hamas won free and fair legislative elections in January 2006, Israel- behind America’s diplomatic bullying- has imposed collective punishment on the Gazans for voting for Hamas by imposing a harsh blockade that has made it impossible for adequate supplies of food, medicine and electricity to reach the Gaza Strip. Long before the present conflict, human rights groups warned that the blockade was having catastrophic effects on the public health and economy of Gaza, and were urging the Israeli government to halt this form of collective punishment. The group Physicians for Human Rights estimates that at least 200 Palestinians have died because Israel refused to allow them out of the Gaza Strip to seek medical care since the imposition of the blockade of Gaza. Halting the flow of food and medicine to civilians as a tool of war is a war crime and a violation of the fourth Geneva Convention. The U.S., for its part, not content to merely play its part in making life miserable in the Gaza Strip, took matters one step further with an Iran-contra-like plan to fund and arm militias to overthrow Hamas .
Aside from the obvious fact that trying to overturn the result of a democratic election undermines the U.S. claim that it’s trying to create a “New Middle East” where democracies replace dictators, the move didn’t work, and the U.S. attempts to topple Hamas only served to strengthen their popularity in the Gaza Strip and around the Arab World. The notion espoused by Thomas Friedman , and other official and un-official Israeli spokespersons that Gaza could “turn into a Dubai” while Israel strangles its economy and the U.S. cows the rest of the world into boycotting it is plainly absurd .
Blame if on the Rain
3) Israel is taking the utmost care in avoiding civilian casualties- Two weeks into the conflict, Israel has already killed at least 79 women, and 346 children, while wounding 1,709 children and 724 women and has killed an untold number of male non-combatants. Israel has also attacked U.N schools serving as safe-havens- in one case killing 3 and in another case killing 42 , a vegetable market ambulances , hospitals , U.N aid convoys, and the U.N. headquarters in Gaza. Israel initially tried to claim that Hamas was using the U.N protected school as a launching pad for mortar attacks, but after strenuous U.N denials, they eventually retracted their claim. Israel’s claims that Hamas is to blame whenever they commit an atrocity against an obviously civilian target remind one of Serbia’s similarly specious claims during the Balkan wars- claims that no one in the international community believed. The U.N. announced on January 8, that they’d have to suspend aid deliveries in the Gaza Strip due to the risk posed by the Israeli army, after a tank shell struck and killed the driver of a U.N aid convoy.
Aside from killing hundreds of civilians in Gaza, Israel is also guilty of deliberately preventing the Red Cross from assisting injured civilians trapped in the ruble of their demolished homes- in one case denying the Red Cross access for four days while soldiers were just meters away from people trying to get out from the wreckage of their homes. Numerous press reports, including a piece in the Washington Post , described a scene of utter carnage. “Emergency workers said they rescued 100 more trapped survivors Thursday and found between 40 and 50 corpses in a devastated residential block south of Gaza City that the Israeli military had kept off-limits to the International Committee of the Red Cross for four days…rescue workers found 16 bodies Wednesday in a large room of a house in Zaytoun: seven women, six children and three men, all members of the al-Samuni family. Most had sustained trauma injuries from shelling, but many had gunshot wounds as well... Four children, weak but alive, were found lying under blankets, nestled next to their dead mothers, Abuzaid said. Red Cross officials had said earlier that 12 adult bodies had been found in the house.”
Israel also has a history of using weapons banned under international law for use against civilian populations. For example, Human Rights Watch exhaustively documented Israel’s use of cluster bombs in civilian areas in Lebanon in 2006 in a 131 page report entitled, “Flooding South Lebanon: Israel’s Use of Cluster Munitions in Lebanon in July and August 2006. ” Human Rights watch is now pressing Israel to halt its use of white phosphorus- which can burn down houses and cause horrific burns on human skin. Hamas has, of course, also shown a blatant disregard for Israeli civilians, but fortunately, the arsenal of weapons at their disposal is extremely limited.
Beast of Burden
4) Israel is doing the U.S. a favor by taking on Hamas for us, in another front in the U.S.-led “War on Terror”- this claim has been made by not only the Israeli Foreign Ministry, but also by mainstream U.S. neo-cons like William Kristol in the New York Times- with Kristol going so far as to say that the U.S. should be “thanking Israel” rather than criticizing it. The truth is that Hamas is not part of Al Qaeda’s ideological war against the West-and has not specifically targeted U.S. interests the way Al-Qaeda and other jihadi groups have. The Israeli- Palestinian conflict is, at its heart, a dispute over a piece of land.
The only connection between the Israel- Palestinian conflict and the U.S. led war on terror is that our support for Israel and its violent colonization of the West Bank and Gaza Strip fuels anti-Americanism in the Arab world, contributes to the deterioration of our already battered image in the Middle East, and serves as a recruiting tool for Al-Qaeda and other radical groups. For example, the BBC carried a story on January 12 featuring young Indonesian men that wanted to join the jihad against Israel and the United States in support of Gazans under siege. The story went on to quote an extremist group called the Islamic Defenders Front, which claims to have signed up 5,000 new recruit inspired by the Israeli atrocities in Gaza. In the wake of Barrack Obama’s historic election and the ensuing good feelings toward the United States following this remarkable event, Israel’s attack on the Gaza Strip and the complicit U.S. response is a windfall for Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaeda. It is, essentially, a reminder to Muslims that while the face of leadership in America may be changing; America’s policies toward the Middle East may not. Rather than thanking Israel for its violent campaigns in the Occupied Territories, we should be condemning it, along with the rest of the world.
It Takes Two
Despite the lopsided disparity in casualty figures and the clear evidence of human rights violations by Israel in the Gaza Strip, most segments of the mainstream U.S. media continue to propagate the myth that both sides are equally to blame while urging a return to a failed peace process- which is really nothing more than a sad farce, whereby Israel goes through the motions while continuing to carve up more and more chunks of the West Bank. These tired pundits that implausibly cling to the two-state solution peace process mirage cannot seem to understand the key reason why Palestinians would support a movement which espouses armed resistance to Israel. Namely the fact that the settler population in the Occupied Territories has more than doubled since the start of the Oslo Peace Process and has continued to grow under successive Israeli governments. If the casualty figures in the present conflict were reversed and Hamas had killed hundreds of Israelis, with the Israelis killing only a handful of Palestinians, no American pundit that hoped to keep his job for long would be claiming that both sides were equally to blame.
Given the mainstream American media’s largely sympathetic pro-Israeli coverage, it’s easy to see how Americans could be confused as to who the victim and who the aggressor is in this conflict. Reports of Palestinian casualties often refer to the victims as “militants” – but its often unclear how the reporter has made this determination- and I suspect that they are often simply parroting whatever the Israeli military has claimed. The New York Times buried coverage of the deadly bombing at the school in Gaza that was serving as a shelter for civilians on page 10. Is there any doubt that if a Hamas rocket killed 40 Israelis hiding in a school that the story would have been on the front page? For that matter, can anyone imagine the reaction of U.S. officials and the media if 1,000 Israelis had been killed thus far in this conflict and just a handful of Palestinians? Can anyone doubt that we’d be hearing calls for a U.S. military intervention to stop Hamas? Somehow we are a lot less concerned about 1,000 dead Palestinians whose lives aren’t worth as much as Israelis.
Sympathy for the Devil?
Yesterday I rode home from work on Chicago’s Metra commuter line and sat next to a middle aged woman that seemed visibly distraught by the stories she was reading on her laptop. After several loud, audible sighs, and one episode where she ostentatiously covered her eyes with her hands while tilting her head back to face the heavens, I looked down to see what website she was looking at. It was something called The International Fellowship of Christians and Jews (IFCJ) website. My seat- mate was watching a video account of a rabbi’s report from what was billed as “War-Torn Israel.” I couldn’t hear the narrative because she had headphones on, but the images were not of the shattered homes, bodies in the streets and omnipresent rubble of Gaza, but instead scenes of rolling, verdant, bucolic hills in Israel. It looked more like the Sound of Music to me than a war zone. I then watched as she clicked into another page whose headline read, “I Survived a Hamas Rocket Attack!” After more audible sighs, I watched her click into a “Donate Now” page, which asks Americans to donate money- not to the tens of thousands of Gazans that are now homeless and in dire need of food and medicine, not to the Red Cross which is working around the clock to treat the thousands of seriously wounded Palestinians in the most primitively under funded hospitals and medical clinics imaginable, but to the Israeli victims of “Hamas terrorism.” While the IFCJ highlights its support to “victims of Hamas terrorism” it also, by its own admission, provides support to the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) which is perpetrating atrocities in Gaza, in the name of “fighting terrorism.”
Even though media reports have indicated that only four Israeli civilians have been killed in this conflict thus far, the IFCJ website reports that “thousands of Israelis have been injured and traumatized.” The United Nations has estimated that some 220 Israeli civilians have been injured, so one can only guess that the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews has thrown the word “traumatized” in there to cover what is an obviously misleading appeal. I’ve combed through this website and there is not a word of grief or regret or even a nugget of humanity expressed for the huge numbers of Palestinian dead and injured- and there are absolutely no appeals to help with the dire humanitarian crisis going on in the Gaza Strip.
More than a decade ago, during the devastating siege of Sarajevo, a Jewish friend and colleague of mine at the Chicago Tribune invited me to attend a United Jewish Appeal (UJA) event on the “humanitarian crisis in Bosnia.” My friend knew that I was interested in the situation in the Balkans, and the promotional flyer she forwarded me regarding the event looked interesting. The event turned out to be a 90 minute slideshow and presentation of how the UJA, along with other Jewish charities had helped members of Sarajevo’s tiny Jewish community move to Israel. At the end of the presentation, there was a pitch to donate money to help the remaining Jews in Bosnia. There was absolutely no mention of the genocidal campaign against Bosnian Muslims, or the plight of any other groups in Bosnia other than the Jews there. At the conclusion of the pitch, there was a lengthy question and answer session- and, given the fact that the promotional flyer had not mentioned that the presentation would be focused solely on Bosnia’s small Jewish community, I expected there to be some questions on the big picture situation in Bosnia. Yet, once again, all of the questions and discussion centered on the plight of Bosnia’s Jews.
I retell these stories to demonstrate the kind of dangerous, bunker mentality that can take hold amongst groups of embattled people that become capable of only seeing the suffering of their own kind. Those that focus solely on the suffering of people from their own race, religion or ethnic group aren’t bad people, and many groups are certainly guilty of this, but you have to feel depressed about the prospects for peace in the Holy Land when supporters of Israel can look at this conflict in Gaza and feel motivated to provide material support solely to the war machine that is responsible for committing more than 98% of the casualties. My point is not that fervent supporters of Israel are demonic, or even more hard-hearted than others, or that there are no Israeli victims of Hamas deserve sympathy or support. But when you look at the scale of the killing and the devastation in the already desperately poor Gaza Strip, and compare it with the minimal damage that Israel- a wealthy and advanced country- has suffered, and then conclude that it’s the Israelis who need your help, you are obviously completely immune to the suffering of the Palestinians.
There is no question that the legacy of the Holocaust looms large on the psyche of Israelis and their ardent supporters around the world. In their minds, Israel is the perennial victim no matter the facts of the situation. But at what point will the rest of the world, particularly the United States stop excusing Israel’s conduct and begin to treat it like any other nation that needs to abide by international law? Millions around the world are hoping that Barrack Obama will give Israel the tough love it desperately needs, but his campaign rhetoric is not encouraging on this score.
During a visit to Israel during the campaign, Obama was quoted as saying, “If somebody was sending rockets into my house, where my two daughters sleep at night, I’m going to do everything in my power to stop that… And I would expect Israelis to do the same thing,” Mr. Obama did not address how he or his daughters might feel about having their homes attacked by F-16’s, Apache helicopters and tanks. Also no mention of the fact that Israelis that are living in the towns being subjected to Hamas rockets have the freedom to travel to safe locations, whereas Gazans are trapped like prisoners in the Gaza Strip. The implication that somehow that the children of Israel are in more danger from Hamas rockets than the children of Gaza from the Israeli military- this despite the fact that more than 200 children were killed in Gaza by the Israeli military between 2006 and October 2008, while, during the same time frame, only five Israel children (still obviously 5 too many) were killed in Israel. Of course, if Mr. Obama had to move his family to either Israel or the Gaza Strip, one has to believe he’d take his chances against the Hamas rockets and move them to Israel. I certainly would.
Rocket Men
This conflict is not about Hamas rockets. Hamas has transformed itself from a mere armed resistance group into a political movement, though it still foolishly refuses to recognize Israel and continues to offer Israel the pretext for war it craves by firing its ineffectual homemade rockets into Israel. Israel does not want peace with Hamas no matter what the terms are- it wants to destroy Hamas, not make peace with it. The Israeli leadership believes that by hammering the Gazans they’ll succeed in cowing them into submission and turning them against Hamas. With an election looming on the horizon, Israeli leaders are all trying to slake the electorate’s thirst for vengeance.
But no matter how much force Israel uses in Gaza, they will not succeed in weakening Hamas, and, in fact, the harsher their response, the more likely Hamas will be strengthened. Most Gazans are part of very large, close- knit extended families with very extensive social circles, and nearly every man, woman and child that has been killed by the Israeli Defense Forces has brothers, parents, cousins, uncles and friends whose attitudes towards Israel will harden. The Palestinians are a resilient people, who are capable of enduring grave suffering and injustice. To think that they can be smashed into submission is foolhardy.
When Doves Cry
Two weeks prior to launching the present offensive in Gaza, Israel’s Foreign Minister was quoted as saying, “I will also be able to approach the Palestinian residents of Israel, those whom we call Israeli Arabs, and tell them, 'your national solution lies elsewhere. '"
This is an astonishing, yet very calculated statement, in that, no candidate for high office with her level of political experience would make it unless they believed that the sentiment would appeal to a broad spectrum of the electorate. Livni is essentially saying that if the Palestinians get a state on the West Bank, then the Arab citizens of Israel- who make up 20% of the country- should be deported, or ethnically cleansed from the territory. This notion that non-Jewish Arab citizens should be driven out exposes the kind of deeply ingrained racism which allows the Israeli leadership to act as it is in the Gaza Strip at this moment.
Its important to remember that Livni is Israel’s top diplomat- its acting Foreign Minister- and, a leading presidential candidate, whom the international media has called the “dovish” candidate. This is not a far-right, fringe candidate- but rather someone firmly in the center-left spectrum of Israeli politics. Can one imagine the reaction if Condoleeza Rice had opined that American citizens of Hispanic descent (not illegal immigrants, but actual U.S. citizens) should plan their future in Mexico?
Gimme Shelter
As the United States stands by and applauds while Israel stubbornly presses on with its lethal assault in Gaza, in the teeth of a nearly unanimous U.N. Security Council resolution calling for a ceasefire (the U.S. voted “present” after squelching earlier, stronger statements against Israeli aggression), it is difficult to imagine what Israel would have to do in order to draw U.S. condemnation. Perhaps Israel would need to commit a thoroughly comprehensive genocide, effectively “cleansing” the entire Occupied Territories of Palestinians once and for all, in order to rupture the U.S.- Israel alliance. In human history, no nation has ever subjugated its own national interests so as to acquiesce to the perceived interests of another nation in the way the U.S. has with Israel.
Despite this cozy relationship and fawning pro-Israel coverage in the American media, many Americans are waking up to the fact that our one-sided support for Israel is unjust and not in our interests. But American politics is still dominated by special interests, rather than the national interest, and there is no special interest group more powerful than the pro-Israel lobby- even though it only represents the more hawkish segment of America’s Jewish community. Why did the U.S. House of Representatives vote 390-5 “recognizing Israel's right to defend itself against attacks from Gaza?” Look no further than the power and strength of the Israel lobby.
Get Up, Stand Up
Even as America faces two wars abroad and a catastrophic economic crisis at home, there is no single issue more central to America’s security than to balance America’s approach to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. During the presidential election campaign, one of Barrack Obama’s most frequent talking points was on the need to reduce the influence of special interests in Washington. "The problem we have is that Washington has become a place where good ideas go to die. They go to die because the lobbyists and special interests have a strangle-hold on the agenda in Washington. They go to die in Washington because too many politicians are interested in scoring political points rather than bridging differences in order to get things done. ”
The world is waiting for Mr. Obama to be a man of his word- the future of Israel and Palestine, and the security of the United States lie in the balance.
Murder Incorporated
A comparison of the bloodshed on both sides of the current conflict shows a stunning disparity in the level of casualties and exposes how utterly disproportionate Israel’s response to Hamas’ patchwork rockets has been. Israel has killed nearly twenty times more Palestinians (more than 1,000 and counting with nearly 5,000 injured, including 346 children dead and another 1,709 children wounded according to the United Nations as of January 15, 2009) in just the first fortnight of its assault on the Gaza Strip compared to the last two years worth of Israeli casualties at the hands of Palestinian terror attacks (49 dead in 2007-8 ). Twice as many Palestinians were killed on the very first day of Israel’s rampage (250-300) compared to the number of Israelis killed over the last four years in terror attacks. (116) Thus far, four Israeli civilians have been killed in the conflict, with approximately 78 people wounded . Far more Israelis die each year from traffic accidents than from Hamas rockets. For example, in 2005, the number of Israeli victims of “terror attacks” was less than 10% of the number of traffic fatalities . In 2008 the number of Israeli victims of terror attacks was once again less than 10% of the number killed in traffic accidents, with more than 400 people were killed in road accidents , compared to 36 Israelis killed in terror attacks . Let me be clear- every death is one too many, but it’s important to put the level of violence in context in order to understand how utterly inappropriate Israel’s response is in this situation.
We Didn’t Start the Fire
Israel speciously claims that its bloody offensive against the Gaza Strip is a response to rocket fire from Hamas, but even if this were true, which it is not, the response would be wildly disproportionate, as Hamas rocket fire has resulted in less than two dozen Israeli fatalities over the last eight years according to Israeli human rights groups. The truth is that Israel has been planning this attack for more than six months- even as Israel was negotiating a ceasefire agreement with Hamas - and long before the Israelis themselves violated a four month long ceasefire with Hamas on November 4 by assassinating 6 Hamas operatives in the Gaza Strip . Note the significance of the date the Israelis chose to break the ceasefire- November 4 was the date of the U.S. Presidential election- certainly the best day of the year to commit acts you don’t want the international community to notice. Just as the timing of the November 4 attack was no accident, the timing of the current offensive- just before the Israeli election and prior to the inauguration of Barrack Obama- is obviously calculated and not a swift reaction to Hamas rocket fire.
Hamas predictably retaliated for the November 4 strike against its members, but its worth noting that Israel assassinated dozens of Palestinians even during the four month period from mid-June to early November when Hamas wasn’t firing any rockets into Israel at all, and it has also assassinated numerous Palestinians on the West Bank- where no rockets have ever been launched from- including, Arafat Al Khawaja, an unarmed 22 year-old that was demonstrating against the assault on Gaza on December 27 . Even the Israeli Foreign Ministry acknowledges that there were virtually no rockets fired into Israel during the ceasefire, prior to their November 4 assault. http://www.mfa.gov.il/MFA/Terrorism-+Obstacle+to+Peace/Palestinian+terror+since+2000/Missile+fire+from+Gaza+on+Israeli+civilian+targets+Aug+2007.htm#statistics
The fact that Israel and not the Palestinians violated this most recent ceasefire is part of a pattern of Israel stoking the conflict after periods of dormancy. A study conducted by Tel Aviv University, along with M.I.T. and other academic institutions looked at the last eight years of hostilities and concluded that Israel had unilaterally interrupted 96% of the 25 lulls in violence that lasted a week or more, and 100% of the 14 lulls in violence that lasted for at least 9 days.
What a Fool Believes
Over the last fortnight the Israeli government has served up several dubious claims regarding the background and conduct of the present conflict that need to be dispelled in order to understand the context of what is transpiring in Gaza.
The Song Remains the Same
1) Israel ended its occupation of the Gaza Strip by “disengaging” from the territory three years ago- While it’s true that Israel dismantled its settlements in the Gaza Strip, it routinely enters the territory to conduct assassinations, home demolitions, and other operations. Israel has never truly “disengaged” from the territory or given the Gazans any measure of freedom- it retains control over land and sea borders and airspace, controlling the flow of people and products in and out of the Strip. No one can come or go from the Gaza Strip unless Israel grants them a permit, and Israel often inexplicably denies non-combatants with no criminal history the right to leave Gaza. For example, in July, Israeli officials denied exit permits to three students from Gaza that had won prestigious U.S. government funded Fulbright Scholarships to study in the United States, even after repeated pleas from American diplomats to let them travel to the United States .
This is not an isolated incident, as an article in the International Herald Tribune notes, hundreds of students in Gaza that have won scholarships to study abroad are unable to leave- not because they cannot secure the visas to study in foreign countries- but because Israel prefers to keep them as prisoners in the Gaza Strip. The bottom line is that Gazans have no more control over their lives now than they did prior to Israel’s “disengagement,” and, in fact, Israel has killed more than 1,300 Palestinians in the Gaza Strip since disengagement, prior to the current round of fighting which commenced on December 27, including more than 250 children .
The Hustle
2) Instead of turning Gaza into a Dubai on the Mediterranean, Hamas has used the territory to terrorize Israel- The truth is that ever since Hamas won free and fair legislative elections in January 2006, Israel- behind America’s diplomatic bullying- has imposed collective punishment on the Gazans for voting for Hamas by imposing a harsh blockade that has made it impossible for adequate supplies of food, medicine and electricity to reach the Gaza Strip. Long before the present conflict, human rights groups warned that the blockade was having catastrophic effects on the public health and economy of Gaza, and were urging the Israeli government to halt this form of collective punishment. The group Physicians for Human Rights estimates that at least 200 Palestinians have died because Israel refused to allow them out of the Gaza Strip to seek medical care since the imposition of the blockade of Gaza. Halting the flow of food and medicine to civilians as a tool of war is a war crime and a violation of the fourth Geneva Convention. The U.S., for its part, not content to merely play its part in making life miserable in the Gaza Strip, took matters one step further with an Iran-contra-like plan to fund and arm militias to overthrow Hamas .
Aside from the obvious fact that trying to overturn the result of a democratic election undermines the U.S. claim that it’s trying to create a “New Middle East” where democracies replace dictators, the move didn’t work, and the U.S. attempts to topple Hamas only served to strengthen their popularity in the Gaza Strip and around the Arab World. The notion espoused by Thomas Friedman , and other official and un-official Israeli spokespersons that Gaza could “turn into a Dubai” while Israel strangles its economy and the U.S. cows the rest of the world into boycotting it is plainly absurd .
Blame if on the Rain
3) Israel is taking the utmost care in avoiding civilian casualties- Two weeks into the conflict, Israel has already killed at least 79 women, and 346 children, while wounding 1,709 children and 724 women and has killed an untold number of male non-combatants. Israel has also attacked U.N schools serving as safe-havens- in one case killing 3 and in another case killing 42 , a vegetable market ambulances , hospitals , U.N aid convoys, and the U.N. headquarters in Gaza. Israel initially tried to claim that Hamas was using the U.N protected school as a launching pad for mortar attacks, but after strenuous U.N denials, they eventually retracted their claim. Israel’s claims that Hamas is to blame whenever they commit an atrocity against an obviously civilian target remind one of Serbia’s similarly specious claims during the Balkan wars- claims that no one in the international community believed. The U.N. announced on January 8, that they’d have to suspend aid deliveries in the Gaza Strip due to the risk posed by the Israeli army, after a tank shell struck and killed the driver of a U.N aid convoy.
Aside from killing hundreds of civilians in Gaza, Israel is also guilty of deliberately preventing the Red Cross from assisting injured civilians trapped in the ruble of their demolished homes- in one case denying the Red Cross access for four days while soldiers were just meters away from people trying to get out from the wreckage of their homes. Numerous press reports, including a piece in the Washington Post , described a scene of utter carnage. “Emergency workers said they rescued 100 more trapped survivors Thursday and found between 40 and 50 corpses in a devastated residential block south of Gaza City that the Israeli military had kept off-limits to the International Committee of the Red Cross for four days…rescue workers found 16 bodies Wednesday in a large room of a house in Zaytoun: seven women, six children and three men, all members of the al-Samuni family. Most had sustained trauma injuries from shelling, but many had gunshot wounds as well... Four children, weak but alive, were found lying under blankets, nestled next to their dead mothers, Abuzaid said. Red Cross officials had said earlier that 12 adult bodies had been found in the house.”
Israel also has a history of using weapons banned under international law for use against civilian populations. For example, Human Rights Watch exhaustively documented Israel’s use of cluster bombs in civilian areas in Lebanon in 2006 in a 131 page report entitled, “Flooding South Lebanon: Israel’s Use of Cluster Munitions in Lebanon in July and August 2006. ” Human Rights watch is now pressing Israel to halt its use of white phosphorus- which can burn down houses and cause horrific burns on human skin. Hamas has, of course, also shown a blatant disregard for Israeli civilians, but fortunately, the arsenal of weapons at their disposal is extremely limited.
Beast of Burden
4) Israel is doing the U.S. a favor by taking on Hamas for us, in another front in the U.S.-led “War on Terror”- this claim has been made by not only the Israeli Foreign Ministry, but also by mainstream U.S. neo-cons like William Kristol in the New York Times- with Kristol going so far as to say that the U.S. should be “thanking Israel” rather than criticizing it. The truth is that Hamas is not part of Al Qaeda’s ideological war against the West-and has not specifically targeted U.S. interests the way Al-Qaeda and other jihadi groups have. The Israeli- Palestinian conflict is, at its heart, a dispute over a piece of land.
The only connection between the Israel- Palestinian conflict and the U.S. led war on terror is that our support for Israel and its violent colonization of the West Bank and Gaza Strip fuels anti-Americanism in the Arab world, contributes to the deterioration of our already battered image in the Middle East, and serves as a recruiting tool for Al-Qaeda and other radical groups. For example, the BBC carried a story on January 12 featuring young Indonesian men that wanted to join the jihad against Israel and the United States in support of Gazans under siege. The story went on to quote an extremist group called the Islamic Defenders Front, which claims to have signed up 5,000 new recruit inspired by the Israeli atrocities in Gaza. In the wake of Barrack Obama’s historic election and the ensuing good feelings toward the United States following this remarkable event, Israel’s attack on the Gaza Strip and the complicit U.S. response is a windfall for Osama bin Laden and Al-Qaeda. It is, essentially, a reminder to Muslims that while the face of leadership in America may be changing; America’s policies toward the Middle East may not. Rather than thanking Israel for its violent campaigns in the Occupied Territories, we should be condemning it, along with the rest of the world.
It Takes Two
Despite the lopsided disparity in casualty figures and the clear evidence of human rights violations by Israel in the Gaza Strip, most segments of the mainstream U.S. media continue to propagate the myth that both sides are equally to blame while urging a return to a failed peace process- which is really nothing more than a sad farce, whereby Israel goes through the motions while continuing to carve up more and more chunks of the West Bank. These tired pundits that implausibly cling to the two-state solution peace process mirage cannot seem to understand the key reason why Palestinians would support a movement which espouses armed resistance to Israel. Namely the fact that the settler population in the Occupied Territories has more than doubled since the start of the Oslo Peace Process and has continued to grow under successive Israeli governments. If the casualty figures in the present conflict were reversed and Hamas had killed hundreds of Israelis, with the Israelis killing only a handful of Palestinians, no American pundit that hoped to keep his job for long would be claiming that both sides were equally to blame.
Given the mainstream American media’s largely sympathetic pro-Israeli coverage, it’s easy to see how Americans could be confused as to who the victim and who the aggressor is in this conflict. Reports of Palestinian casualties often refer to the victims as “militants” – but its often unclear how the reporter has made this determination- and I suspect that they are often simply parroting whatever the Israeli military has claimed. The New York Times buried coverage of the deadly bombing at the school in Gaza that was serving as a shelter for civilians on page 10. Is there any doubt that if a Hamas rocket killed 40 Israelis hiding in a school that the story would have been on the front page? For that matter, can anyone imagine the reaction of U.S. officials and the media if 1,000 Israelis had been killed thus far in this conflict and just a handful of Palestinians? Can anyone doubt that we’d be hearing calls for a U.S. military intervention to stop Hamas? Somehow we are a lot less concerned about 1,000 dead Palestinians whose lives aren’t worth as much as Israelis.
Sympathy for the Devil?
Yesterday I rode home from work on Chicago’s Metra commuter line and sat next to a middle aged woman that seemed visibly distraught by the stories she was reading on her laptop. After several loud, audible sighs, and one episode where she ostentatiously covered her eyes with her hands while tilting her head back to face the heavens, I looked down to see what website she was looking at. It was something called The International Fellowship of Christians and Jews (IFCJ) website. My seat- mate was watching a video account of a rabbi’s report from what was billed as “War-Torn Israel.” I couldn’t hear the narrative because she had headphones on, but the images were not of the shattered homes, bodies in the streets and omnipresent rubble of Gaza, but instead scenes of rolling, verdant, bucolic hills in Israel. It looked more like the Sound of Music to me than a war zone. I then watched as she clicked into another page whose headline read, “I Survived a Hamas Rocket Attack!” After more audible sighs, I watched her click into a “Donate Now” page, which asks Americans to donate money- not to the tens of thousands of Gazans that are now homeless and in dire need of food and medicine, not to the Red Cross which is working around the clock to treat the thousands of seriously wounded Palestinians in the most primitively under funded hospitals and medical clinics imaginable, but to the Israeli victims of “Hamas terrorism.” While the IFCJ highlights its support to “victims of Hamas terrorism” it also, by its own admission, provides support to the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF) which is perpetrating atrocities in Gaza, in the name of “fighting terrorism.”
Even though media reports have indicated that only four Israeli civilians have been killed in this conflict thus far, the IFCJ website reports that “thousands of Israelis have been injured and traumatized.” The United Nations has estimated that some 220 Israeli civilians have been injured, so one can only guess that the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews has thrown the word “traumatized” in there to cover what is an obviously misleading appeal. I’ve combed through this website and there is not a word of grief or regret or even a nugget of humanity expressed for the huge numbers of Palestinian dead and injured- and there are absolutely no appeals to help with the dire humanitarian crisis going on in the Gaza Strip.
More than a decade ago, during the devastating siege of Sarajevo, a Jewish friend and colleague of mine at the Chicago Tribune invited me to attend a United Jewish Appeal (UJA) event on the “humanitarian crisis in Bosnia.” My friend knew that I was interested in the situation in the Balkans, and the promotional flyer she forwarded me regarding the event looked interesting. The event turned out to be a 90 minute slideshow and presentation of how the UJA, along with other Jewish charities had helped members of Sarajevo’s tiny Jewish community move to Israel. At the end of the presentation, there was a pitch to donate money to help the remaining Jews in Bosnia. There was absolutely no mention of the genocidal campaign against Bosnian Muslims, or the plight of any other groups in Bosnia other than the Jews there. At the conclusion of the pitch, there was a lengthy question and answer session- and, given the fact that the promotional flyer had not mentioned that the presentation would be focused solely on Bosnia’s small Jewish community, I expected there to be some questions on the big picture situation in Bosnia. Yet, once again, all of the questions and discussion centered on the plight of Bosnia’s Jews.
I retell these stories to demonstrate the kind of dangerous, bunker mentality that can take hold amongst groups of embattled people that become capable of only seeing the suffering of their own kind. Those that focus solely on the suffering of people from their own race, religion or ethnic group aren’t bad people, and many groups are certainly guilty of this, but you have to feel depressed about the prospects for peace in the Holy Land when supporters of Israel can look at this conflict in Gaza and feel motivated to provide material support solely to the war machine that is responsible for committing more than 98% of the casualties. My point is not that fervent supporters of Israel are demonic, or even more hard-hearted than others, or that there are no Israeli victims of Hamas deserve sympathy or support. But when you look at the scale of the killing and the devastation in the already desperately poor Gaza Strip, and compare it with the minimal damage that Israel- a wealthy and advanced country- has suffered, and then conclude that it’s the Israelis who need your help, you are obviously completely immune to the suffering of the Palestinians.
There is no question that the legacy of the Holocaust looms large on the psyche of Israelis and their ardent supporters around the world. In their minds, Israel is the perennial victim no matter the facts of the situation. But at what point will the rest of the world, particularly the United States stop excusing Israel’s conduct and begin to treat it like any other nation that needs to abide by international law? Millions around the world are hoping that Barrack Obama will give Israel the tough love it desperately needs, but his campaign rhetoric is not encouraging on this score.
During a visit to Israel during the campaign, Obama was quoted as saying, “If somebody was sending rockets into my house, where my two daughters sleep at night, I’m going to do everything in my power to stop that… And I would expect Israelis to do the same thing,” Mr. Obama did not address how he or his daughters might feel about having their homes attacked by F-16’s, Apache helicopters and tanks. Also no mention of the fact that Israelis that are living in the towns being subjected to Hamas rockets have the freedom to travel to safe locations, whereas Gazans are trapped like prisoners in the Gaza Strip. The implication that somehow that the children of Israel are in more danger from Hamas rockets than the children of Gaza from the Israeli military- this despite the fact that more than 200 children were killed in Gaza by the Israeli military between 2006 and October 2008, while, during the same time frame, only five Israel children (still obviously 5 too many) were killed in Israel. Of course, if Mr. Obama had to move his family to either Israel or the Gaza Strip, one has to believe he’d take his chances against the Hamas rockets and move them to Israel. I certainly would.
Rocket Men
This conflict is not about Hamas rockets. Hamas has transformed itself from a mere armed resistance group into a political movement, though it still foolishly refuses to recognize Israel and continues to offer Israel the pretext for war it craves by firing its ineffectual homemade rockets into Israel. Israel does not want peace with Hamas no matter what the terms are- it wants to destroy Hamas, not make peace with it. The Israeli leadership believes that by hammering the Gazans they’ll succeed in cowing them into submission and turning them against Hamas. With an election looming on the horizon, Israeli leaders are all trying to slake the electorate’s thirst for vengeance.
But no matter how much force Israel uses in Gaza, they will not succeed in weakening Hamas, and, in fact, the harsher their response, the more likely Hamas will be strengthened. Most Gazans are part of very large, close- knit extended families with very extensive social circles, and nearly every man, woman and child that has been killed by the Israeli Defense Forces has brothers, parents, cousins, uncles and friends whose attitudes towards Israel will harden. The Palestinians are a resilient people, who are capable of enduring grave suffering and injustice. To think that they can be smashed into submission is foolhardy.
When Doves Cry
Two weeks prior to launching the present offensive in Gaza, Israel’s Foreign Minister was quoted as saying, “I will also be able to approach the Palestinian residents of Israel, those whom we call Israeli Arabs, and tell them, 'your national solution lies elsewhere. '"
This is an astonishing, yet very calculated statement, in that, no candidate for high office with her level of political experience would make it unless they believed that the sentiment would appeal to a broad spectrum of the electorate. Livni is essentially saying that if the Palestinians get a state on the West Bank, then the Arab citizens of Israel- who make up 20% of the country- should be deported, or ethnically cleansed from the territory. This notion that non-Jewish Arab citizens should be driven out exposes the kind of deeply ingrained racism which allows the Israeli leadership to act as it is in the Gaza Strip at this moment.
Its important to remember that Livni is Israel’s top diplomat- its acting Foreign Minister- and, a leading presidential candidate, whom the international media has called the “dovish” candidate. This is not a far-right, fringe candidate- but rather someone firmly in the center-left spectrum of Israeli politics. Can one imagine the reaction if Condoleeza Rice had opined that American citizens of Hispanic descent (not illegal immigrants, but actual U.S. citizens) should plan their future in Mexico?
Gimme Shelter
As the United States stands by and applauds while Israel stubbornly presses on with its lethal assault in Gaza, in the teeth of a nearly unanimous U.N. Security Council resolution calling for a ceasefire (the U.S. voted “present” after squelching earlier, stronger statements against Israeli aggression), it is difficult to imagine what Israel would have to do in order to draw U.S. condemnation. Perhaps Israel would need to commit a thoroughly comprehensive genocide, effectively “cleansing” the entire Occupied Territories of Palestinians once and for all, in order to rupture the U.S.- Israel alliance. In human history, no nation has ever subjugated its own national interests so as to acquiesce to the perceived interests of another nation in the way the U.S. has with Israel.
Despite this cozy relationship and fawning pro-Israel coverage in the American media, many Americans are waking up to the fact that our one-sided support for Israel is unjust and not in our interests. But American politics is still dominated by special interests, rather than the national interest, and there is no special interest group more powerful than the pro-Israel lobby- even though it only represents the more hawkish segment of America’s Jewish community. Why did the U.S. House of Representatives vote 390-5 “recognizing Israel's right to defend itself against attacks from Gaza?” Look no further than the power and strength of the Israel lobby.
Get Up, Stand Up
Even as America faces two wars abroad and a catastrophic economic crisis at home, there is no single issue more central to America’s security than to balance America’s approach to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. During the presidential election campaign, one of Barrack Obama’s most frequent talking points was on the need to reduce the influence of special interests in Washington. "The problem we have is that Washington has become a place where good ideas go to die. They go to die because the lobbyists and special interests have a strangle-hold on the agenda in Washington. They go to die in Washington because too many politicians are interested in scoring political points rather than bridging differences in order to get things done. ”
The world is waiting for Mr. Obama to be a man of his word- the future of Israel and Palestine, and the security of the United States lie in the balance.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Gov. Blago to his wife: Honey Could you Keep it Down? I'm on the Goddamn Phone!
Most of the focus regarding the Blago-gate scandal that has been the talk of Chicago and much of the nation this week has been on Blago's efforts to sell Obama's senate seat. And while this is obviously noteworthy in its own way, my favorite part of the scandal are the revelations about Patti Blagojevich, Rod's wife. From the Chicago Tribune: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/chi-blagojevich_patti_10dec10,0,1460523.story
"She helped her husband hatch a plan to sell President-elect Barack Obama's old U.S. Senate seat. She angled to trade her husband's power for lucrative spots on corporate boards. And she unleashed an obscenity-filled tirade suggesting Tribune Co. ownership should "just fire" Chicago Tribune editorial writers if the company wanted the state to help it unload Wrigley Field to ease its crushing debt."
Authorities alledge that while her husband was on the phone with a Tribune company executive, Patti could be heard in the background shouting, "hold up that fucking Cubs shit- Fuck them!"
Imagine that you are on the phone with the govenor of Illinois and you hear that in the background? Aside from the obviously profane language, what is it about women trying to talk to their husbands while they are on the phone? My wife would never use that kind of language, but she is prone to trying to tell me things while I'm on the phone with someone else. For example, the other day I was on the phone with Direct TV about a technical problem we were having, and while on the phone with them determined that they were overcharging us. Wouldn't you know it, though, my beloved wife tried to explain to me that we weren't being overcharged, just as I was securing a credit from the representative. Maybe she wanted to set the record straight, but couldn't this have waited?
More on Patti Blago from the Trib:
"The affidavit also alleges she participated in a two-hour conference call last month in which she, Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his aides discussed selling Obama's seat in exchange for her placement on paid corporate boards. Patricia Blagojevich suggested she would be qualified for such positions because she has a background in real estate and appraisals, while the governor stated that he hoped she would pull in at least $150,000 annually to alleviate the family's "financial stress," according to the complaint."
Feel pity for the Blago's, they pulled in a mere 214,580 in 2007 according to their taxes, and, given what we know about their ties to corrupt people here in Chicago, that means that they probably only made a million or two dollars that year.
"She helped her husband hatch a plan to sell President-elect Barack Obama's old U.S. Senate seat. She angled to trade her husband's power for lucrative spots on corporate boards. And she unleashed an obscenity-filled tirade suggesting Tribune Co. ownership should "just fire" Chicago Tribune editorial writers if the company wanted the state to help it unload Wrigley Field to ease its crushing debt."
Authorities alledge that while her husband was on the phone with a Tribune company executive, Patti could be heard in the background shouting, "hold up that fucking Cubs shit- Fuck them!"
Imagine that you are on the phone with the govenor of Illinois and you hear that in the background? Aside from the obviously profane language, what is it about women trying to talk to their husbands while they are on the phone? My wife would never use that kind of language, but she is prone to trying to tell me things while I'm on the phone with someone else. For example, the other day I was on the phone with Direct TV about a technical problem we were having, and while on the phone with them determined that they were overcharging us. Wouldn't you know it, though, my beloved wife tried to explain to me that we weren't being overcharged, just as I was securing a credit from the representative. Maybe she wanted to set the record straight, but couldn't this have waited?
More on Patti Blago from the Trib:
"The affidavit also alleges she participated in a two-hour conference call last month in which she, Gov. Rod Blagojevich and his aides discussed selling Obama's seat in exchange for her placement on paid corporate boards. Patricia Blagojevich suggested she would be qualified for such positions because she has a background in real estate and appraisals, while the governor stated that he hoped she would pull in at least $150,000 annually to alleviate the family's "financial stress," according to the complaint."
Feel pity for the Blago's, they pulled in a mere 214,580 in 2007 according to their taxes, and, given what we know about their ties to corrupt people here in Chicago, that means that they probably only made a million or two dollars that year.
Cubs to Fans: Pay Up Suckers
On October 5th, after the Cubs went down meekly in ignominious disgrace in the first round of the playoffs, I posted a bitter screed here forecasting the impending destruction of the planet, along with a likely Cubs ticket price increase. Well, so far, I'm right about the ticket price increase- and I'm not ruling out the Armageddon stuff either. The Cubs announced the increase last week- very strategically timed to appear in the Saturday morning newspaper- the least read paper of the week.
Its difficult to calculate the exact scale of the increase- the Cubs are being purposely vague and misleading about it. They've stated that the increase is "only 6% outside of 14 platinum games." So the Cubs have now created a fourth category of ticket prices for "platinum" games- games against the Cardinals, Mets, during holiday weekends, etc. The price hikes for the platinum games are very substantial- for example, a bleacher seat will now go for $60- a 25% increase. So the overall increase is probably something in the range of 15-20%.
So this is a big price increase in the wake of yet another disastrous playoff collapse and, in the teeth, of the country's worst recession in 34 years. Yet the Cubs spun the increases like Karl Rove would spin an indictment against the administration, absurdly claiming that "33% of tickets will remain at the same price." The headline of the article about the ticket price increases on mlb.com was actually, "Cubs freeze 33% of Ticket Prices"! http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20081206&content_id=3704406&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb And the Chicago Tribune dutifully covered the story similarly, with the 33% freeze nonsense in the first line of their coverage, http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports_hardball/2008/12/cubs-announce-t.html Even the Chicago Sun Times got in on the act- biting on the Trib's transparent spin job, and swallowing their 33% nonsense hook, line and sinker, which is a little like running a story about a thief who steals $9,999 from someone and leaves $3,333 behind with the headline, "Victim Allowed to Keep 33% of Their Money." http://www.suntimes.com/sports/baseball/cubs/1317794,cubs-raise-ticket-prices-2009-120608.article
Are these reporters too dumb or lazy to be able to report beyond what they read in the press release the Cubs sent them? Maybe. But the more likely excuse for their pathetic reporting is the old soft coverage for acess deal. They know that if they portray the Cubs as the band of marauding, unscrupulous highway bandits that they are, they'll find it difficult to secure any interviews with players and those in the front office. But let's be real here- when do players, managers, or front office personnel ever say anything of interest to the press anyways? Is it really so critical to get that interview with so and so where he expounds on how hard he's been working and how he just wants to take it one game at a time and give 110% and so forth? Spare me- i'd rather have a real journalist who tells us the truth and doesn't have access to the prima-donnas who don't say a damn thing of interest anyways.
The Cubs have the second most expensive tickets in baseball- the Red Sox- who have the most expensive seats- announced that they will not hike prices for the first time in 14 years due to the recession. And let's not forget that these folks have taken home 2 trophies recently. And what new players have the Cubs added to their roster in the off-season to justify another price hike? Let's see: a downgrade in the bullpen with Kevin Gregg (3.41 ERA/29 Saves/MLB leading 9 Blown Saves/37 BB/58 K's) replacing Kerry Wood (3.26 ERA/34 Saves/6 Blown Saves/18 BB/ 84 K's) and, drum roll please, Chad Fox. Chad Freaking Fox people- yes- rush out now and get those season tickets, Chad Fox will be taking the mound next year! Can't you see the t-shirt hawkers outside Wrigely now with shirts which say, "I'm a Fox!" And those with the old "We Got Wood" t-shirts, will now need to trade them in for "We Settled For Gregg" ones.
The Cubs raised ticket prices by 23% prior to last season and the public responded by turning out in record numbers- more than 3.3 million fans walked through the turnstiles. (And approximately 2.9 million of them left the ballpark drunk off their asses) The point is that people are desperate to attend Cubs games. No visit to Chicago in the summertime by every dork from Omaha to Arkansas is complete without the obligatory trip to Wrigley. Desperation, ignorance, and too much disposable income or access to credit all feed into the evil and diabolical plans of Cubs management, who would like nothing more than to charge $1,000,000 per ticket if they could get away with it.
Admit it, this is a stinking, rotting, corpse of a franchise. Yes, I know, the ticket brokers (of which the Tribune company owns the largest one) often get far more than face value for Cubs tickets- it's a scam perpetrated on dumb asses who probably deserve to be fleeced anyways. So I come around to this point then to Cubs team management: fine, increase your prices as much as you like- make the tickets so completely unaffordable that only the rich can attend games. Replace the hot dogs and beer at the concession stands with champagne and caviar. Bring in Robin Leach to sing during the 7th inning stretch.
I just don't care any more, because what I'd like more than anything else, is for Cubs fans to just stay away. Let attendance and revenues dwindle. Put Alfonso "Cubs Fans Should Have Patience" Soriano and the other overpaid millionaires on the bread line. Stop signing free agents. What will happen? The team will continue to NOT win the World Series. So what? Perhaps then we can be like the Tampa Rays, and at least have some fun watching young players at more reasonable prices.
Note: I dedicate this column to the most loyal Cubs fan in St. Louis, Mr. Ian "I Still Believe in the Inherit Righteousness of the Cubs" Caso, who wants Cubs ticket prices to be raised as much as possible, because he lives in St. Louis and doesn't attend games anyways, and foolishly believes that the Cubs will use the money to pursue studs like Jake Peavy and Brian Roberts.
Its difficult to calculate the exact scale of the increase- the Cubs are being purposely vague and misleading about it. They've stated that the increase is "only 6% outside of 14 platinum games." So the Cubs have now created a fourth category of ticket prices for "platinum" games- games against the Cardinals, Mets, during holiday weekends, etc. The price hikes for the platinum games are very substantial- for example, a bleacher seat will now go for $60- a 25% increase. So the overall increase is probably something in the range of 15-20%.
So this is a big price increase in the wake of yet another disastrous playoff collapse and, in the teeth, of the country's worst recession in 34 years. Yet the Cubs spun the increases like Karl Rove would spin an indictment against the administration, absurdly claiming that "33% of tickets will remain at the same price." The headline of the article about the ticket price increases on mlb.com was actually, "Cubs freeze 33% of Ticket Prices"! http://mlb.mlb.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20081206&content_id=3704406&vkey=news_mlb&fext=.jsp&c_id=mlb And the Chicago Tribune dutifully covered the story similarly, with the 33% freeze nonsense in the first line of their coverage, http://blogs.chicagosports.chicagotribune.com/sports_hardball/2008/12/cubs-announce-t.html Even the Chicago Sun Times got in on the act- biting on the Trib's transparent spin job, and swallowing their 33% nonsense hook, line and sinker, which is a little like running a story about a thief who steals $9,999 from someone and leaves $3,333 behind with the headline, "Victim Allowed to Keep 33% of Their Money." http://www.suntimes.com/sports/baseball/cubs/1317794,cubs-raise-ticket-prices-2009-120608.article
Are these reporters too dumb or lazy to be able to report beyond what they read in the press release the Cubs sent them? Maybe. But the more likely excuse for their pathetic reporting is the old soft coverage for acess deal. They know that if they portray the Cubs as the band of marauding, unscrupulous highway bandits that they are, they'll find it difficult to secure any interviews with players and those in the front office. But let's be real here- when do players, managers, or front office personnel ever say anything of interest to the press anyways? Is it really so critical to get that interview with so and so where he expounds on how hard he's been working and how he just wants to take it one game at a time and give 110% and so forth? Spare me- i'd rather have a real journalist who tells us the truth and doesn't have access to the prima-donnas who don't say a damn thing of interest anyways.
The Cubs have the second most expensive tickets in baseball- the Red Sox- who have the most expensive seats- announced that they will not hike prices for the first time in 14 years due to the recession. And let's not forget that these folks have taken home 2 trophies recently. And what new players have the Cubs added to their roster in the off-season to justify another price hike? Let's see: a downgrade in the bullpen with Kevin Gregg (3.41 ERA/29 Saves/MLB leading 9 Blown Saves/37 BB/58 K's) replacing Kerry Wood (3.26 ERA/34 Saves/6 Blown Saves/18 BB/ 84 K's) and, drum roll please, Chad Fox. Chad Freaking Fox people- yes- rush out now and get those season tickets, Chad Fox will be taking the mound next year! Can't you see the t-shirt hawkers outside Wrigely now with shirts which say, "I'm a Fox!" And those with the old "We Got Wood" t-shirts, will now need to trade them in for "We Settled For Gregg" ones.
The Cubs raised ticket prices by 23% prior to last season and the public responded by turning out in record numbers- more than 3.3 million fans walked through the turnstiles. (And approximately 2.9 million of them left the ballpark drunk off their asses) The point is that people are desperate to attend Cubs games. No visit to Chicago in the summertime by every dork from Omaha to Arkansas is complete without the obligatory trip to Wrigley. Desperation, ignorance, and too much disposable income or access to credit all feed into the evil and diabolical plans of Cubs management, who would like nothing more than to charge $1,000,000 per ticket if they could get away with it.
Admit it, this is a stinking, rotting, corpse of a franchise. Yes, I know, the ticket brokers (of which the Tribune company owns the largest one) often get far more than face value for Cubs tickets- it's a scam perpetrated on dumb asses who probably deserve to be fleeced anyways. So I come around to this point then to Cubs team management: fine, increase your prices as much as you like- make the tickets so completely unaffordable that only the rich can attend games. Replace the hot dogs and beer at the concession stands with champagne and caviar. Bring in Robin Leach to sing during the 7th inning stretch.
I just don't care any more, because what I'd like more than anything else, is for Cubs fans to just stay away. Let attendance and revenues dwindle. Put Alfonso "Cubs Fans Should Have Patience" Soriano and the other overpaid millionaires on the bread line. Stop signing free agents. What will happen? The team will continue to NOT win the World Series. So what? Perhaps then we can be like the Tampa Rays, and at least have some fun watching young players at more reasonable prices.
Note: I dedicate this column to the most loyal Cubs fan in St. Louis, Mr. Ian "I Still Believe in the Inherit Righteousness of the Cubs" Caso, who wants Cubs ticket prices to be raised as much as possible, because he lives in St. Louis and doesn't attend games anyways, and foolishly believes that the Cubs will use the money to pursue studs like Jake Peavy and Brian Roberts.
Confessions of a New Father: Question: How Big is Leo? Answer: He's Getting Pretty Damn Big
Leo is now nearly fifteen months old and is already well on his way to being a big boy. How big, you might ask? My son could tell you: “Soooooooooooo Big.” That’s pretty damn big for those of you scoring along at home. Other questions we’ve taken to asking Leo include:
“How smart is Leo?”
“How handsome is Leo?”
“How gifted is Leo?”
The answer, which Leo invariably gives with a raise of both hands over his head as though he were in a sports arena doing the wave, is always, “So _______”
Luckily for him, we haven’t started to resort to trick questions yet like, “How smelly is Leo?” (hint: the answer is “So ____!”)
On November 2nd Leo was christened. Good thing for him too, because the devil was probably starting to wonder if the procrastinating parents were prepared to let him play for the wrong team. Leo was decked out like a little John Travolta circa the Saturday Night Fever era, with a stunning three piece dove white suit and tie, made complete by his curly, long locks (which have since been cut). Like most children, he wasn’t too stoked about being dunked in a cauldron of holy water, though after I lifted him out and the deacon said a few words, he then told the gathered audience to give Leo a little cheer. I hoisted the boy up and down over my head a few times and he delighted in the cries of “Yeah Leo!” that came from the pews. He is nothing if not a sucker for adulation-there are few things he enjoys more than hearing his name accompanied by a good round of applause.
Another significant milestone in Leo’s life was his first trip to the barbershop. We had to wait about an hour to have a private audience with Frank, my Sicilian-American barber from my grandma’s hometown of Villarosa, Sicily. Frank let Leo play on one of the vacant barber chairs and look at himself in the mirror. Leo was cool at the beginning of the cut, though his mood deteriorated rapidly as the cut wore on. Perhaps he wanted to wear his hair longer than Frank had in mind, but we’ll never know. Afterwards, we all repaired to a Greek dinner to split a massive chocolate milkshake- one of Leo’s favorites. The interesting thing about Leo and milkshakes though, is that he’s smart enough to not just want any old shake. One afternoon I brought him home one of those cheapie $1.50 shakes that comes out of a machine at a fast food restaurant and probably contains no actual milk or ice cream, thinking I was giving him a treat. He wanted no part of it. But offer the boy a sip of a $5 milkshake from the Oberweis Dairy, and he will howl with disgust if you try to take it away from him- even if its just you trying to get in a quick sip.
Leo started to walk about a month or so ago, and has actually gotten serious about it in the last couple weeks. The interesting thing about Leo’s walk is that its something of a cross between a drunken stagger and a confident swagger. Maybe we could call it a stwagger. He’s bold in the movement of his hips and in his pace- but he is also sometimes uncertain about whether he’ll careen out of control. Begin cliché’d, yet true, observation. Watching my son walk around the apartment is quite a site- somehow I just look at him and have a hard time believing how quickly he’s growing up. End cliché’d, yet true, observation. (I hope)
Leo’s a man of few, or more accurately, no real words at the moment, though he is fond of stringing together unrelated syllables and sounds. I’m fairly certain his first real, complete word is going to be “cookie.” Like his dad, he loves cookies, and is smart enough to know where we keep them. When he wants one, he points up to the cabinet and says loudly, “COOOH!” When I pull out the package he starts to smile and give himself a small round of applause. Yes, he must think, he’s going to get me a cookie, I’m training this sucker pretty good. Other foods that Leo likes include raspberries- he can eat them by the dozen- strawberries, soft pretzels, toast, jam, and teddy grahams. Boy can he take down the teddy grahams.
Of course, cookies and teddy grahams aren't his only guilty pleasures. He still enjoys breast milk as well- not so much for the milk itself mind you (he won't drink regular milk- only chocolate), but more for the sheer joie de vivre of it. When the chips are down- i.e. he's tired, hungry, bored, or has just had one of us take some item away from him when he was determined to have it- a little breast feeding is just the ticket to bring him down out of the doldrums or put him to sleep. Its also his early morning ritual. Typically sometime around 6.30 a.m. we'll hear some light clucking sounds emanating from his crib and echoing through our monitor system. The clucks become more insistent and louder if we try to ignore them and sleep in. Which we often do. Without success, I might add. When I liberate the boy from his crib and bring him into the bedroom, he reaches for Jen in bed instantaneously. I could easily sink into a pile of quicksand and the boy would not notice- which I'm ok with, given the circumstances.
After a brief and vigorous snack, the boy searches around our king size bed for the remote control, which he knows is the key to getting Sesame Street turned on. He'll snack a bit intermittently throughout the show, as red blooded Americans are wont to do, though rarely during the segments of his favorite characters- Elmo, Cookie Monster or Oscar the Grouch. Throughout the program though, he wants to have one hand on a breast- sometimes letting his little fingers just fish around as though he were reaching into a bowl of popcorn. Jen finds this habit to be most annoying and slightly embarrassing- particularly as he often starts putting his hand down her shirt in public when he wants a snack, though I do not fault the boy in the least. A young man needs something to fiddle with when he's watching telly or simply out in public having a good time, and a breast is just as good as a remote control or anything else. Begin cliché'd, yet true observation. Come to think of it, beyond breasts and remote controls, what else is there for the average American male? End, clichéd observation. (I hope) Whatever his motivations, its clear that the boy likes to breast-feed and weaning him is going to be a chore- though we hope to get it done sometime before he heads off to university. Breast feeding is Leo's way of unwinding after or before a long, stressful day of throwing food and toys and making random unintelligible proclamations, so we aren't ready to deny him the pleasure just yet.
Parents often like to speculate on what their children are going to be when they grow up. Typically that speculation involves lofty, high profile callings like law, medicine, garbage collecting or professional wrestling. I actually think Leo's going to be a demolition crew member. Who knows, maybe even a demolition crew leader. We do dare to dream in this household. The kid likes to destroy stuff. I bought him a whole bunch of elaborate Lego Duplo's a couple weeks ago in the hopes it would inspire him to build. I make him all kinds of elaborate stuff with them to get him interested in them, but all he wants to do is essentially wreck them. I build, he demolishes. The grander my structure, the more his glee as he dismantles it. Try to read the boy a book, he tries to rip the pages. Provide him with an in-flight magazine (we do this only if there is a significant delay) and he'll happily shred it. Ok, so perhaps his destructive tendencies aren't always a bad thing. If the demolition stuff doesn't pan out, he could also be a cable guy, as he loves to play with cords and wires.
Leo's a happy kid though, I must say. His default setting is a mischievous smile and a laugh. His laugh is one of the most pleasant sounds I've ever heard. It's impossible for me to be down about anything at all, when my son is happy. On rare occasions when he is angry- usually when something has been unjustifiably (in his mind) taken away from him- his look of disgust is almost comical, and we try hard not to laugh at him. I feel pride in him in even the oddest things- a particularly loud burp, a prominent fart, his propensity for gobbling cookies, when he throws a piece of food clear across the room! Damn, he's good, I think to myself, or sometimes out loud. I guess that, for a father, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing your son demonstrate your own traits, even if they aren't ones you are really proud of.
“How smart is Leo?”
“How handsome is Leo?”
“How gifted is Leo?”
The answer, which Leo invariably gives with a raise of both hands over his head as though he were in a sports arena doing the wave, is always, “So _______”
Luckily for him, we haven’t started to resort to trick questions yet like, “How smelly is Leo?” (hint: the answer is “So ____!”)
On November 2nd Leo was christened. Good thing for him too, because the devil was probably starting to wonder if the procrastinating parents were prepared to let him play for the wrong team. Leo was decked out like a little John Travolta circa the Saturday Night Fever era, with a stunning three piece dove white suit and tie, made complete by his curly, long locks (which have since been cut). Like most children, he wasn’t too stoked about being dunked in a cauldron of holy water, though after I lifted him out and the deacon said a few words, he then told the gathered audience to give Leo a little cheer. I hoisted the boy up and down over my head a few times and he delighted in the cries of “Yeah Leo!” that came from the pews. He is nothing if not a sucker for adulation-there are few things he enjoys more than hearing his name accompanied by a good round of applause.
Another significant milestone in Leo’s life was his first trip to the barbershop. We had to wait about an hour to have a private audience with Frank, my Sicilian-American barber from my grandma’s hometown of Villarosa, Sicily. Frank let Leo play on one of the vacant barber chairs and look at himself in the mirror. Leo was cool at the beginning of the cut, though his mood deteriorated rapidly as the cut wore on. Perhaps he wanted to wear his hair longer than Frank had in mind, but we’ll never know. Afterwards, we all repaired to a Greek dinner to split a massive chocolate milkshake- one of Leo’s favorites. The interesting thing about Leo and milkshakes though, is that he’s smart enough to not just want any old shake. One afternoon I brought him home one of those cheapie $1.50 shakes that comes out of a machine at a fast food restaurant and probably contains no actual milk or ice cream, thinking I was giving him a treat. He wanted no part of it. But offer the boy a sip of a $5 milkshake from the Oberweis Dairy, and he will howl with disgust if you try to take it away from him- even if its just you trying to get in a quick sip.
Leo started to walk about a month or so ago, and has actually gotten serious about it in the last couple weeks. The interesting thing about Leo’s walk is that its something of a cross between a drunken stagger and a confident swagger. Maybe we could call it a stwagger. He’s bold in the movement of his hips and in his pace- but he is also sometimes uncertain about whether he’ll careen out of control. Begin cliché’d, yet true, observation. Watching my son walk around the apartment is quite a site- somehow I just look at him and have a hard time believing how quickly he’s growing up. End cliché’d, yet true, observation. (I hope)
Leo’s a man of few, or more accurately, no real words at the moment, though he is fond of stringing together unrelated syllables and sounds. I’m fairly certain his first real, complete word is going to be “cookie.” Like his dad, he loves cookies, and is smart enough to know where we keep them. When he wants one, he points up to the cabinet and says loudly, “COOOH!” When I pull out the package he starts to smile and give himself a small round of applause. Yes, he must think, he’s going to get me a cookie, I’m training this sucker pretty good. Other foods that Leo likes include raspberries- he can eat them by the dozen- strawberries, soft pretzels, toast, jam, and teddy grahams. Boy can he take down the teddy grahams.
Of course, cookies and teddy grahams aren't his only guilty pleasures. He still enjoys breast milk as well- not so much for the milk itself mind you (he won't drink regular milk- only chocolate), but more for the sheer joie de vivre of it. When the chips are down- i.e. he's tired, hungry, bored, or has just had one of us take some item away from him when he was determined to have it- a little breast feeding is just the ticket to bring him down out of the doldrums or put him to sleep. Its also his early morning ritual. Typically sometime around 6.30 a.m. we'll hear some light clucking sounds emanating from his crib and echoing through our monitor system. The clucks become more insistent and louder if we try to ignore them and sleep in. Which we often do. Without success, I might add. When I liberate the boy from his crib and bring him into the bedroom, he reaches for Jen in bed instantaneously. I could easily sink into a pile of quicksand and the boy would not notice- which I'm ok with, given the circumstances.
After a brief and vigorous snack, the boy searches around our king size bed for the remote control, which he knows is the key to getting Sesame Street turned on. He'll snack a bit intermittently throughout the show, as red blooded Americans are wont to do, though rarely during the segments of his favorite characters- Elmo, Cookie Monster or Oscar the Grouch. Throughout the program though, he wants to have one hand on a breast- sometimes letting his little fingers just fish around as though he were reaching into a bowl of popcorn. Jen finds this habit to be most annoying and slightly embarrassing- particularly as he often starts putting his hand down her shirt in public when he wants a snack, though I do not fault the boy in the least. A young man needs something to fiddle with when he's watching telly or simply out in public having a good time, and a breast is just as good as a remote control or anything else. Begin cliché'd, yet true observation. Come to think of it, beyond breasts and remote controls, what else is there for the average American male? End, clichéd observation. (I hope) Whatever his motivations, its clear that the boy likes to breast-feed and weaning him is going to be a chore- though we hope to get it done sometime before he heads off to university. Breast feeding is Leo's way of unwinding after or before a long, stressful day of throwing food and toys and making random unintelligible proclamations, so we aren't ready to deny him the pleasure just yet.
Parents often like to speculate on what their children are going to be when they grow up. Typically that speculation involves lofty, high profile callings like law, medicine, garbage collecting or professional wrestling. I actually think Leo's going to be a demolition crew member. Who knows, maybe even a demolition crew leader. We do dare to dream in this household. The kid likes to destroy stuff. I bought him a whole bunch of elaborate Lego Duplo's a couple weeks ago in the hopes it would inspire him to build. I make him all kinds of elaborate stuff with them to get him interested in them, but all he wants to do is essentially wreck them. I build, he demolishes. The grander my structure, the more his glee as he dismantles it. Try to read the boy a book, he tries to rip the pages. Provide him with an in-flight magazine (we do this only if there is a significant delay) and he'll happily shred it. Ok, so perhaps his destructive tendencies aren't always a bad thing. If the demolition stuff doesn't pan out, he could also be a cable guy, as he loves to play with cords and wires.
Leo's a happy kid though, I must say. His default setting is a mischievous smile and a laugh. His laugh is one of the most pleasant sounds I've ever heard. It's impossible for me to be down about anything at all, when my son is happy. On rare occasions when he is angry- usually when something has been unjustifiably (in his mind) taken away from him- his look of disgust is almost comical, and we try hard not to laugh at him. I feel pride in him in even the oddest things- a particularly loud burp, a prominent fart, his propensity for gobbling cookies, when he throws a piece of food clear across the room! Damn, he's good, I think to myself, or sometimes out loud. I guess that, for a father, there is nothing more gratifying than seeing your son demonstrate your own traits, even if they aren't ones you are really proud of.
NPR: Letting Criminals Walk Free is "Common Sense"
I know that listening to right-wing nuts rail about the liberal media can be tiresome, but, in many instances they are correct, especially when it comes to the elite media- major newspapers, the news networks, and, the granddaddy of them all, NPR. A story on NPR this morning about poor criminals was a perfect example. The story was about a change to bond procedures for criminals in Cook County Illinois. The lead-in to the story said something along the lines of “a new law in Cook County will make it easier for accused criminals to post bond at their hearings” or something along those lines- and that immediately caught my attention- because I thought it was going to be one of those “outrage” stories you hear where the reason why its news, is because its so outrageous.
But instead, NPR spun this new law as a victory for poor defendants, who are supposedly disadvantaged by high bonds that they can’t possibly post to get out of jail. The story was entirely positive and ended by concluding with a statement referring to the law as a “common-sense solution” to the bail hearing problem! “Common sense solution”? I guess NPR believes that setting accused criminals free asap is common sense. That last phrase, stated seemingly innocuously completely stripped away any sense of objectivity in the report, which was lacking in it anyways. Forgive me, but isn’t it the job of any good journalist to present both sides of any story- can this reporter (whose name I do not remember) honestly tell us that he wasn’t able to find anyone in Chicago that thinks that making it easier for accused criminals to get out of jail might not actually be the greatest thing since sliced bread? Give me a flipping break, NPR.
But instead, NPR spun this new law as a victory for poor defendants, who are supposedly disadvantaged by high bonds that they can’t possibly post to get out of jail. The story was entirely positive and ended by concluding with a statement referring to the law as a “common-sense solution” to the bail hearing problem! “Common sense solution”? I guess NPR believes that setting accused criminals free asap is common sense. That last phrase, stated seemingly innocuously completely stripped away any sense of objectivity in the report, which was lacking in it anyways. Forgive me, but isn’t it the job of any good journalist to present both sides of any story- can this reporter (whose name I do not remember) honestly tell us that he wasn’t able to find anyone in Chicago that thinks that making it easier for accused criminals to get out of jail might not actually be the greatest thing since sliced bread? Give me a flipping break, NPR.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Palin Speaks to Sarkozy
Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNhA9W9IgFc
Palin takes prank call from fake French president
By CHARMAINE NORONHA – 1 day ago
TORONTO (AP) — Sarah Palin unwittingly took a prank call Saturday from a Canadian comedian posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy and telling her she would make a good president someday.
"Maybe in eight years," replies a laughing Palin.
The Republican vice presidential nominee discusses politics, the perils of hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney, and Sarkozy's "beautiful wife," in a recording of the six-minute call released Saturday and set to air Monday on a Quebec radio station.
Palin campaign spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt confirmed she had received the prank call.
"Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy and other celebrities, in being targeted by these pranksters. C'est la vie," she said.
The call was made by a well-known Montreal comedy duo Marc-Antoine Audette and Sebastien Trudel. Known as the Masked Avengers, the two are notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state.
Audette, posing as Sarkozy, speaks in an exaggerated French accent and drops ample hints that the conversation is a joke. But Palin seemingly does not pick up on them.
He tells Palin one of his favorite pastimes is hunting, also a passion of the 44-year-old Alaska governor.
"I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun," the fake Sarkozy says.
He proposes they go hunting together by helicopter, something he says he has never done.
"Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done," Palin counters. "We can kill two birds with one stone that way."
The comedian jokes that they shouldn't bring Cheney along on the hunt, referring to the 2006 incident in which the vice-president shot and injured a friend while hunting quail.
"I'll be a careful shot," responds Palin.
Playing off the governor's much-mocked comment in an early television interview that she had insights into foreign policy because "you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska," the caller tells her: "You know we have a lot in common also, because ... from my house I can see Belgium."
She replies: "Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes."
When Audette refers to Canadian singer Steph Carse as Canada's prime minister, Palin replies: "Well, he's doing fine and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder." Canada's prime minister is Stephen Harper.
Palin praises Sarkozy throughout the call and also mentions his wife Carla Bruni, a model-turned-songwriter.
"You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife," Palin says. "Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours."
The Sarkozy impersonator tells Palin his wife is "so hot in bed" and then informs her that Bruni has written a song for her about Joe the Plumber entitled "Du rouge a levres sur une cochonne" — which translates as "Lipstick on a Pig."
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama derided his Republican challenger John McCain's call for change in Washington as "lipstick on a pig," days after Palin made a lipstick joke at the Republican convention. The McCain-Palin campaign then released an ad implying Obama was calling Palin a pig with that remark.
The caller asks Palin if Joe the Plumber is her husband and adds: "We have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit."
He also tells the Alaska governor that he loved the "documentary" made about her and referred to a pornographic film with a Palin look-alike made by Hustler founder Larry Flynt.
She answers tentatively, "Ohh, good, thank you, yes."
The callers then reveal the prank and identify themselves and their radio station.
"Ohhh, have we been pranked?" Palin asks before handing the phone to an aide who ends the call.
Obama's campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs, commenting on the prank, said: "I'm glad we check out our calls before we hand the phone to Barack Obama."
Palin takes prank call from fake French president
By CHARMAINE NORONHA – 1 day ago
TORONTO (AP) — Sarah Palin unwittingly took a prank call Saturday from a Canadian comedian posing as French President Nicolas Sarkozy and telling her she would make a good president someday.
"Maybe in eight years," replies a laughing Palin.
The Republican vice presidential nominee discusses politics, the perils of hunting with Vice President Dick Cheney, and Sarkozy's "beautiful wife," in a recording of the six-minute call released Saturday and set to air Monday on a Quebec radio station.
Palin campaign spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt confirmed she had received the prank call.
"Governor Palin was mildly amused to learn that she had joined the ranks of heads of state, including President Sarkozy and other celebrities, in being targeted by these pranksters. C'est la vie," she said.
The call was made by a well-known Montreal comedy duo Marc-Antoine Audette and Sebastien Trudel. Known as the Masked Avengers, the two are notorious for prank calls to celebrities and heads of state.
Audette, posing as Sarkozy, speaks in an exaggerated French accent and drops ample hints that the conversation is a joke. But Palin seemingly does not pick up on them.
He tells Palin one of his favorite pastimes is hunting, also a passion of the 44-year-old Alaska governor.
"I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun," the fake Sarkozy says.
He proposes they go hunting together by helicopter, something he says he has never done.
"Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we're getting work done," Palin counters. "We can kill two birds with one stone that way."
The comedian jokes that they shouldn't bring Cheney along on the hunt, referring to the 2006 incident in which the vice-president shot and injured a friend while hunting quail.
"I'll be a careful shot," responds Palin.
Playing off the governor's much-mocked comment in an early television interview that she had insights into foreign policy because "you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska," the caller tells her: "You know we have a lot in common also, because ... from my house I can see Belgium."
She replies: "Well, see, we're right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes."
When Audette refers to Canadian singer Steph Carse as Canada's prime minister, Palin replies: "Well, he's doing fine and yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder." Canada's prime minister is Stephen Harper.
Palin praises Sarkozy throughout the call and also mentions his wife Carla Bruni, a model-turned-songwriter.
"You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife," Palin says. "Oh my goodness, you've added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours."
The Sarkozy impersonator tells Palin his wife is "so hot in bed" and then informs her that Bruni has written a song for her about Joe the Plumber entitled "Du rouge a levres sur une cochonne" — which translates as "Lipstick on a Pig."
Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama derided his Republican challenger John McCain's call for change in Washington as "lipstick on a pig," days after Palin made a lipstick joke at the Republican convention. The McCain-Palin campaign then released an ad implying Obama was calling Palin a pig with that remark.
The caller asks Palin if Joe the Plumber is her husband and adds: "We have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It's called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit."
He also tells the Alaska governor that he loved the "documentary" made about her and referred to a pornographic film with a Palin look-alike made by Hustler founder Larry Flynt.
She answers tentatively, "Ohh, good, thank you, yes."
The callers then reveal the prank and identify themselves and their radio station.
"Ohhh, have we been pranked?" Palin asks before handing the phone to an aide who ends the call.
Obama's campaign spokesman Robert Gibbs, commenting on the prank, said: "I'm glad we check out our calls before we hand the phone to Barack Obama."
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Putting Lipstick on a Pig
The Republican National Committee has reportedly spent over $150,000 on Sarah Palin’s outfits, hair and nails over the last couple months, according to this story on Politico, http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1008/14805.html What was it that Obama was saying a few weeks ago about trying to put lipstick on a pig? Does it really matter how you look when you are making statements this ignorant?
“All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008
(clip: XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=54&gps=532_406_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/30/sarah-palin-answers-what_n_130706.html)
“Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan." –Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=161&gps=337_655_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D9H-btXPfhGs)
“T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=225&gps=448_840_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dl40nrw3V3GA)
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=317&gps=328_86_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/palin-talks-russia-with-k_n_129318.html)
"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." --Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008
"I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing ... any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that." --Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state's ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008
Katie Couric: "What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?"
Sarah Palin: "Well, let's see. There's --of course --in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are -- those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know -- going through the history of America, there would be others but--"
Couric: "Can you think of any?"
Palin: "Well, I could think of -- of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I'm so privileged to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today." --unable to name any Supreme Court decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008
"But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy." --Sarah Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"Perhaps so." --Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
"You'll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans." --Sarah Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008
“I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you." --Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"Absolutely. Yup, yup." --Sarah Palin after being asked by People magazine if she was ready to be a heartbeat away from the presidency
“GIBSON: We talk on the anniversary of 9/11. Why do you think those hijackers attacked? Why did they want to hurt us?
PALIN: You know, there is a very small percentage of Islamic believers who are extreme and they are violent and they do not believe in American ideals, and they attacked us and now we are at a point here seven years later, on the anniversary, in this post-9/11 world, where we're able to commit to never again. They see that the only option for them is to become a suicide bomber, to get caught up in this evil, in this terror. They need to be provided the hope that all Americans have instilled in us, because we're a democratic, we are a free, and we are a free-thinking society. "
“All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008
(clip: XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=54&gps=532_406_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/30/sarah-palin-answers-what_n_130706.html)
“Pray for our military men and women who are striving to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that plan is God's plan." –Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=161&gps=337_655_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D9H-btXPfhGs)
“T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah Palin, getting the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=225&gps=448_840_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Dl40nrw3V3GA)
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008
(clip: http://politicalhumor.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ&sdn=politicalhumor&cdn=entertainment&tm=317&gps=328_86_1276_868&f=00&su=p504.1.336.ip_&tt=2&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/25/palin-talks-russia-with-k_n_129318.html)
"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." --Sarah Palin, speaking at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008
"I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing ... any hint of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of that." --Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had broken the state's ethics law and abused her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters, Oct. 12, 2008
Katie Couric: "What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree with?"
Sarah Palin: "Well, let's see. There's --of course --in the great history of America rulings there have been rulings, there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American. And there are -- those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know -- going through the history of America, there would be others but--"
Couric: "Can you think of any?"
Palin: "Well, I could think of -- of any again, that could be best dealt with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I'm so privileged to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting the law of the land as it reads today." --unable to name any Supreme Court decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008
"But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy." --Sarah Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"Perhaps so." --Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
"You'll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans." --Sarah Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008
“I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you." --Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"Absolutely. Yup, yup." --Sarah Palin after being asked by People magazine if she was ready to be a heartbeat away from the presidency
“GIBSON: We talk on the anniversary of 9/11. Why do you think those hijackers attacked? Why did they want to hurt us?
PALIN: You know, there is a very small percentage of Islamic believers who are extreme and they are violent and they do not believe in American ideals, and they attacked us and now we are at a point here seven years later, on the anniversary, in this post-9/11 world, where we're able to commit to never again. They see that the only option for them is to become a suicide bomber, to get caught up in this evil, in this terror. They need to be provided the hope that all Americans have instilled in us, because we're a democratic, we are a free, and we are a free-thinking society. "
Friday, October 17, 2008
Work is Overrated
Having a job gives one a handy response when people ask you "what do you do?" and the biweekly paychecks certainly come in handy, but other than that, isn't gainful employment a bit overrated? First of all, who decided that the ratio of work days to play days should be 5 versus 2? If you were drawing up plans for a perfect world, is this the formula you would use?
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